climbing the ladder of crazy

Once upon a time ago, I had a stalker. I had to go to the police. He was flooding my inbox and then found my unlisted phone number and began to call me at home, tell me he knew where I lived. I couldn’t sleep. I called my friend Chris, freaking out. Genuinely frightened because this stalker man was smart and delusional. He insisted that I was writing my blog posts in code, sending him secret messages. Of one post about Museum and Zoo dates, he expressed his concern, that I would pay for what I’d done. Rambled on, then I realized that he believed I’d sent a snake to him at his office. Coo coo. Coo coo. Chris told me to get used to it, that the more popular I became, the more loved, and the more hated I’d be. That sentiment has clung to me, as many of my moments with Chris have. I can’t wait to hang out with him again in New York!

I was just cleaning out some space in my email account, and I have a folder with this stalker man’s name on it, filled with a bunch (102) of emails from him. Some unread, having filtered them straight to the folder, so I’d have a record if needed, but I wouldn’t have to see them in my inbox. I opened one just now. He accuses me of hacking into his computer and erasing all the email communications he’d had with me. And his emails are LOOOONNNNGGGG about everything from the age in which he lost his virginity to his summer in Greece to how I’d better not mess with an Arab. I won’t post any of the content here. What’s the law about that anyway? Can you publicly post the content from a private email? I imagine you can.

He emailed me for three years, but I continued to ignore him. I just googled him, a few years later, and here’s what I saw…

HEADLINE: Fairfax man accused of threatening Obama pleads insanity

Wow. Just wow. What can I say? I guess I’m in good company. Jesus.

cuckoo clock


  1. What I most remember about that time was you being told by others to get over yourself as you were being over dramatic,

  2. Wow, that’s crazy! I’d always thought I’d like to have a stalker, but maybe not.

  3. Holy motherf#cker. Excuse the language, but this is insane (literally).

  4. Oh Mel. That is the saddest thing ever. It is not flattering when someone stalks you. It’s not a secret admirer. That’s like those girls who say they’d be happy if Chris Brown beat them up, because they’d be honored to get ANY attention from him. That’s what you’re saying. You’d be honored to get any attention from someone, even if it was the attention of a stalker. I mean this as nicely and gently as possible, but please go see a therapist, and tell them about this as your reason for going. To me it is a HUGE red flag, that you are someone who might put up with domestic violence or some type of abuse. Please think hard about how there’s good attention and bad attention from people.

    1. GY, Sorry to alarm you. I actually meant that comment to be tongue-in-cheek, but apparently my sense of humor is lacking. To reassure you, I have a wonderful boyfriend, have never been a victim of domestic violence and would never tolerate it. Thanks for your concern though!

  5. I would constantly be dropping “me and Obama’s stalker…” into conversation when possible.

    You’ll have something great to talk about if you ever meet the president. So, that’s good.

  6. It is NOT fun being stalked at all!!! Being a man and stalked by a SCORNED WOMAN is one of the worst things that can happen to ANY HUMAN BEING. She asked me out over and over again until I laughed in her face and said no for the last time. I should have never laughed in her face.

    Anyhow I am glad to see you are okay even though we never met. Such a crazy world we live in and the more famous you get, the more stalkers and haters you will encounter. However, there will be others that will impact your life positively. Enjoy life and Have a friend watch your back the more celebritydom (yes I made that word up) pushes you to the stars.


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