If you need anything

Phil is having a severe stroke. He cannot move the right side of his body at all. Not his eyelids.

“If you need anything, please let me know.” I wish I was a better delegator. I wish I could tell someone. I need someone to take the kids to camp, pick them up for lunch, drop them off at camp and pick them up again. A lot of driving. I am in shock.



  1. So sorry!! If I lived near you, I would jump at the chance to help! In my experience people really do want you to give them something to do. Reach out to your friends with these specific tasks. We often feel so helpless to make things a tiny bit easier for our friends and loved ones when the going gets tough. Let them help you. Healing prayers sent.

  2. I haven’t read your blog in years and happened upon this minutes after you posted it. Your book straight up and dirty helped me through a very very hard time in my life – a bad breakup with a bad person. I am praying for you and your family. Hang in there.

  3. Oh my god, Stephanie, I am so sorry this is happening. You are all in my prayers.

  4. I’m sending you and your family all the positive energy, courage, and love in my heart.

  5. I can only wish you well and
    I’ll keep you in my thoughts.

  6. I am so sorry to hear this Stephanie.
    You need to ask for the support you need.
    Wishing your family the best.

  7. I am so sorry. I wish I could think of the right words to say. My dad had a couple of massive strokes when he was 38. Several years later after physical therapy and speech and occupational therapy, my parents decided to have me. He hasn’t had a stroke since, knock on wood. I will be thinking of you guys.

  8. I’m so sorry to hear this. I’ve been reading you for years, and my heart goes out to you guys. Please keep us posted.

  9. I hope things are better than they were when you posted. You are in my thoughts tonight.

  10. Thinking of you and yours during this difficult time. Praying for the best.

  11. Oh my goodness, Stephanie. I am so sorry. Wishing you all the strength and support you need during this time, and through Phil’s recovery.

  12. Stephanie, I am so sorry. I am a speech pathologist who worked on a neuro rehab unit for many years. Please contact me if I can help you in any way. Sending prayers.

  13. So, so sorry to hear about Phil. My husband has had some health scares so I know sort of how you feel. Sending good thoughts. x

  14. There’s nothing I can say that will help but I hope it’s some comfort to know how many people out there are hoping for only the best for you and your family.

  15. Being such a busy person, I often skip the emails that demand more than a nano second of my attention . I went to delete this email- no time . It would not delete so I said – let me read this email that doesn’t want to leave. Now I know why – you need all the collective meditations and prayers right this very second. Sending healing and love. My mom had a serious stroke at 57. Brain surgery- icu, ventilator. That was 25 years ago. She’s still with us. Blessings to you all.

  16. Thinking of your lovely family today. You are surrounded by people who want to help – you are doing them a favour by asking.

  17. Stephanie, my thoughts are with you, Phil, and the kids. Wish I lived closer and actually knew you so I could drive the kids to camp. Sending you all positive thoughts to a swift recovery.

  18. OMG, I just checked my email and saw this message. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. I’m praying for you Phil, and all of you.

  19. I am so sorry that this is happening. I am sending all my love and good vibes to you, Phil, the Beans and your entire family. <3

  20. Oh, Stephanie!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so terribly sorry that this has happened!!!

    Please don’t feel guilty to ask for help. You need all the support you can get right now!

    I am sending Phil healing thoughts and prayers for a swift recovery.

  21. So sorry to hear this, Stephanie. People who say “if you need anything, let me know” mean it. Delegate the driving and hang in there.

  22. Hi Stephanie — What Jessica said about years & what Nancy said about giving people specific tasks. Sorry this is the 1st news I get of your doings after a few years. You, Phil, and the kids are in my thoughts.

  23. Oh honey – sending every positive vibe, thought, courage and strength from here. If your darlings want an excursion out west, pop them on a plane and I’ll tuck them under my wings until you and Phil are back on your feet.

  24. Please update when you can – been reading for years and would come help if I could! Thinking of you, Phil and the kiddos today…

  25. Stephanie, My prayers are with you. I can’t imagine all the pain and difficulties that you must be going thru but please stay strong, confident and connected to your spirituality. I find myself being able to get thru the most difficult times (and the most joyful ones as well) more consciously by staying close to my Buddhist practice. Whatever spiritual path you have, please stay connected. My practice which is very easy and accessible (chanting, studying and helping others) works every single time, it refreshes my determination and it helps maintain a high life condition. we are stronger than what we admit. If you are open to try it please visit sgi-usa.org. Below is one my favorite poems – encountered in this practice…

    “Faith is – to fear nothing
    To stand unswayed
    The power ot surmount any obstacle.
    Faith is the source from which all solutions flow.
    Faith is the engine that propels us in the thrilling voyage of life
    A life victorious and transcendent”

    Daisaku Ikeda

  26. I’m a long time reader and am so sorry to hear this, sending prayers for strength and healing. Ask for help – as moms we try to, but cannot, do it all.

  27. Can you delegate a delegator? One of my dear friends lost her husband this year. One of her friends stepped up and was the one point of contact–organizing helpers and keeping her kitchen stocked, meals coming in, and house clean. I’ll bet there’s someone who would be honored to do this for you. Please take good care. I’m sending good wishes for your whole family and will check back soon for hopefully better news.

    1. Author

      This is an excellent idea. I just now sent the kids to sleep over their grandparents’ house for a few days, just so that’s one less thing to worry about!

  28. Stephanie – I am so sorry to read this. Sending all the good thoughts in the world to you and Phil and your family.

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