I insisted they get the scallops, but they wouldn’t listen to me. I was only a food critic… oh, forever. I only cook, always. Don’t listen to me. Order the cheese plate instead. There’s no accounting for taste. I have a love hate with "subjective."
Over dinner tonight, we all discussed premature ejacculation. Well, that’s what I called it. They were talking about commitment between men and women. Specifically, they were talking about investment opportunity. Some men shoot "above the rim." They believe they are doing really well for themselves. When they second guess her, a little voice chimes in, "yeah, but she’s HOT." The HOT is always allcaps because men are visual creatures. These men try to "capture the flag." They want to keep her, capture her, while they can, while she’s still interested. So they propose marriage. This happens all the time, actually. She feels a little trapped because how can she say, "no?" They have been dating long enough that it wouldn’t technically be frowned upon if she were to say yes… and saying "no" would end things right there… oooh, and right before the holidays?
I was the guy in my marriage. I wanted to capture what I mistakenly viewed as "above the rim." His wanting me made me feel valued and important. The blinders I wore weren’t mirrored; I saw only him–his mistakes and flaws lived in shadows. I was goal-oriented and believed I was entitled. I worked hard at everything in my life, so working hard at our relationship made me feel a sense of entitlement. I deserved marriage… and the sickest bit in it? I didn’t care if it was him. I wanted what I wanted. Men and women are not very different when we’re raised believing we can be anyone we want to be… including a wife or a husband.
Thank God I learned from that grave mistake. From it, I learned we can’t control people. There are absolutely no guarantees in life, aside from death–taxes are negotiable–and it’s not about what we deserve. It’s about a good fit with someone who makes your heart sing… even if they don’t eat scallops. Yum, more for me.