Nothing says relaxing more than the hotel channel. It doesn’t matter which city I’m in, the thing I want to watch most as soon as I flip on the television in my hotel room is the confirmation of sale video. That loop of an information channel showcasing local restaurants and hotel amenities. How my nerves unfold with the musak, as uniformed staffers smile while answering phones. I get a peek at the exciting business center, where the woman behind the counter is overjoyed to offer you paper. Without leaving my room, I’ve already toured the neighborhood districts and restaurants (along with their hearty displays of surf and turf). I’ve weaved through the gift shop, and taken a turn about the conference center. All this, plus beauty shots of all the room service possibilities. Ah, and lest I forget the mandatory shot of a fountain.

Comfort at my fingertips, and yet, all I could do was bite my nails. In less than an hour, I’d be whisked away to give a speech to 300 librarians. I’m sorry to report that the closer I came to blast off, the less prepared I was.I suddenly understood why men could lose their erections.

My sexy date to the event texted that she was on her way to pick me up. NO! You don’t understand, I’m still figuring out what to say! I was writing, then rewriting, deciding that I’d need to write the buzzwords bigger in case I forgot what I was saying. Oh, the nerves. I needed to relax. If only the hotel offered complimentary speeches.