I so love the gay man. I need to adopt some here in Austin. I’m actually being set up on a fag hag date. I don’t know if there’s anyone more fun. I need more Austin lady friends who want to go to gay bars with me to befriend the fabulous gay man. Anyone who can say, "I’d like to see a bit more glitz" is a good scrambled egg.

I do not approve of these jump vest numbers. Why is the one piece jumpsuit back? And what is going on with the drop waist? Drop waist dresses are for the Good Ship Lollipop.

Hello: I love Dwight. I totally get why Real Housewives of Atlanta is so popular. I have a friend here in Austin who is the white NeNe–and I adore her. Can she be a bitch, yes. But can’t we all? I have to say, whether we like it or not, we’re fascinated by people who are true to themselves. They might say some really dumb things, they might be insecure and needy for attention, but if they never apologize for being who they are, we kinda can’t help but love them.

Chris Noth is small, not big. The whole Criminal Intent series of Law & Order kinda sucks. It’s such a poor man’s SVU. The mysterious "who done it" isn’t mysterious. The "who" is usually painfully obvious in the first act. And honestly, the freckled chic with the pixie cut could stand to wear a dress. The studs in her ears are smaller than a first ear pierce gold ball. She’s terribly asexual–what the hell kind of type-casting is that for a cop?

People can’t possibly enjoy bathtub sex. Let’s begin with the fact that you’re WRINKLED. Face it, any natural lubrication your body secretes is washed away, and you’re left with a soapy in and out mess.

4 YEARS AGO: Dookie, Turning Corners
5 YEARS AGO: In a Step