a year in review

I was clicking through the archives of this site just now, trying to gather up bits of memory for my year in review holiday cards. I was hoping to make a list of favorite moments from 2007. I always hear new parents say the first year was a blur. It wasn’t a blur. It was just boring. But you had twins! No, I had twins in 2006, and in 2007 there was breastfeeding and too much food. And no fun clothes. I didn’t leave the house. I was a shut-in, and I was a cranky bitchfest. I spent the year pissed off. I was angry about being fat. I fucking hated feeling incompetent, not knowing exactly how to comfort the tots, then listening to Phil tell me how I could do it all better, his way, and what really pissed me off? Listening to strangers comment on my blog with, "don’t you have more important things to do than blog? Like take care of your newborns?"

I’m angry at myself now for ever letting those people get to me. I’m angry at all the people who made me feel bad about feeling fat. Who said, "it’s not about you. How selfish are you?" Yes, it is about me. It doesn’t stop being about me just because life changes, just because the universe shifts a little, just because you become a mother. You can take care of others and still think about yourself. And making people feel bad about this serves who, exactly?

I remember in remarkable detail not wanting to get out of bed just because I heard a child cry. Sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I left it to Phil. Sometimes I did. They thrived. Things got easier. I still get pissed at all the people and their warnings of how hard it would be. Why do that?

I was a new mother, am a new mother, and if you asked me how I felt, I doubt you’d hear overwhelmed, or even exhausted. Those wouldn’t be the first words out. Like a tub. A porker. A roll. And I hated not fitting into clothes without elastic. I still see women shopping at Target with their newborns, a car seat in the shopping cart, and I think, "how is she that thin with a child that age?" Must be the nanny, I hope. But I know it’s not. And I get angry that I’m not her. I’m not thin mom. And I get angry that I’m even angry about it. Not all that much has changed in a year.



  1. I don't know how much this helps but I saw your photos from the post the other day and I think you look amazing! You're not fat, you look great! I understand how it feels when you gain weight, I am just learning now, at 25, that I can't eat brownies everyday and not gain weight. I look back at pics from 4 years ago, knowing that at the time I thought I was fat, and now, wishing I was as fat as I was 4 years ago. So, I just wanted to let you know, that looking at you in your photo's, you look good! And, you are one of those people that other people look at and wonder how you got so skinny after TWINS just a year ago!! Hope that helps a little!

  2. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how 10 pounds found it's way to my ass within the last year, when my youngest is almost 4…..fuck it.

    I'll worry about it after Jan. 1. I swear I will.

  3. My daughter is 15 months now, and although I don't have a public blog, so I don't have to put up with the public comments (negative or otherwise) I remember feeling (and sometimes still do) like I suddenly became invisible… it seemed as though the phrase "How are you?" was replaced with "How is the baby?"… and there is the guilt of even feeling like you want someone to ask… like you want it to be about you for just ONE minute.

    Maybe it isn't all about you anymore, but people need to remember you are still there and you are a big BIG part of the picture. We are not invisible. Take heart… you are not alone.

  4. Stephanie, you look great!! From the look of the most recent pix you appear to be back down to about 128 lbs which you said you were happier at. Or is it 123? What I wouldn't give….I am 5'5" and 145 trying to make my way back to 130 but damn those Nigella Lawson thumbprint cookies and mulled wine. *SIGH*

    FROM STEPHANIE: Thank you. I promise, I did not post this to hear how good or bad I look. I don't know what I weigh, though I'd guess about 137. I'm a size 8, sometimes 10, depending. I'm not willing to be on a crazy lose it now diet. I'd rather just do it all slowly, while enjoying cookies and wine and the comforts of the season. This reads: standing at the refrigerator, with the freezer door open, eating frozen cookies, tucked away in the freezer to stop me from eating them. See how well it works?

  5. you look like a million bucks! you crazy! i think your new years resolution should be not to be crazy hard on yourself.

  6. I've found that it is tricky to talk honestly with moms-to-be. If you tell it straight-up you get accused of being negative and if you gloss over the hard stuff and only talk about how wonderful motherhood is, then you give new moms a false sense of reality. I think the best thing to do is not give unsolicited advice (and the newer the mom, the more she typically wants to give advice to the even newer mom) and just be supportive. Btw, when my second child was about to turn three, I realized I couldn't call my extra pounds baby fat anymore! It's the feeling of not being able to fit into your clothes that makes you feel bad about yourself, no matter how many pounds you weigh. I've picked up five since Thanksgiving and it makes me mad at myself for giving up what I worked months to lose.

  7. I looked at your photos yesterday and thought, "Damn, the girl looks good!" And then I took a mental note on how to apply eyeshadow while holding a baby. I also experienced about a dozen envious thoughts, inspired by your handbag collection, your kitchen, your scrapbooking talent, your ability to rock a scarf, and your cute-as-pie children. Not in that order, I suppose.

    No matter what anyone says to you, I know you'll never be happy until you like what you see in the mirror. And it's not about some introspective bullshit–it's about zipping up a pair of jeans in a size that you want to see. Period.

    For what it's worth, though–not everyone reads this blog to criticize you. Some of us wish you and your family nothing but the best and think you're doing a great job making that happen.

    FROM STEPHANIE: THANK YOU!!! You just made my day. Particularly the reminder that not everyone reads to criticize. And the jeans comment.

  8. Stephanie, I can relate to your weight struggles. I always have, which is why I'm eager to read Moose. I know you've mentioned that you were once a size 16. When was that? In the pictures that you have posted online, it doesn't appear that you've had weight fluctuations (other than your pregnancy). How did you lose the weight and physically become who you are now? I wonder about these things. I wonder how you are a foodie – who makes delicious food, how you eat cookies, don't exercise that much (or do you? you don't mention that much) and still maintain your size. You look good. You look great. I want to know your secret, or at least your philosophy. Thanks for sharing.

  9. Babies are hard – and they make you fat! My youngest (of four) will be two in April. Still working on the "baby" fat.

    Boring – yes. I remember that feeling. Right up there with trapped.

    It gets better. Much better.

  10. I know that you're not looking for validation, but I really enjoy reading your posts about your self-image issues. (Not that I'm happy that you have them, I just like to know that other women in this world have the same thoughts that I do.) I just turned 30 and will embark on the baby train in the next year or two, starting with a body that's already in need of losing a few or 30. The thoughts about losing, how I'm going to do it, how much self-discipline I lack, etc… consume me on certain days. I can't imagine that having a kid will cause me to just forget those thoughts, especially since I will most likely need to lose a few *more* at that point. It's good for me to hear how you are dealing, that you have ups and you have downs and you have days where you just say, "Yah, it bothers me, but I can deal for now." That helps me. So, thank you for that.

    And, I also echo the comments that you look *really* good. You look normal, in a beautiful way. You look like you could be a woman who DIDN'T have twins a year ago. But you look happy as a woman who did. :) Cheers!

    FROM STEPHANIE: What a wonderful comment. Thank you.

  11. Stephanie,
    Ignore the critics! I will 2nd the good comments. You look great and have been under incredible stress this past year. Give yourself time and space and don't stress about your weight.

  12. People always tell me they love babies. When I had my son, I loved him, yes, but he was just a blob. Didn't really do anything, except eat, cry, poop and sleep. I felt so useless half the time. I loved when he started to talk. I was no longer having crazy conversations with myself to a little being that did not respond. My son is four, and this is probably my favorite age. His personality, his decisions, his stubborn little attitude. I love that he is turning into his own person.

    Everyone has their times.

    You look great, happy. There are many more people sending supporting to you on this site, than not. It seems overwhelming at times, and we tend to dwell on the negative.

    Life and parenting are about falling on our faces and learning, every parent has and will continue to do it.

    Happy Hannukah and Merry Christmas to you, Phil and the Beans!

  13. How sad. You have so much to be happy and thankful for, and all you do is bitch, whine(and wine!), and talk about yourself. Who cares how your big ass looks, when YOU are the ass?! Your long face clearly shows your egotism,greed,and fascination with the trivial,surface and unimportant aspects of life. Don't you know that your readers, just like the people you think are your friends, are laughing behind your back at you? You write, as in the physical act, but you are no writer. You have had your 15 minutes of fame, and now you will sink into the abyss of nothingness fitting the empty,trivial content of your writing.By the way, I am someone you consider your close friend, but I only stay around you for a good laugh. Even Phil is in on the joke, and, in fact, leads the pack behind your back!You are an arrogant, superficial mess and it's time you knew because everybody else does. Call you soon, as usual,Steph! Bye, girlfriend!

    FROM STEPHANIE: Sorry, but I don't have any friends in Plano, Texas. Good tidings to you.

  14. Stephanie, I always wonder what kind of unhappy person reads other peoples' blogs and then leaves nasty comments. Does it make them feel better about themselves? Do they feel somewhat superior to people who blog? What gives them the right to comment negatively to my life and my feelings? The only thing I can come up with is that they must be miserable, lonely and sad. They are like bullies on the internet, trying to knock someone else down so they can feel better.
    I love your blog. I love your honesty. You make me laugh, cry, get angry at the situations you are having to face, and understand.
    Thanks so much for sharing your life with us. Merry Christmas! Now go drink some egg nog, eat some fudge and don't worry about your weight, because I think you're great!

  15. Stephanie…I see pg women before birth and after birth who barely look like they are carrying or could have carried a child. I'm obsessed with them and I don't know, for the life of me, how they can look that thin. And I'm jealous. And I don't have an eating disorder, nor am I pg or have any kids.

    So- I think the way you feel is pretty fucking realistic. lol. Seriously. I like that you put it out there. I've said before, I sort of feel a little parallel with a lot you've written about your life…so, in my mind, if you can obsess, so can we all. And we're all sort of normal in whatever dysfunction of the day we're in.

    It IS about you- here- in your blog. No one knows what your real, day to day life is…and if you want to bitch or complain, well- it's how you feel at the time, even if it isn't how you feel sometimes 5 min after you click the POST button.

    Not that you need anyone's apologies or validation over your feelings…including mine. I even admit to thinking you overdramatize sometimes. But, who doesn't?? I'm a Leo so I know even thinking you're self-involved for a minute is like, "Hello Pot, meet Kettle". Haha.

    And I give you a lot of credit for being able to post with all you've gone through with having preemie twins, having deadlines for your book, being a new mom and new wife at the same time…It's a lot. Being able to post for strangers to relate to is self-LESS and a gift.

    Have a great weekend.

    FROM STEPHANIE: Another awesome comment! I love Friday!

  16. Oh good! I thought I was the only one who ate my cookies frozen after thinking that would work to keep my hands out of them.

    Another I know you are not looking for validation that you look good BUT you do look very good and I hope to look as good as you after I have my baby (currently 9 months pregnant.)

  17. I surely hope you don't take that post from Susie Q to heart. What a vile post…she either has self-esteem issues or is violently jealous. I know that people who write blogs are letting themselves in for all sorts of grief as well as interesting and lively comments (which are 99% of yours), but you must have to grow a remarkable exoskeleton to withstand this kind of sh**.

    FROM STEPHANIE: Yup, but people like Susie Q. aren't quite smart enough to hurt. They do make you realize, though, there are some people out there who just want, so desperately, to be loved.

  18. Well I think you're fabulous, and I could say "noooo, you don't need to lose weight", but I know as well as anyone that it never really matters how we look to other people – just ourselves. Personally, I think you looked positively glam all done up in those pics, in that "I'm just wearing white shirt and jeans yet somehow it's a fabulous outfit" way that I can never seem to pull off.

    As a side note, I haven't had a baby, and I work with a woman who has a baby and has hips and thighs I could only dream about, so what's my excuse? I just chalk it up to "well, she is french, so…" something about all things in moderation that a greek/italian girl from long island never really got the hang of. Enjoy your holidays and worry about the cookie damage after new years!

  19. And I was thinking how great you looked (the jeans full length shot) and was like, shit. Ok. I have some hope (having baby weight myself). I didn't post initially to avoid some asshole coming on here and ranting about all the 'sycophants' who pander, etc. like I have seen before. You're a little precious pea so feel better about how you look. I think it's great some people on here are supporting your esteem a little with the positive comments. It's a blog yeah, but symbiotic. You can post something that resonates with someone in a profound way, helping them along the way. Then when you're feeling shitty a commenter can post that you have a great ass! See how it works? Win win.
    Have a good weekend :)

    FROM STEPHANIE: You're so right. Thank you.

  20. Ok- just reading the prior comments because they are usually so insightful. This bit:
    "By the way, I am someone you consider your close friend, but I only stay around you for a good laugh. Even Phil is in on the joke, and, in fact, leads the pack behind your back!You are an arrogant, superficial mess and it's time you knew because everybody else does. Call you soon, as usual,Steph! Bye, girlfriend!"

    I assume Stephanie you have some way to see the IP address yes? Hence the Plano, TX comment. Meaning it was from someone you don't know. That's just evil.

    So to Suzy Q, aside from lack of manners you clearly have glaring psychological issues to mount such an attack on anyone, much less a stranger. Look into that.

    FROM STEPHANIE: Yup. Though I prefer calling e-ville.

  21. I don't understand why these trolls come here to post such negative things to you Stephanie. I'm sure it must be because no one has anything nice to say about them in real life…since they obviously don't deserve it…so they have to bully about the internet. You people that bully Stephanie…you're not strong…you're just like everyone else…so get over yourself & get your own life. Keep on doing what you do Dear Stephanie. I for one get a lot from your insights into life, love & marriage & look forward to more in 2008. Best wishes to you & your family for a wonderful holiday.

  22. I have never come across someone who remained so unchanged by motherhood. I am not sure if this is something to envy or pity.

    FROM STEPHANIE: See, this is the kind of comment I mean. Why would you say this? It is possible to adore your children and still feel like a Buick. You can be delighted and completely wound up in a smile, and you can still feel like shit when there's a double chin and arm cellulite in your holiday photos. You don't stop thinking these things just because your children are adorable.

  23. Have you tried spinning or running? It helped me lose my baby weight. I know running can be a love/hate relationship with many people, but it works. I love food too much to give up what I enjoy, so I exercise to eat.
    Having been fat many years ago, however, I know that it's impossible to be happy with your body. I've been there. You look great, though.

    Thanks for this sincere post that any mother (new or older) should appreciate.

  24. This is sort of the reason why I think all that mother-to-mother or woman-to-woman advice is not only useless, but often detrimental. I mean all that women's magazine advice which try to tell you how to feel, how to deal with situations, that try to establish some kind of norm of what's ok and what isn't, be it with relationship "advice" or "how life will be as a new mother" etc. I stopped reading all that kind of crap a long time ago. I find that life is a lot easier, more fulfilled, and has a lot less anxious self-doubt and self-questioning when you stop thinking of yourself as a woman, or a new mom, or a whatever, and just think of yourself as a person. Figure out what your own advice is, to yourself, on a human level, outside of gender or social role. All those things are really just noise, and much more often than not they'll just make you feel bad about your own choices and what feels right to you.
    I don't really know if this post has made much sense at all, but maybe you get the idea: you shouldn't have to feel bad about the way you feel at all. mothers' experiences and fathers' experiences are no doubt very different, but nobody would so much as bat an eyelash at a new father expressing these types of worries (I guess the weight doesn't apply specifically, but I mean more generally) or continuing to be a human being in first place and a father in second.

  25. I think having kids has made me even more aware and frustrated with my weight struggles. I do not ever want my kids to be embarrassed because of me or to have to endure "fat mom" jokes. That breaks my heart. People are crazy if they think you are supposed to forget about yourself after you have kids – if we did, that would be a disservice to not only ourselves, but to our kids as well.

    FROM STEPHANIE: I've preached this so long and so hard and always come up against a tribe of women, most vehemently, declaring the opposite. To always put your children first. And then people argue back, pointing out the need to secure your own oxygen mask before tending to those around you. And then someone will strike in with the word "balance," and everyone will nod as if that shade of gray is a philosophy. Of course "balance." We all get that. It doesn't mean we can't bitch about our blubber or backsides. "Mommy" ends with "my" for a reason.

  26. haha! Balance? With children? No such thing. When the kids need something – it is all about them. When the kids are playing quietly, asleep, or off painting the walls with diaper cream – it is all about me and my few moments to think about something besides "what do the babies need right now?" That's not balance, that's survival!

    FROM STEPHANIE: Yes, but when it comes to mental real estate, even, sitting with the babies, them crawling all over me, I can still read them a story, think how cute they are and also think, "Hey honey, you just climbed on my roll. Fun, huh?" I can still think about me. Why do people make it seem like it's a crime to think of yourself?

  27. I have to admit that "the roll" has often served as a pillow. Sometimes I wonder how the super skinny moms snuggle up with their babies. Mine always seemed so comfortable when sleeping on my chest & stomach – almost like a sleep number bed. Wait, that's it, that's why I didn't loose the baby weight! Now…to find another excuse since the baby will be 2 next week!

  28. the whole must sacrifice for baby.must not think of myself is very American. where I come from, we're not so harsh with other women. don't judge them because they take the time to put on make-up or exercise or dress up. they're still women who want and need to feel their best.
    a happy mommy makes a happy baby.so do whatever it takes.

  29. There is nothing more exhausting than babies. Period. And nothing that makes you evaluate, self-assess and doubt yourself more than giving every inch of your soul to dependent little beings that you love more than life itself.

    It's so hard. I've said it before – I had these sweet babies within 3 years of each other – and god…it was a wild ride. Out there in the wilds of Wyoming – no anaethesiologist on staff – no drugs to help them into the world – no pain killers – just reality…

    And then reality. I was all stretched out, tired out, emotionally exhausted, entirely responsible, physically traumatized…but I had the most astonishing set of beautiful children. Were they a reflection of me? No – not of me – only of my perfect inner self. My outer self was a train wreck.

    But, hon, you're amazing. Not only are you beautiful, but you're writing, and publishing, and sharing with the world – you're LIVING.

    I love that. And I admire you – deeply.

    I'd love to say that it changes, and that the focus comes back to you – but it doesn't – or at least it hasn't for me – yet.

    Now- we're in to 'do I want to become a medicinal chemist or a writer' with the 17 year old son… the 'am I a singer, a bell ringer, or should I play basketball to impress the boys' of the 15 year old daughter….and the 'does he like me? am I important? why can't everyone get a 4.0' questioning of the brilliant 13 year old daughter….

    Is it easier than when they were babies? Hell yes and hell no. Is it about me? Hell yes and hell no. When I am out with people – do I wax ecstatic about my personal visions and perceptions? Hell no. It's mostly about the darlings.

    Does that worry me? Hell yeah. Is there life after babies? Dunno. But it's worth every second – every moment – every breath.

    I love this time. Tomorrow morning we go to the food distribution center to fulfill service hours, but more importantly to go together – help those with less, rejoice that we have more, have a latte and a bagel on the way home, and snuggle closer together to get through this crazy world.

    Sorry to ramble – but you're in my thoughts. Cherish the time and the times.

    FROM STEPHANIE: Oh, kisses to you and your sweet babies 3 Teens!

  30. wait. really? susie q? what a hilariously creepy comment. i mean if it wasn't so funny it'd be scary. my guess is you're either one of stephanie's ex boyfriends (feeling jealous?)…or maybe you're a young girl writer, "competitor" of hers…anyway you don't sound very nice. clean it up, eh? come on now, the world doesn't need people like you.

    merry christmas!!!

  31. I enjoy reading your blog. I would like to chime in with those who said you look great these days!

    I heartily agree that motherhood should not mean sacrificing yourself on the altar of your children. My own mom did that, and God rest her soul, I know I was blessed to have been her daughter.

    But looking back, I wish that mom had taken better care of herself. To this day, I neglect myself, and I'm not blaming anyone but myself for that — but I wish mom had role-modeled a more positive example for me.

    At the risk of sounding like I'm not taking responsibility for my weight problem, I believe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. So I need to develop more of a backbone and turn this around, I know.

    When you take care of yourself, nurture and nourish yourself, you are giving a gift to your children.

    Blessings and happy holidays to you and your beautiful family.

  32. Thank you for being so honest. I hate feeling guilty about being angry about something, especially weight. It is a lot of work (this, worrying, life, being "thin") and you said it well.

  33. I loved this post. It's honest in a way a lot of writing about motherhood isn't.

    My husband recently returned from Iraq after 15 months, and in that time I cared for our two small children and then gave birth to a son and cared for him too. My life shut down and out of necessity it became all about the kids and as much as I love them it was awful. I wrote about it for a parenting website (because at least when I was writing it was a moment for myself) and I was surprised at some of the responses. I wanted to remind people that there are families struggling because of this war, but some people thought I was whining.

    I think people like things to be simple. Motherhood should be blissful, families of soldiers should be strong, etc. But that isn't real and frankly it isn't interesting.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with strangers. They make me feel less alone sometimes.

  34. Wow…I do not want to be nasty or mean, but I have read several of your posts about how you have everything you have always wanted. You seem to go out of your way to show your readers exactly what you have, in terms of material goods. Yet, you are still so unhappy. That is just sad. I sincerely hope you do not push that attitude on your innocent children, the idea that no matter what they have, it is not enough.

    FROM STEPHANIE: I'm actually not unhappy. I love my life, and that has nothing to do with material things. It doesn't matter what I "get," because "things" don't make any of us happy, not the kind of happy that lasts. Writing makes me happy. My family, my children, and food… it just does… except when it doesn't. A good blowout makes me happy. When the house is clean and smells nice, I'm happy. When everything is organized I'm happy. When I drink and play cranium with friends I'm happy. I'm happy most days. It doesn't stop negative thoughts from chiming in. It's just part of who I am. It in no way, though, makes me unhappy. It's just as much of me as all the happy. One can be grateful and still know how to bitch up a storm.

  35. Yes, It is possible to be happily married, live in a beautiful home, be a mother to cute as a button children and feel that you "look like a Buick"… you speak for so many of us, Stephanie! IMO- You look stunning!!
    Thanks for being you!!!

  36. Off topic, but it's really nice to "hear" you interacting with posters, and not just the mean psychos. This particular comments section feels really communal and friendly, despite Crazy Q's comment.

    I don't have kids of my own (yet, fingers crossed), but at my old publishing job I worked on a major pregnancy guide, and something that's been added to the latest edition is how extra hard it is after giving birth now that America is putting extra pressure on women to be a "hot mom" or "yummy mummy." Sure, those pics of Jennifer Garner playing with little Violet in US Weekly are adorable, but most new moms don't look like her, or Heidi Klum, or Victoria Beckham, or…

    You looked absolutely lovely and stylish in your "day in the life" shots, so try to go easy on yourself, especially during the holidays (when for me, at least, the combo of wine, cookies, parties, and no gym time always leaves me feeling like a big fat pastry puff).

    FROM STEPHANIE: I hear ya. People sometimes forget that I just post when the mood strikes. And just because I feel miserable one moment doesn't mean that in the next few, I won't be all, "oooh, project! Let me go roll up my sleeves and start gluing stuff! Fun." I got on the scale this morning. 142. I know if I'm good these next couple days (meaning light dinners and no snacking on cookies), I'll be back to 137. And even though I want to be 128, 137 still feels good after 142. I guess the point is, we all feel better when we know we're at least trying and not off the deep end. But I am taking it easy on myself. I know it can always be worse, and I'm not all that miserable with how I look. I'm not thrilled, but I'm not "I cannot be seen in public"–a phase I absolutely have been in before, and it's not to do with a number, just a mood.

  37. "One can be grateful and still know how to bitch up a storm."

    You are so, so right. It's called being human. We'll never be completely content with ourselves…and THAT'S OK!

    What blows me away is how people project their own insecurities onto others who don't deserve it.

    Thanks, haters (and by that I mean those who hate on others because they deep down hate themSELVES), for becoming eventual client fodder for my growing therapy career :) Stephanie, you're doing fine.

  38. In general I agree that it's silly to infer that you're unhappy or ungrateful or impossible to please or whatever based on one post, but you did write "I spent the year pissed off."

  39. susie q, you come across as some lonesome girl from Texas with a shitty job and no real dating prospects. you'll probably chime in saying how fulfilled you are, happily married, but really, if you were happy, you wouldn't pretend to be one of stephanie's "close friends." And when you said Phil was in on it, you lost all credibility, because if he were that miserable and stayed, the joke would be on him, not Stephanie. I normally don't come to Stephanie's defense, as she can clearly fend for herself, but I couldn't sit back on this one, seeing how creepy some people can be, just in an attempt to try to hurt someone else. it's just so wrong and twisted.

  40. If you yourself say that "not all that much has changed in a year", why am I chastised for agreeing, that you seem largely unchanged? You can't say that your first year of motherhood was "boring" without someone out there finding this sentiment to be a bit bizarre.

    FROM STEPHANIE: It is possible to experience joy, to be amazed at the way your children develop, and to still be bored, stuck in a house, unshowered and stinking of milk. It is possible to be bored and still in love with your children. People who are bored, I've always said, are boring people themselves. Or, I will now add, they're stuck at home, with most of their friends across the country. I need human interaction, to entertain, to cook and have fun stories and people around. I'm a Libra. I get bored sometimes when there aren't enough playgroups or coffees. Is it that hard to understand?

  41. Re the last comment, I never really understood why you moved halfway across the country from your friends and NY if, knowing that "as a Libra" you get bored without a lot of stimuli. What did you expect? I don't mean this as a criticism, it just never made much sense to me considering that you usually know yourself so well.

    FROM STEPHANIE: I thought I'd be able to have more time to make new friends. I have made some, but it's hard to connect to people in the same way, unless you have something over which to bond. I work from home, and I don't get out much. I genuinely hope to make efforts to change this once the editorial process for Moose is complete. Tonight we're taking the babies to a party! And this week I'm hosting a playgroup at our house! So baby steps… literally and figuratively.

  42. With regard to your response to Erin's post, no, it is not hard to understand. I'm someone who's unmarried and no kids, not sure that I even want them as I'm frightened of being bored and becoming boring although I know that if I were to ever have children I'd surely love them more than life itself. Thank you for putting something out there that some of us CAN understand.

    Look, I don't criticize Stephanie nor do I defend her much as she's pretty capable of doing that herself but I have to say, I enjoy this blog more than I can tell you because you never know from day to day what you're going to get. One day it's deep and meaningful, one day it's fun and frivolous, etc. and there's as much in here as I can relate to (we're the same age, grew up in the same area) as I can't (Texas, new family, etc.)

    I don't expect anyone to blog about anything except what they feel like blogging about. And if people were to just stop putting so many demands out there on what they expect to see they might enjoy this just as much as the rest of us. If you don't like it, go to another page. Or better yet, see if you can do a better job and start your own blog. Knock yourselves the hell out but for crying out loud, would you be so kind as to keep your crappy comments off this page so that the rest of us can enjoy it and not feel as though we have to address you instead of Stephanie? You know who you are.

    Stephanie, all the best to you and yours for a happy and healthy holiday season. Thanks for all that you do through your blog, please continue to keep your chin up.

    FROM STEPHANIE: You rock. 'nough said.

  43. I just posted then lost my net connection so if this post twice, sorry.

    I was one of the ones who warned about the first few months being tough. Fuck it. I will continue to warn my pregnant gfs that the first three months are rough because they are. You're sleep deprived, you have a new stranger in your life and you're trying to adjust to their schedule (though I will admit paying attn to their schedule while in womb helps tremendously), your body is all fucked up and you look like shit. Yeah, the first few months SUCK ASS and are hard but in the longrun the payoff is tremendous b/c when they do come out of that sleepy stage and begin to notice the world around them it's like a whole new beginning with them.
    I'll always tell it like it is. If someone gets pissy b/c of that like i said, fuck it. It's the truth.

    You do look great. Phil looks good too in the couple of (or one?) shots you got of him, as do Lucas and Abigail. Thanks for sharing all the pics, that was a treat :)

    happy holidays!

    FROM STEPHANIE: I didn't mean you. There are people who did this: "Twins? Oh my God! Just wait. You have no idea how bad it is! Ha, just wait!" That's what I mean. And then the ever expected, "enjoy your sleep now! 'Cause you won't get any later!" Duh. It's impossible to "enjoy your sleep" any more than you do. What you want me to throw a celebration in my dreams about how great it is I'm able to have one? I hated hearing that.

  44. Oh! And SusanC, not that you asked me, but get your bod in the best shape you've ever been in before getting pregnant, if possible, I know it sounds crazy but it helps soooo much in getting the baby weight off after you have the baby.

  45. Gee I don't think you are acting or thinking any differently then I did when I had my fitst 49 years ago. Life does not come to an end when we give birth not should all the focus be on the child. I'm sorry but parking places for pregnant Moms is insulting to me. I was told to keep right on doing what I had always done while I was pregnant all 3 times. Walking a few feet to the store will do what? Then we wonder why we are obese in the U.S. Today I still weigh 108 and it didn't just happen…I work at it like I work at my 50 year marriage and worked at raising decent children.
    Steph I think the kids are just adorable and love the cards you made even if they did not all go out.
    Follow your heart.

    FROM STEPHANIE: Thanks, Jackie.

  46. Stephanie, you are so real and I la-la-la LOVE you for that. Your openess inspires others to be open which inturn humanizes many (myself included). You'd think that would make others nicer as a result, but unfortunately some people are just assholes. Just plain assholes.

    You've inspired me to open up more within my own writing and gave me a ton of courage to show my true self. I love that you post when the mood strikes; it makes you even more real. It's like you are showing the world the inside of your brain and you're brave enough to share it even when it's not beautiful. To hell with the people who have the audacity to be such pricks.

    You're right – it IS possible to feel grateful, blissful, pissed off, bored, overwhelmed, and irritable all at once. I couldn't agree more. Thank you for sharing your true thoughts.

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