If you think jokes about balls and swinging scrotums are inherently funny, your dominant archetype element is fire–at least according to my younger sister Lea. A licensed massage therapist, Lea (and my sweet baby Linus) are moving from Montana to Florida, so Lea can pursue her Master’s in acupuncture and Chinese herbs and medicine. For four years she’ll be studying five elements acupuncture: wood, fire, earth, metal, & water (no, air ain’t part of the deal–these aren’t horoscopes). This basically means she says shit like, "Your house has too much wind Stephanie. Who can sit under a ceiling fan like that? Seriously, inner wind makes you twitch. You know what’s good for that? Celery root. Now get on that puree of yours, Neph."

Woo-woo crazy aside, I definitely believe in the power of Eastern medicine, especially the type Lea is studying which encourages students to focus on developing and trusting their intuition. As a writer, I’m fascinated by personality types and archetypes, holding them up against one another, then attaching that archetype to a character, pushing it further, adding unique details to make the character authentic, as if it’s someone you know. Someone who pops her gum, only drinks coffee at night, won’t poop in a public bathroom, and most important is full of contradictions.

I by no means have studied the five elements, but had I, I’d know which element preferred potty humor to slapstick humor. We’re a mix of each element, mind you, but we obviously have more dominant qualities, and according to the one site I found (where I took the quiz), it’s interesting to note which are supporting elements (next to each other) versus contrasting elements within us. Wood, Fire, Earth are complementary elements, whereas Fire and Water are contrasting as are Wood and Metal. "Adjacent elements with high scores reflect a strong supporting relationship, while opposite elements with high scores reflect a strong conflicting relationship. In this context, conflict is not necessarily good or bad- it represents the potential for movement and change as well as instability." Take the quiz. Do you agree with your findings?

Not at all surprising, Phil and I are opposites.

STEPHANIE’S FIVE ELEMENTS (FIRE crotch)

WOOD ARCHETYPE: The Pioneer………………………… 7
FIRE ARCHETYPE: The Wizard……………………………… 17
EARTH ARCHETYPE: The Peacemaker……………………. 12
METAL ARCHETYPE: The Alchemist………………………… 4
WATER ARCHETYPE: The Philosopher……………………. 3

PHIL’S FIVE ELEMENTS: (WATER retention)

WOOD ARCHETYPE: The Pioneer………………………… 9
FIRE ARCHETYPE: The Wizard……………………………… 7
EARTH ARCHETYPE: The Peacemaker……………………. 7
METAL ARCHETYPE: The Alchemist………………………… 7
WATER ARCHETYPE: The Philosopher……………………. 12

3 YEARS AGO: Found Letter
5 YEARS AGO: How the West Was Won