Beyond herpes, the clap, crabs, or warts… beyond AIDS or pregnancy, I’m talking headaches.
During a 1961 meeting in Bermuda with British Prime Minister Harold McMillian JFK said, "I wonder how it is with you, Harold? If I don’t have a woman for three days, I get terrible headaches." This was quoted to me by a man at dinner tonight. "It’s a physical side effect of not having seex."
I’m all too familiar with the side effects of seex. People walk around smelling it on their fingers. Things ache. Muscles you didn’t really know you had hurt. You don’t remember clenching enough to make it hurt when you navigate the stairs. Things itch. You scratch and feel hyper-sensitive. You smile and soak your panties just recalling the thing he said, or the way he grabbed you. You’re satiated, and it shows. You walk around singing Rolling Stones songs even though you’re getting plenty of satisfaction. But what about the consequences of not having seex? Do men really experience headaches? Do they really want you more because they haven’t had you yet? Is it all about the longing to conquer what’s new?
I suppose metaphorical headaches happen all the time, usually with seex, ironically. He has seex with a girl just because, well, because he can. Then getting rid of her becomes a headache. There’s always risk and reward… it’s opportunity cost analysis in the bedroom. Is the headache of going without easier to abide than the migraine that comes with shaking off a girl you just had your way with?
I’ve never, I repeat, never, been in a situation where I’ve had seex with a guy and never heard from him again. I don’t think it’s because I’ve played the right cards or done things the way they instruct single girls to do in self-help catch-all , hyphenated books. Believe it or not, I just don’t have seex with "anyone." Oral seex included, thank you very much. There’s usually a hunch, some deeper feeling of knowing. It’s like when I play roulette. I just "know." But I have no doubt that will come to bite me in the ass one day, leaving me with a headache and a gulp of guilt.
Regret happens to the best of us. It’s rarely about seex and mostly about respecting and acknowledging what it is we really want without apologies or headaches.