Nope. This is not a photo of me on Halloween (though I will post one). It’s me, today, just back from Los Angeles, where it seemed all the ladies were sporting strappy motorcycle boots with leggings or skinny jeans, and every woman seemed to be workin’ the Hair Bumpits. It’s true. At first I thought the Bumpits were a Texas thing, everything is bigger in Texas, after all. Now I know better. 

As for the mom cleavage, I’m wearing a new "housewife" purchase. Ever notice how the ladies on Real Housewives of Orange County (also Atlanta) are always wearing their booby tops? Well, they are. And no, it’s not that I aspire to be a Real Housewife of Anywhere, but I’ve always believed in showcasing your groceries if you’ve got ’em. Mine are hidden behind a lock of hair. You’re quite welcome. All I’ll say about the bump hairstyle is that it’s a fun change, even if it does make me feel super paranoid, as if people can see through my pile of teased hair. It’s better than seeing through my top to the pile of excess body I’m working thanks to the skinny jean. My work is done here. Though I have a suspicion that my cleavage might be making an appearance on the Rachael Ray show tomorrow! I’ve already seen myself on the promo clip.