putting the balls in football season

end of summer mindmap 00
CAPTION: End of Summer – A Mindmap

All good things begin with a breakup. Now, we’re supposedly breaking up with summer and moving onto our next rebound with a fall. Someone needs to tell this to my pits. They’re in severe denial. Though it might have to do with the bewitching Texas heat.

When I think of summer’s end, I don’t think in the arrival of tweeds and burgundy velvets, but in the details of goodbyes. Of camp buses pulling into parking lots, of a farewell to ballpark frankfurters and fireworks. Bunting. 

But it’s really here. Texas tailgating. My birthday’s approach. Goblins and food served in miniature gourds. Tablescapes. November issues promising modern interpretations of classic sides. And, lest we forget, football hell. 

Hell to the hell to the witch’s tit, no. I can get behind tailgating because it’s food and drink centric, but the whole, “Well, we can’t go on that family road trip today because there’s a game on” I can do without. This is the best:

“There’s this game I want to see. It starts at 1pm.” Smack dab in the middle of our day. Fine. I get it. You can’t DVR it.  Sure. Then 5pm rolls around, and wouldn’t you know, “Well, that first 1pm game was fine, but the game I really wanted to watch starts in a half hour.” Fcuk off.

Ah, marital (foot)balls.



  1. Putting the balls in footballs. Never thought of it quite that way, but lady, you said it.

  2. Every year I try and sit down to actually watch football. It usually lasts all of five minutes until I realize something better is on

  3. I love this time of year: NCAA football, NFL football, and English Premier League football. Heaven. Bring on the chili, the beer, and the good times!

  4. Austin is a very football-centric town. People plan their events, meetings, schedules — esp balls/galas around the Longhorn football schedule. The town completely becomes burnt orange with folks everywhere wearing their shirts, buying their branded cups or just ribs, burgers etc for tailgating. For others, it’s another day, when there’s some football game on :) but for those so into it, it’s amazing.

    1. When I lived in Baton Rouge, we lived south of campus and the stadium and you just planned on not leaving the house on game days. At least, not in cars. We often biked to tailgates, but yeah, the entire town shuts down.

  5. This might make me unpopular, but I’m going to admit it anyway. I won’t allow my husband to pull that sh*t with me. He can DVR a game and avoid the car radio and twitter feeds, but there’s not a chance in ever that I’d be okay with him allowing sports or tv to run his (and my, and my kids’) schedule/day. Not happening. DVR up a storm. You don’t see me saying I can’t spend the day off with the family because some award show is on. I DVR it.

  6. Totally random comment, I know. Remember that year you wrote about, 19 days of nonsense? Do you still watch morning TV, like Kelly & Regis? I’m single and relate so much to your earlier writing about restlessness. Not that I begrudge you happiness, at all. I just wanted to say that I appreciate your rotating feature section on the home page that helps me find all the relationship stuff from the past. Also, love your new search bar! It’s so good!

  7. I totally understand the ritual and all, but I know a guy that was willing to miss his own mother’s birthday celebration, kids sporting events, and being a groomsman in the wedding of a friend he’s had for about 25 yrs because they conflicted with football games. These games can sometimes cloud a normally decent person’s sense of priorities.

  8. My other half has been a season ticket holder since he was five (seriously). When football season comes I can’t make ANY plans if there’s a game, even if it’s an away game. I know that the season isn’t that long, and I know that he loves it, but I can’t help feeling that it’s a *little* ridiculous to center your life around a sport. We heard that someone planned their wedding on the day of the Patriot’s home opener and you would have though these people planned the ritualist murder of small children or cute furry animals. I just don’t get it.

  9. My husband was on his ass ALL WEEKEND watching games– college, pro, etc. And since both of “his teams” did poorly, he was kind of a dick most of the weekend. I didn’t give him any shit because he “watched” our 18 month old during the first game so I could garden. I’ve pretty much come to terms with the fact that this is his thing. Whatever. But around 5:30 Sunday afternoon, when we were at his parents for dinner and he was still incommunicado due to fricken highlights on the flat screen, I’d had enough. I yanked the remote, turned off the TV, and demanded he enjoy the nice evening weather outside with the rest of us…

  10. Sports were a deal breaker for me. I could never be with someone who gets emotionally invested in something so completely trivial. Now every time there’s a commercial on TV having anything to do with husbands being idiots re: watching sports, my husband reminds me how lucky I am that he never watches sports, at all, and I happily agree with him.

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