Let’s try to forget, just for a moment, that I live my life with a soundtrack running in my head a la Ally McBeal. It’s no Barry White; we’re talking Peter Gabriel’s Solsbury Hill. There, now that’s out of the way… more than ever, metropolitan men are anti-marriage-minded. Take any relationship. The marrieds want details because they feel alive hearing about it, even when it sounds wretched. Married men urge their single friends to live it up longer. I’ve been that person, married in bed, urging my single friends to get things out of their systems. Once you’re on the other side, the grass looks greener.
No matter the age, if you’re in a city, you’re more apt to hear men speak against the institution of marriage than ever before. Women like to cough it up in a word: "player." The guys, though, aren’t players at all. Yes, he’s over 30 and single, but that doesn’t make him a player. It means they live in a city, in an active social life, but they aren’t trying to land something by behaving a certain way. They just believe it’s unnatural to marry when there are so many options and choices. This is a metropolis of customization and beautiful girls. If you’re not ready to have children, what’s the point in getting married? These aren’t new questions. Most of us love "new," and in "the city," (Manhattanites always refer to Manhattan as "the city") there’s always something better, constant temptation in swinging hips and half-open mouths.
When Carter (Topher Grace) asks Dan (Dennis Quaid) how he achieved his wonderful life in the movie, In Good Company, Dan immediately says the key is marital fidelity. He tells Carter, "You just pick the right one to be in the foxhole with, and then when you’re outside of the foxhole, you keep your dick in your pants."
I’ve said this before. There’s always something better around every corner, and yeah, if I were living elsewhere, I’d most likely be married now, with a stately door and an all-American green sweater, barn jacket, of a man. I’d be happy. But I’m here in "the city" because I like it here most of the time. And, I’m okay with the fact that wherever I’ll go there will be someone smarter, wealthier, thinner, more beautiful, and better connected than I’ll ever be. That’s okay. ‘Cause I’m here for a reason, and so is he. All I have to do now is let him find me… and be willing to let him in… and be willing to trust he won’t want what’s around the corner when he can have me.
