I agree. Especially when they have the wedding on a Sunday, and reason that most people are off of work Monday, thereby justifying the fact that they are cheap assholes who mainly wanted to have the discount of a Sunday evening wedding.
Well, being Jewish, a 3 day weekend with a wedding Sunday night means that my relatives can actually attend and not die while driving home to work the next day- which is why I got married on Sunday of Columbus day weekend and my brother had a small wedding (and a big dinner) on Thanksgiving-he has a restaurant and works most other days. Don't go if you don't want to.
I'll be the bad guy and say I was the bride who had her wedding on a Monday, the day before July 4th. We still had good attendance at ours, though there were definitely people who already had plans in place and it's not like we were offended when someone couldn't make it…no matter the reason. We couldn't have afforded to have a wedding on a Saturday so having it on a weekday saved us a lot of money. I (obviously) don't see anything wrong with having a wedding on or around a holiday, except for Christmas and Thanksgiving though I'm sure everyone has varying opinions on what is considered a family holiday. In fact, I'd prefer it because having it on a non-holiday weekend usually means I have to use vacation days to travel. However, the actual traveling over a holiday weekend can definitely be a bitch. But it also sucks on UT football home game weekends, and the first weekend of Spring Break, SXSW, during Austin City Limits, Track&Field, Graduations, etc. So, subtract all those and all the possible holidays, in a year you've probably got 10-15 weekends (in Austin) with nothing major going on. I'm just sayin'…
People who judge other people's choice of dates to sanctify their relationship because of their own selfish inconvenience are assholes. With that attitude I'm sure you won't be missed at the celebration.
I had to be a bridesmaid in an out of town wedding on Labor Day Weekend last year. The bridal shower was Memorial Weekend. It gets better — I was invited without a date and the dress had buttons all up the back. I had to ask a stranger in the hotel hallway to button all 30 zillion buttons for me!
Whew… swiping my brow. Do you know that 10 years ago… and I should have known better too… I actually played w/ the idea of being married on July 4??? I honestly thought it would be 'convenient', you know, because it was all about ME!!!!!! Not thinking that MY wedding wouldn't be the highlight of everyone's life. The PRIEST, someone who's taken a vow of celibacy, actually put the axe on it. Said HE would be busy and most people strongly dislike holiday weddings. Soooooo glad I didn't. I bet the bands hate it, the photographers hate it, the caterers hate it, the bridal shops hate it, the florists hate it. It puts a kink in everyone's holiday. Can ya' tell I just don't see through the rose colored (wedding) glasses anymore???
I had to make my wedding on Labor Day weekend to appease my highly orthodox Jewish Grandmother since we weren't going to be able to have a Sat. night wedding in rural NH. Ours is more of a destination anyway so most of our guests were excited to make it there vacation weekend/week. I remember being annoyed when my cousin did it on Memorial Day weekend years ago, but sometimes there is just no way around it.
Does Columbus Day count? If so, then I suck. But I did it so that daughter (my maid of honor) had day off from school day after.
BTW, FYI whoever referred to cheap Sunday night weddings — observant Jews don't get married on Saturdays before sundown and since that can be pretty late in the spring summer, most have Sunday daytime weddings, but Sunday night isn't unheard of.
You never know a person's reason for choosing a particular date. It could be that family members who might otherwise not be able to attend can be there over a holiday weekend; although I doubt that prices are any less over a holiday…my guess is that they're more….the budget may be a large factor. That being said, it's the call of the bride and groom and you always have the option of sending your regrets.
Wow I never posted before but that was the most ridiculous thing you ever said. I have to wonder are you trying to get a response because of the poor responses of late, if so, maybe this will work. I can't imagine what the person who invited you to their affair must think of you. Anyway I have 3 black tie affairs this memorial weekend, sat. sun and monday and to tell you the truth I am honored that I have so many good friends who want me to share their special day with them, maybe that's why I have so many good friends because I would be there for them no matter what. Get a grip Stephanie, you can always deKlein and then one day you may wonder why you never get invites anymore.
I agree. Had a big argument with my sister about why she should not have her son's bar mitzvah T'giving weekend, that people might have their own ideas about how to spend their holiday weekend, not necessarily all about her. She didn't get it.
Years ago a couple planned their wedding and the original date was Superbowl Sunday. Thankfully, the groom convinced the bride to change the date because he knew that every guy would be in the bar watching the game.
I have an 8/8/08 wedding to attend and I love my cousin's kid but taking an entire day off is slightly annoying but I plan to attend. It's hard in the summer particularly in NY when great weekends seem few and far between. But if you go, please go sans attitude.
yep. this person will hate you forever,this will get back to them. if you don't care,great! one of the best times i've ever had was at a new year's wedding. glittery,food/entertainment love at around great way to start the year. but it's a free country, you can have your wedding when you want and you as a guest can go/not go. but why criticize them,you just may,someday, need to give your little girl a wedding , never say never. we all seem to think our way is best. i happen to appreciate weddings on a three day weekend if they are out of town, means i possibly can go if i choose.i can also say "no"
I'm not adding anything new to the conversation. I think you're being a bit harsh. And, as others have said, you don't have to attend. It's not like the couple ninja-like attacked you the day before a trip to the beach and said "You must attend or die!" Or did they? That would be cool. Ninja wedding.
Memorial Day is not exactly a sacred holiday. I think it's actually a good idea because then people who travel don't have to take a day off of work. And of course it's ideal for Jewish people (like myself, getting married on a long weekend) who need to do it on Sunday. I agree that Thanksgiving and Christmas should be off limits, but otherwise I think it's a very good idea. I'm more annoyed about the weddings I have to travel to all summer that will require taking Friday off in order to make it in time. And by the way, trying to save money on your wedding is not exactly a crime, nor do you ever save any money by having your wedding on a holiday weekend, all the prices are jacked up.
I agree. I think it is really obnoxious, not to mention self absorbed, to consume everyone else's holiday weekend with a celebration for yourself. I guess as a bride it is really hard to see past yourself sometimes, and realize that even your dearest friends and family may have other ideas about how they would like to spend a holiday.
it is shocking to see how many ppl are so excited to find something to be catty about. do weddings take time, effort, and money to attend? yes. is it an honor to be invited? yes – esp bec most couples invite you bec they love you and want you to be there. re when ppl have their weddings: a lot of different factors go into that decision – but rest assured that there are few, if not no, couples who think "bwaa ha ha — i will RUIN ppl's holidays by FORCING them to come to a meaningful ceremony for someone they care about where they will get free food and booze." i know that we often talk about bridezillas and weddings getting out of control with selfishness- and i agree those exist, but since when did it become permissible for guests to become so selfish? when you plan an event that includes a lot of ppl, the date is bound to be imperfect for some – but that's not a personal slight against those for whom it's imperfect. if you don't want to go, then don't go. take responsibility.
for the person who said i HAD to be a bridesmaid and complained about the not being invited with a date and the buttons on the dress: you do not HAVE to be a bridesmaid. you are a grown woman and can say, (and it seems you should have said) "i can't be a bridesmaid." instead – you are complaining about what most brides ask of only those closest to them: "will you stand with me as i take this next step in life?" also – an invitation to a wedding or an invitation to be in a wedding does not mean that you automatically get to bring a date. someone is inviting you to an event they they are hosting – and that means you don't get to dictate everything about it. guests cost money, and some ppl need to keep their guests lists to a certain number for financial reasons, and some ppl just want a smaller affair. either way, the wedding is not about you. i can't believe you were in someone's wedding whom you would write about in this way. so you had a lot of buttons on a dress. not really grounds for meanness. i feel sorry for the friend who asked you to be in the wedding if your post shows anything about your true colors. you should have done her the favor and bowed out.
I don't think SK is talking about a wedding she was invited to as she's knee deep in MOOSE coming out. Secondly, posting for comments? most of the posts below don't even accept comments! Thirdly, saying what everyone thinks but is afraid to express is her trademark. I applaud it. I also hate anyone who presupposes it is my desire to spend $2K on their wedding by traveling on a holiday weekend. If they paid for the whole thing, it would trulybe about them and wanting to be around close friends. Forcing everyone is obnoxious. Making people choose between something they need and your friendship is a terrible position to put people in. You only get like 5-10 good memorial Day weekends in your life. Prime 20's. Not cool to tae that away from me.
You make the most childish comments sometimes. However, since the couple in this case clearly DID schedule their wedding during a long holiday weekend and are therefore assholes in your book – it should make NOT GOING a simple conclusion, since you should never, ever associated with such a loathsome pair, lest their asshole-ness rub off on you.
And don't even CONSIDER giving them a gift. That might get you on the list for their first child's christening which I'm sure will be scheduled without having consulted you first.
this is really harsh and such a selfish comment to make. i myself had to get married on a holiday and it was by no means my first choice of a date. but due to work constraints with traveling, moving during this process, my husband's grad school conflicts, it left no other choice. i heard some complaints about it and it broke my heart, because i really just wanted everyone to share in our excitement. however, people who went still tell my parents it was one of their favorite weddings to attend and this is what i had hoped–that the people who did come would forget that they were "obliged" to attend and simply enjoy themselves and celebrate with us.
TOTALLY AGREE. It's not a selfish comment to make. It's selfish to send out an invitation asking your nearest and dearest who might very well feel honored that you want to include them, but quite frankly, they're the selfish ones for asking you to give up any special holiday plans of your own.
Holiday weekends are to be spent as a holiday, not as a wedding celebration. You totally hit the bride (and nail) on the head with this post, and I love how you didn't bother to justify or mince words about it. THIS is why I read your blog! You're so damn real, even if people don't want to hear it. Wait, soon you'll hear people say they won't buy your book because clearly you're the a-hole. Can't people just take it for what it is? I hate sensitive people.
And, I already got my copy of Moose! I just asked the woman working there if she'd please get it for me from the back, and she did! Yay beach reading! (without the beach, but whatever)
Hmm. I was the jerk that made the insensitive comment about Sunday weddings. Sorry about that.
I love reading your comments. It's a guilty pleasure to check in and see the catfights and whatnot going on in here. Maybe you should add a forum to your website… SMF or VBulletin or something. Just a though.
I can't wait for Tuesday night! Woot! I'm bringing Blake along- he's a wellbehaved baby though. ;) Can't wait to see other Austin mommas there! Maybe we could all do a Baby and Me movie viewing of the SATC movie at Alamo one day?
If someone else's happiness is the source of your unhappiness (addressing Stephanie and all the other holiday wedding-Grinches), then whose problem is it?
Are you also the people who sit in traffic and bemoan the inconvience when it could be that someone up ahead is waiting for an ambulance?
Stephanie, rest assured that someone at your wedding didn't want to be there. But they came and hopefully smiled and enjoyed the evening and eventually reveled in your happiness, even though there was no music or dancing. Who throws a celebration sans dancing? You did. Because it was right for you and Phil. And you didn't ask your guests if that's the wedding they wanted to attend. Are you and Phil the only people afforded the luxury of the wedding of their choosing?
Some people claim to come here because they get insights on how to be better people. This is NOT a post that remotely suggests "better." This is a lesson in self-absorption. Seems some of you didn't need the lesson, but looks like you feel good that Stephanie validated your selfishness. Happy now, are ya'?
I agree with csuebee: no one can forve you to attend. Just say no. It's hard for some people to do so but it's your life. You chose how to spend your precious free time. People cannot pressure you or make you feel guilty unless you allow that to happen.
We never know why other people make certain decisions. Selecting a wedding date is so complicated. Availability of a particular venue(s), coordinating schedules, factoring in travel time, etc. Budget constraints come into play, too. There are plenty of selfish Bridezilla types running amok but I suspect no one is sadistic enough to want to ruin the long holiday weekends of their friends and family. I would be excited and honored that someone wanted me to attend such an important life event.
That said, everyone have a great long Memorial Day weekend:)
Oh, and if you have children? It's probably even easier for you to decline any invites; most people will give you a little more leeway.
So don't go. I highly doubt they'd want you to go knowing you felt this way. Also, um, hello, you and Phil are both freelancers. There's no such thing as a "holiday weekend" for you — you make your own schedule. Ugh, just when I was starting to think you might be redeemable… I think I'd like you so much better if I only had access to Stephanie the writer and not Stephanie the self-indulgent twit.
And for the record? My wedding was inoffensively held on a Saturday, over a non-holiday weekend. So, no, I'm not taking this personally.
Assholes and cheap, mind you. Sweetie, if the only way you can afford the Four Seasons is to host your event on the Sunday evening of a three day weekend, you clearly are living beyond your means. Let's call a spade a spade and get on with it.
If it makes you feel any better, I've not only had to attend three different weddings on holiday weekends but I was in EVERY FUCKING ONE. So not only was I crank – I was a crank in polyester sweating my ass off and gritting for my teeth as I smiled for the camera.
People who have holiday weekend weddings ARE assholes. They are selfish people who pass off the cost of the wedding on to their guests–and that is the height of selfishness. The bride & groom get the discount, but hotels and travel fares are more expensive on holidays, so the guests end up paying more. And you take over people's weekend holidays. I had to be a bridesmaid in a wedding on Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving, and the bride had the audacity to invite my parents, whom she barely knows, who live 16 hours away by car. So, I couldn't fly home for Thanksgiving, and she knew my parents couldn't fly the day after Thanksgiving (and pay all those fares) just for her wedding. She did it merely for the gift.
I got married on Sunday night of Labor Day weekend. We have a lot of out of town relatives, and many of them had requested a long weekend to give them time to travel and enjoy spending time together, rather than having to rush through a regular weekend. We had a brunch on Monday for all out-of-towners who were able to stay, and everyone seemed very appreciative. Now it's Memorial Day weekend, and we have 2 Bar Mitzvahs to attend (my son was invited to 6, but we had him choose 2), so obviously, having a special ocassion on a holiday weekend is not unheard of. If it doesn't fit into your schedule, simply rsvp NO. Otherwise, you'll probably resent being there, and that's not fair to the wedding couple or to you.