a list without a list

This is a list I never thought I’d be making. I’m bringing it with me now to an acupuncturist in Boca Raton. Because I tend to minimize symptoms or just plain forget them when I’m face to face with someone who’s asking me to tell him about it, I figured I’d show up fully listed.

I also figured no one in his or her right mind would ever want to see this list. Including me. Which is why I’m not posting it here. You can breathe now.

I’ve been Gluten-Free the past 16 days and it hasn’t made one bit of difference. And that’s 100% gluten-free, despite my daft waiter. I asked specifically for the Gluten-free menu, and he said they ran out of copies. I asked about a particular grilled chicken dish, specifically asking, “They don’t flour the chicken first?” Absolutely not, he assured me. I was talking with my mom when our food arrived. I wasn’t even aware that I was really eating. Until, half way through a cutlet I realized it was coated in flour. USUALLY, I’d shrug. I’d roll my eyes. I’d send it back, but I wouldn’t make a fuss. Everyone makes mistakes.

But this time, with my (this is on the list) very short fuse these days, I was enraged. The waiter even asked me if I had an allergy, and I’d said yes (because this is what all people say when they REALLY don’t want something on their plate). I pointed it out to the waiter, who offered no apology. Said, “the kitchen must have changed the recipe.” Shouldn’t you make it a priority when putting in an order to BOLDLY state an allergy? To double check when the food comes out? Outraged.

“I’m shocked that you didn’t make a scene,” my mother said after witnessing my exchange with the manager. I can get my point across without making a scene. I told the manager that he might want to have the staff go through some more thorough training. That miscommunications may happen, but they shouldn’t happen when someone’s health is a concern. He didn’t charge us for my entree. But he charged us for everything else. No, wine on us. I wanted to spill wine on them. I then had to drive to WholeFoods to buy “GlutenEase,” to counter the flour unfolding. All that, and I have to say, I really don’t think I have a gluten or wheat sensitivity. I never thought I did, but it’s been 2 weeks, and I feel nada.

Even took Activated Charcoal thinking that might help take care of any toxins, etc. No difference. I have a broken cooch. I also now have a pooch. I’m not speaking of a dog. Now, I’ll go let someone study my tongue, grab my wrist for good measure, followed by a pricking. Sadly, not that way, either.



  1. So, I’m not really getting this. “I’ve been Gluten-Free for the past 16 days and it hasn’t made one bit of difference.”

    Okay, I GET IT that they screwed up your order, and that COULD be an issue if there REALLY IS an ALLERGY. And I understand you “calling” the Manager on the issue because it COULD be POTENTIALLY SERIOUS. But what’s the big deal if it didn’t harm you physically?

    You answered your own question. . . ” . . . my . . . very short fuse these days . . . “

    1. UGh. Very princessy to say ‘I wanted to shpill my wine on them’. Your
      health issues (the other stuff not fake gluten issues) as well as Phil’s ongoing heart issues should really put things in perspective.
      And why the hell should they comp your wine as well??! Comping the entree was plenty. Very over the top.

  2. As someone with several serious food allergies (I travel with an epi pen), I hate when people without an allergy claim one. Waiters tend to not take it seriously because of those with random dislikes/experiments/etc. Also, if you had an allergy, you would be hyper vigilant when your food arrived. No matter how hungery, how rushed, how impatient. If it were real, it’s too important to ignore.

  3. Hang in there with the gluten free diet! It can take several weeks to months to detox from gluten and wheat! Have you read about the gluten detox side effects?? Look it up and you will be very enlightened! Your short fuse is most definitely connected to the detox!Also go have your blood tested for additional food sensitivities. There is an excellent test called Alletess Medical Labratory in Rockland MA. Have your blood drawn and have it sent directly to them. Their number is 1-800-225-5404 ext 716.
    http://www.foodallergy.com You will be amazed at the information it provides.

  4. I went to a homeopath with a list, top of which was “short fuse”. Short fuse and long list. I feel ya.

  5. What’s with all the judgment??? Stephanie is going through a rough time! Dietary changes are hard. Experimenting with diet, supplements, med, etc is the only way to find out what works and what doesn’t. This isn’t a “fake” allergy, it’s one step in Stephanie’s path to health. Show a little compassion people. You never know when it’s going to be you.

    1. Author

      You said it! I’m trying here! I could very well have a real allergy, so real, in fact, that it sent me off into menopause. So back the fuck off people. This message brought to you with love.

  6. These responses annoy me. When a paying patron of a dining establishment orders food a particular way it IS THEIR JOB to serve it as ordered. Come on, have we come to withstand such poor service that we should just shrug off all botched orders? Such apathy abounds, and it is unfortunate. I think SK was right on with her comments to management. Sad thing is that manager is unlikely to heed her suggestion.

  7. Diagnosing a gluten allergy is difficult. One of the better ways to do it is to go gluten-free for at least two weeks, followed by eating lots of gluten in one day. Then stop and see if you notice any changes over the next three days.

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