blowjobs and beginnings

There’s always that awkward moment when someone has read your book and they don’t know quite what to say to you. My sister-in-law, I remember, was on the phone with me, saying she’d just begun to read Straight Up and Dirty. "I warned you that it was dirty," I said, detecting restraint in her voice.
"I mean, well, I guess I just didn’t expect the book to start with a blowjob."
"What?!"
"Yeah, you’re in the closet giving your wasband a blowjob."
"I am not! Are you reading the right book?"
"Yes, you’ve got your head in the hem of his pants." I think for a moment that she’s misread something, but then I fear that I’d written it in this unintentional, ambiguous way.
"Wait a minute," I say. "You cannot give a blowjob with your head in the hem of his pants, no matter how creative you are."
"Oh," she said. 

I’ve since revisited said opening paragraph of the book, and I kinda like that people (albeit very few people) thought I was performing a género chico.

COMMENTS:

  1. I think as soon as you say the word "dirty", people just fill in the blanks how they like, and, well, it reveals a little more about them!

  2. I just bought the book a couple weeks ago and finished it in a few days. I definitely thought you were giving one at the beginning also…but eventually realized you weren't. I can definitely see how your sister-in-law thought that…

    I guess I have a dirty mind also.

  3. I didnt think you were but I did think you were going to end up with his dick in your mouth when he started to complain like a little bitch.

    Hahaha. Great post.

  4. Well- better than her starting out to read a paragraph about blowing her brother. Right?? (Even if it didn't really mean THAT.)

  5. Funny, I never got that impression reading Straight Up & Dirty. I did see an author who was honest, smart, funny as hell and knew how to use an adjective.

  6. on the topic of the wasband… there's an article in the times today about divorcees whose exes tried to stop them from blogging about the details of the divorce and took them to court, even if the things they said were all true. just wondering if the wasband ever tried any of that with you? i know you don't give up his real name, but i'm guessing anybody with a bit of persistence with a search engine and too much time on their hands could figure it out somehow if they were so inclined.

  7. I'll bee seeing you in New York at the Columbus Circle reading.

    Another note, after the horror that was your first marriage so glad you have a sistr in law you can laugh with.

  8. I also read it the dirty way! At some point I started to wonder what was going on and had to reread the part to get the right idea.

    I guess it didn't seem weird at first, because I kinda expected it. But it is a bit raunchy way to start a book…

  9. Hmmmm, it has been such a long time since I read SUAD that I might have to re-read it again .. especially before Moose comes out. All I can say is, I would rather be on the PHONE with my sister-in-law talking about a blowjob than in person … just sayin'.

  10. Wait – wha? After the huge diss on her family, your sister in law still talks to you??

    FROM SK: Phil's sister is my sister-in-law.

  11. Didn't for a minute think it was anything but it was, and that he was so misguided to think that style could only be labels minus Etro, talk about lack of imagination.

  12. I think I'm going to have to re-read the book as I don't remember that part..

    Off Subject – A very sweet Passover to you and your family Stephanie!

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