“Did you have fun at your party the other night?”

I could be polite and make everyone comfortable with the expected, ‘yes’ then forget about it. But I won’t. "Yes and no." Yes to the birthday wish and surrounding friends. Yes to the dancing and cab rides home with my closest friends who stayed with me through the night. No to the mingling and not getting enough of the QT.

You become the Mayor at your own party. There’s shuffling and smiling until your cheeks hurt; you’re busy with introductions and quips. But it all happens fast, and you worry you didn’t spend enough time with this one or that. And you can’t believe how many people showed up, people you haven’t seen, and didn’t expect to come. High school, college, work, Hamptons, Internet, summer, fall, winter, bronze, silver, and gold friends. And you’re elated, so you want to show it. But you’re all over the place, so you can’t. It’s speed dating without phone numbers.

I’m confident everyone knew how happy I was they made it out, despite my mere minutes with each of them. It’s expected. What’s not expected is feeling anxious when you’re trying to sleep that night, wondering why certain people who said they’d turn up didn’t. It’s never personal; sometimes it’s the rain, feeling fat, overbooking, or having out of town guests. Whatever the reason, you end up feeling a little sad. Reeling through the rsvp list wondering.

I know my brilliant friends did everything in their power to make me happy, from the drinks and the planning, to the fondling of my camera, and for that, I’m very appreciative. It’s not my fault I’m only a good multi-tasker when it comes to crafts and careers. When it comes to people and conversations, I prefer intimate. I mean when you think about it, aren’t your best nights ones where you really connect with people? Mine are. But I suppose there’s a time and place for intimate. On subject, despite the porn makeout room at Pop Burger, and the free birthday table until 4am at Hiro, there wasn’t even any licking… unless you count my going home to Linus.

Yes, yes, now you can.