“How are ya dare?” He asks thick as he raises his beer.
“I’m good, and you?” Up until now it’s polite.
“Fine. Fine.” He shakes his head. He has a thick scar beneath his lips.
“You’re Irish, huh?” I ask while trying to get the bartender’s attention.
“Das right.”
“So you’ve got foreskin then, huh?”
“Goodness gracious, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Where’d a gerl like you get a mouth like dat?” He has put his beer down and now sucks foam off his cleanly shaven lip, as if he’s savoring food from a moustache.
“Oh so I’m right den huh pops?” I do my best to mimic his accent.
“Who da hell you callin’ pops. And I’ll ave you know, you don’t sound like an Irish. Stick to that redhead chicky voice of yers.”
“So, you’re uncircumsized then huh?”
“I’m natural. Das what I am, dearie.” He shakes his head affirmative, as if he’s convincing himself of something.
“Yeah, girls don’t really know what to do with all that excess. It gets in the way ya know.”
“Jesus, gerl, you know I could show ya. ” Now he’s looking at me.
“I’m not a daft cow ya know. I’m just tellin’ ya.” I’m back to mimicking; accents are too contagious. “I mean, if we’re jerkin’ ya off, do we push it all down or bring it along fer the ride? Nevermind when we go down on ya. That’s just bloody hell.” My accent has turned from Irish to British.
“Some mouth on you. I’ve got the mind to take a bar of soap on ya.”
“You know, you’re right. I think I do smell.”
I hurry off to the ladies room to smell my pits. I know he wasn’t insinuating that I smelled. (Whenever someone mentions washing a mouth out with soap, I think The Christmas Story and poor Ralphy sitting with Ivory soap as a tongue.) My pits were powder fresh. But something was wrong; it was my shoulder. Someone smelly must have leaned against me and spilled their onion drippings. I was not a roast. Thankfully, I’m always armed with an atomizer of Creed’s Fleur de The Rose Bulgarie (my signature scent). Though, maybe my nose was playing tricks. I needed backup.
Upon returning from the bathroom, I ask the Irishman to smell me.
“What kinda crazy gotten inta ya gerl.”
“Oh come on smell my shoulder; I’m fcuking jumpy aren’t I?”
“Jumpy?”
“Yeah, jumpy. That’s right.”
He cautiously leans in for a sniff. “Yeah, gerl you’re somethin’ ripe.”
“Fuck, I knew it.” I spray the perfume on my shoulder.
“For fcuk’s sake gerl, you’re gettin’ it in me pint.” His hand flutters then rests atop his Guinness glass.
“Well some friend you are, not telling me I stink.”
“Doesn’t bother me ya know. I’ve got thick skin, remember?”
Touché.
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i was searching for some information on greek tragedies and was quite surprised to find this little corner of the internet. not quite what im looking for, but solid seminar content regardless!
Good stuff!
Greetings from London!! Just was to give kudos on your site. Thanks to you, my last few days have been bearable of feeling as if my nose is falling off from lack of "puffs" and blowing my nose more than I should (due to the curse called, flu)– Thank you for the entertainment. At the same time, as an american expat, reading about your life, makes me realise how much I miss the one I had in Chicago. City filled with excitement, being close to friends and partcipating in nightly events and praying I didn't get most of the moments on camera. Hopefully, I will find new purpose from across the pond, in England…. Ciao ! Luv, An American Expat PS- I have added you to my blog as a favourite! Don't let me down! *wink*
I do believe it was Life Bouy that Ralphie had to knaw on, just for the record. Not Ivory. Very funny shit, despite that detail.
Totally with you on the foreskin comment. I've been living in france for about 3 years now and I'm still not used to it. One free tip though…. don't try to pull it down all the way!
amy
Nice
Aye, Beautiful, to answer yer question 'bout 'and jobs – when dry, bring it all along. When yer lubin' 'im up, gently pull it back with your dry free hand.
Oh my God—I laughed so hard at this post—I think this one is my favorite Stephanie! I love it! As a 'lesbian'—-I can't relate to the foreskin dilemma, but I can relate to other obstacles that are horrific. I'll shut up now.
Thanks for making me laugh and spit my coffee out!
~D
Excellent post – speaking as someone who is … er … thick-skinned.
"My signature scent"? Are you kidding me?
Funny… and yes: educational! Go ahead, Stephanie, promoting a foreskinless-male society — just a small toll for men to pay in the largely uneven burden men and women bear vs sexuality. What a T-shirt: "Ladies love circumsexy men"… or "no cut no sex"… or what else?…
More foreskin tips!!!
My BF is uncircumsized, and it's really not a dilemma at all. Just pull it down a little bit and for the duration of getting freaky it stays put.
Is is all foreskin or not? Really don't think so especially when women know it can't be torn or painful when coached ……jack Acts sometimes as a small soft nipple.
But I Love foreskin!!! Ireland, eh?
Ireland, yeah, natural men. Foreskin is one of the good bits to be savored. Makes things a little more interesting, if you get my drift. More sensitive as well, so you have to know when to let up, or the party's over.
… and what about the recent findings that circumcision "significantly" reduces the risk of getting HIV?… Check for example the following — one on the many around on the matter:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/aids/story/0,,1971526,00.html
(click on the access string, or copy and paste the access string in the URL field).
hello world!
One thing Europeans will never understand is the American neurosis about foreskins. Since we live with them all the time, we know that the subject only become important enough to talk about when you havn't got one.
Most American men seem happy enough to be circumcised because they know of no alternative. It can blow their mind when they realise that their parents prompted by a greedy medical profession have deprived them of a whole pleasurable dimension of sexual experience.
The scare stories about HIV, "filth!!" etc are so much BS.
Europeans have a fraction of the US incidence of Aids and girls who go out with peasants have themselves to blame.
The following men are uncut:
* Nearly all Europeans who weren't born into a Moslem or religious Jewish family;
* Asian men other than Koreans, Filipinos, and Moslems;
* Latinos not born in private clinics;
* Canadian, Australian, and New Zealand men under 30.
So girl, if you're gonna flirt with a foreigner, get used to the hoodie on the woodie. For that matter, I hear there's lots of young dudes with skin west of Denver. Long sleeves are back in fashion…
I think the sliding sheath is rather cute, even reminds me of my pink bits. Makes handjob foreplay a cinch, even without lube. Same goes for sex between the thighs. Blowjobs are fine if he washes beforehand. Best of all, the uncut number just doesn't look aggressive or threatening. The health risks of uncut vanish if he's wears a latex jacket when playing hide the salami, which we girls should insist on regardless of cut status.
In March 2007, the WHO and the Joint United Nations Programme on HIV and AIDS (UNAIDS), published data that concluded male circumcision is an effective intervention for HIV prevention. It reviewed the results of 3 randomized controlled trials and recommended that "male circumcision should be recognized as an additional, important strategy for the prevention of heterosexually acquired HIV infection in men."
Miss Klein, this conversation is a killah! :))
stay naughty
your Romanian fan
Miss Klein, this conversation is a killah! :))
stay naughty
your Romanian fan
Dear women,
I want to give you some tips and facts.
Ignore the peer pressure.
Circumcision is personal injury as is female genital mutilation.
Don't mutilate your son or daughter, please.
Women have over 2 times more nerves in their private area than uncut men. Cut men have even less.
Cut men do not endure longer during copulation, they only feel less.
Women have over 20 times more often infections in their private area than men. Healthy people have even more bacteria in their mouths than anywhere else.
So kissing on the mouth is what is disgusting! Don't kiss little babies. Their immune system is not fully developed.
Ask some gastronomy hygiene expert, if you don't believe it. In the kitchen there often more bacteria than in the bath room.
When the weenie is washed there is no problem with it.
When you have fear to wash the penis of your son let your husband do it or tell him to do it himself as you have to show your daughter how to clean their private parts.
Thank you for reading.
The African clinical trials, sponsored by WHO and UNAIDS, have nothing to say about whether circ in advanced countries is a desirable thing. In Africa, AIDS is heterosexually transmitted. In our world, AIDS is largely confined to gay men and needle users. And pray tell, why is AIDS much worse in cut USA than in uncut Europe?
Stephanie, are you a formerly good and now bored Jewish girl, who wants to tempt fate by teasing European goys about the long sleeve on their short arms? Do you long for the thrill of taking a Walk on the Wild Side on the safe and cheap? Or is the above passage just part of your Jewish girl nerd's fantasy life?
For what I know, by that "tool" you only do two things (need no to detail, I hope), and on the ground of my personal experience none of them was affected by circumcision. I was done as a child and never had a problem vs those functions (Ok… there may be somebody who also uses "it" for "thinking"… too bad, I do not have such a talent, so I always sticked only to the two up mentioned functions) — and let alone the fact that according women who have experienced both, they told that circumcised men are more energetic and last longer… — but who cares of women opinions?
As one of my three favorite bodily parts, it's hard for me to see how a penis could be neglected to the point of being dirty or tender. Can't speak for other men, tho.
BTW, one little-mentioned benefit to being a turtelneck, is that a nice stretchy foreskin (and it will stretch!) can be bunched up in front so that slipping into the orifice of choice can be accomplished almost friction-free, unrolling as you go.
Could come in handy if I ever have sex again.
My boyfriend is natural(intact foreskin)and I can’t believe how good sex is with him…when I compare him to other partners who were circumcised. I no longer use any lube and I think that’s because of his foreskin. There is so much more to play with when your guy has a ‘natural penis.’
Regarding hygiene, it takes me a lot longer to maintain myself than it does for him to do the same thing.
Below is a comment by the famous Jewish physician about why Jews circumcised their males.
Maimonides, Moses
The Guide of the Perplexed
Translated by Shlomo Pines
The University of Chicago Press, 1963
(Many scholars consider this to be
the most authoritative translation to date.)
Similarly with regard to circumcision, one of the reasons for it is, in my opinion, the wish to bring about a decrease in sexual intercourse and a weakening of the organ in question, so that this activity be diminished and the organ be in as quiet a state as possible. It has been thought that circumcision perfects what is defective congenitally. This gave the possibility to everyone to raise an objection and to say: How can natural things be defective so that they need to be perfected from outside, all the more because we know how useful the foreskin is for that member? In fact this commandment has not been prescribed with a view to perfecting what is defective congenitally, but to perfecting what is defective morally. The bodily pain caused to that member is the real purpose of circumcision. None of the activities necessary for the preservation of the individual is harmed thereby, nor is procreation rendered impossible, but violent concupiscence and lust that goes beyond what is needed are diminished. The fact that circumcision weakens the faculty of sexual excitement and sometimes perhaps diminishes the pleasure is indubitable. For if at birth this member has been made to bleed and has had its covering taken away from it, it must indubitably be weakened. The Sages, may their memory be blessed, have explicitly stated: It is hard for a woman with whom an uncircumcised man has had sexual intercourse to separate from him. In my opinion this is the strongest of the reasons for circumcision.
Thank you for the work you have put into this post, it helps clear up some questions I had.I will bookmark your blog because your posts are very informative.
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