The best part about the occupational nerves is the eating, or lack thereof. I get home and race to the computer; there’s no time for food. And that means thin, which makes for nice photos, at least of me without a double chin. I guess it makes for dates too. Slim picking’s lately, but things have to pick up ‘cause I’m knee-deep in doing things I love. That’s the idea nowadays, right? Bars and online dating promise you mass, not quality. Yes, you have more chances of meeting people, but what’s the point in dating Mr. Red Flag, or Mr. Let’s Just Fool Around and Keep Things Light? Quality doesn’t smoke and drink shots of vodka on Monday nights. He’s out walking his dog, or taking photographs, or shopping for quality produce; he’s working on his next story. He’s passionate about something other than golf.
I know too many people who don’t have hobbies. Their hobbies become sorting online dating profiles, or bar hopping to meet someone, and once they do, their relationship becomes a series of meals and movies. They love one another because it’s comfortable to have someone there at the end of the day, someone to order-in with, someone to just sit in front of the television with. They love their relationship because it’s comfortable. I have a news flash. Anyone can sit around and watch TV and enjoy eating fries with you. If when you speak of your relationship, you say it’s just so nice and comfortable, you should open your eyes. I’ve found that kind of comfort with nearly every other person I’ve dated. It takes more than a night of Six Feet Under and take-out for a relationship to be right.
To really be happy, you need to make yourself happy. Read that line again. A relationship can’t make you happy. You need to discover and commit to things that bring you joy, where hours ruffle by like wind on water. Once you find what brings you this happiness, no one can take it away from you. You can’t find it in a relationship. People leave. People change their minds. People die.
There, I’ve said it; I’m off the box. Go back to watching TV.
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Oh my, this one really speaks to me. Thanks for the heads up!
You read my mind, dear. Thank you!
Very nice to have some one actually say it! I've known it for years, but so many people just don't get it. And now you can't be blamed, because as least you warned 'em.
Great post Steph…
…and always remember, you don't need ANOTHER to complete you. If you did, you'd only be half the person to begin with.
OH, and by the way, I'd like to leave with:
"Hate, the only thing that lastst."
–Charles Bukowski
auf auf!
lasts, that is
Hobbies are so important. For a relationship to be right you have to have some sort of life outside the other person. Otherwise you end up haing nothing to talk about. Bitching or celebrating about work only takes you so far.
Nothing wrong with 6 Feet Under and take out though. :-)
No 1 of Consequence
"To really be happy, you need to make yourself happy…A relationship can't make you happy. You need to discover and commit to things that bring you joy, where hours ruffle by like wind on water. Once you find what brings you this happiness, no one can take it away from you. You can't find it in a relationship. People leave. People change their minds. People die."
Steph, no one could have said that better…right on the money.
I would also add a little. Once you are happy with yourself and you have things in your life that brings you joy, it will only enhance your relationship because you will have things to share with that other person and the right person will encourage you to continue to do those things. Also, that person may even want to experience some of the things that bring you happiness, which will further strengthen the bond between you two.
Wow- I tell all of my single friends that all of the time. "you have to be happy with yourself, before you can be happy in a relationship and be happy with someone else" also as cheesy as it sounds you also have to like and love yourself *snicker- not like that, but like that is important too* but you have to like/love and find yourself attractive, before someone else will really like/love or find you attractive.
again wow- so glad that someone else figured this out. being in a relationship that works takes work and it's not going to fix someone's life who feels that if they just had a boyfriend/girlfriend their life would be perfect.
ok enough- back to work now.
Your distorted view of men is only paralleled by your twisted view of cheating. A man who shops for quality produce ???? You're going to be looking for a lonnnnng time, but good luck to ya!
Hey, nothing wrong with quality produce. Ever bite into a seemingly perfect, crisp apple only to find it mushy and devoid of taste?