neurosurgeons + alcoholic popsicles

Rather than list all the things I haven’t been doing, with blog writing being on there somewhere, why not go at the affirmative? For instance, rather than carp about the fact that I haven’t been sleeping, I’ll trade you this precious jewel: I’ve been up late spinning through the local sex offender registry. I’ve been clicking on random names seeing if the offenders are old, male, black, white, Jewish. A mass email from the kids’ elementary school principal landed in my inbox, alerting guardians of a new Level 3 (highest-risk) offender, right down to his home address. There’s an attachment to the email with the offender’s photo, and date it was taken (March 29, 2012). Designated as a “Sexually Violent Offender,” he was sentenced to serve 15 years in state prison. Now he’s out. So are others. It’s what I do late night aside from looking up Weight Watcher Points Plus values.

DMV. I’ve been there three times now. It’s like Joe vs. The Volcano in there. I’m terrified of what my photo will look like. I debated showing up with a tiara and a feather boa. Think they’d allow that? I can’t see why not.

The other day Phil and I took Lucas to an appointment with his new Neurosurgeon, Dr. Wissoff. We walked into his room and faced his desk as he spoke with us about Lucas, when he’ll need another surgery to add more tubing to the shunt he received when he was six months old. To our backs was a man sitting on a sofa. He was not introduced, nor did he speak during our meeting. At one point, Phil turned around and said, “What is this Meet Joe Black?” An awesome reference. If you haven’t seen this movie–a remake of Death Takes A Holiday–see it. It’s magical… and it will have you craving either peanut butter or cold lamb sandwiches. I am dreading any upcoming surgery that may have to happen when he turn seven

I’ve been back on Weight Watchers. Going gluten-free was the absolute worst thing I ever could have done. Tell me I can’t have something, like Gluten, and I will eat everything I am allowed to eat, even shit I never would’ve eaten before. First thing you do when you try going gluten-free? You go to the gluten-free aisle and buy absolutely anything that looks good. Cookies, pizza, dinner rolls and muffins. I wish I could rewind. Since going gluten-free I gained fifteen pounds. I’m now back in Weight Watcher meetings, measuring my wine, and I feel better. Because I’m in control again… and I can have cupcakes and still lose weight.

I’m joining a gym. I’ve tried working out in our community gym, but I’m always the ONLY person in there, and there’s no real motivation, no fun classes, no friends to make.

I tried taking a Soul Cycle class, which is similar I’m told to Fly Wheel. Basically, it’s a regular spin class only it’s in the dark and you can rent the shoes that clip into the bikes. It was absurdly hard, mostly on my hearing. That is, it wasn’t that the music was too loud–it wasn’t. But I couldn’t understand the instructor on the microphone. I had to keep looking around to see what everyone else was doing, if I was in rhythm with them. And your ASS IS BRUISED INSIDE WHERE A BONE MUST BE FOR FIVE DAYS AFTERWARD. It’s not that you’re sore afterward in that way you are from an intense workout, where you can barely walk DOWN a flight of stairs. No. This is a deep bruised feeling, deep inside your ass and it has nothing to do with the muscles worked. I used a gel seat and it did NOTHING for me. To invest in a pair of DIAPER SPANDEX (aka padded bicycle shorts), I’d need to really love it. Which I do not.

I’m finally working on my book proposal for my next memoir. Thank goodness. I am definitely hungry for a new writing workshop group. I was in Manhattan last week, visiting with a friend of mine from Boca… whom I met in our writing class. I’ve of course been spending time with Dulce and Alexandra, but I can never really get enough. I have other friends out here, but I haven’t managed to make it happen. When I do actually leave the house, it’s to go to a cafe to write or to run errands. I’ve just never been one to “lunch.” I eat lunch at my desk. I never meet people for lunch. However, cocktails I’m always game–only it’s harder now with Phil not home until after 7. That means it’s me at home with the kids from 3pm onward. Arts and crafts, exploring, having a ball, having a breakdown, all yes. I’ll have to figure out how to meet friends for cocktails again.

This Wednesday is their last day of camp… which means my days will go back to being completely unproductive as far as my book proposal or any writing goes. Instead it will be Camp Stephanie until school begins, August 28th. They’ve really loved camp and have both made friends who’ll be attending the same kindergarten. Bonus. I’m looking forward to buying school supplies and going clothes shopping for school. In a formal way, the way we did when I was younger, when our mother would take us for dress shoes and dress coats, for sweaters and boots and turtlenecks all in one go. In the days to come, my last days of freedom, I plan to get a haircut.

I bought a Zoku quick pop maker! This will be the end of me. Instant gratification. No waiting for the pops to set in the freezer. My plan? To make alcoholic ice pops that are Weight Watcher point value friendly. I know several sites specialize in alcoholic pops, but I want to make one that’s high in protein, too. I’ll let you how it works out.



  1. “To our backs was a man sitting on a sofa. He was not introduced, nor did he speak during our meeting.”

    I fired an OT for this.

    Wait, that’s not fair.

    This and holding an unasked for and in the waiting room amidst the crowds meeting.

    Topic: “Let’s discuss your child’s diagnosis and why I think he should see ANOTHER doctor because I, the therapist, disagree with the three highly esteemed specialists, from three different pediatric sub-specialties, who made said diagnosis.”

    But also there was a lady who came out with her and was standing behind her the whole time who was never introduced and never spoke but stared openly at my child the whole time. And that sealed the deal.

    (Found out later it was a first year medical student. Don’t care.)

  2. Nice to hear all your news Stephanie. Regarding spin classes… bloody torture! So incredibly sore in the butt & vag. areas & way too much sweating going on. Also the feeling of a heart attack at any moment didn’t inspire me to do another class. Mlllions like it, not for me. Good luck with WW.

  3. That is EXACTLY why I quit spinning. I could never get comfortable on the bike, even with the shorts, gel seat, etc. I always felt bruised. I was actually glad that didn’t have a boyfriend at the time because I could not imagine the discomfort after a spin class! I gave spinning a good try — stuck with it for 6 months — but it’s not for me. Delicate blossom!

  4. Ah, the smell of new folders. New school year, new starts for the beans – and for you, too! Good luck putting your writing self back together. Looking forward to your next memoir. I loved SU&D and Moose.

  5. Why is the spin class in the dark? Never heard of that.

    Good for you for getting motivated and in shape. I keep saying I will. Tomorrow.

  6. “At one point, Phil turned around and said, “What is this Meet Joe Black?” ” I’m so curious. Did he respond to that comment? Was he ever introduced to you?

    1. Author

      Yes, he was then introduced as a medical student. Mind you, we realized the entire time he was a medical student, just by assumption. Still, I think it’s best practice to always introduce a student.

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