Don’t cry out loud. Just keep it inside, and learn how to hide your feelings… I loved to love that song. But really, that sentiment is everything about which I scream against. No, sing that shit loud and let everyone know, and don’t be afraid to say it because they might only listen to you that one time. As I once overheard in a grade-school uptown, "Say it loud; say it proud." I’m sayin’ it now.
Tonight was amazing. I didn’t say A-MAZE-ING because quite frankly, I hate that shite. Plantation will be happy to hear he was named among the "fans we’ve met" list, though really, he has become a true friend, beyond "reader," so I felt weird discussing him, even in passing. Tonight was a break for me, really, in the criticism column. Someone asked about my critics and how I respond. "Yes, there are critics who speak of being kind to others, of influencing and making friends, but at the end of the day, if you have nothing nice to say, shut your fucking hole. And if you have a criticism, say it with KINDNESS. Be nice to other people. Try to understand. Take a vacation from snarky, and just be human." That’s what I should have said. Instead, I gave a Cliff’s Notes answer, but the message was the same. It’s what I loved so much about tonight. For once, it wasn’t snark. Genuine people, people I’d be friends with, really friends, approached me (under my demand) and let me know about their lives. And I loved it. I wanted more time with each person I met. Wanted to know more about the cosmetics line she did the packaging for, more about her white eyebrows, more about her time in Texas, more about her recent break-up. I wanted more time.
“I wish you had more time to speak,” a friend of a friend I’d never met before said. “Because you’re so honest about what happened to you.” I’m not honest for the sake of being honest. It’s not about shock value. It’s about being honest about me. This really is who I am. I cried tonight while reading from my book. Because it’s real. It’s not a novel. It’s what I lived through. And in a weird way, it was so comforting to hear, even for me who’s past it now, that I’m not alone in it. Any of it. And that’s the power of it, I guess, knowing that we’re not alone in it, in the break-ups or in-laws or anything else with a hypen. We have a family we’ve never met, cheering for us from the silent seats. And there’s a comfort in that “I totally know!” It’s exactly why I don’t sugar-coat or pretend to be someone I’m not. Because deep down, this is who we are. At any level, we are full of “um’s” and uncertainty, but you take a step and a risk, and you say Hi. Or say Bye… when the timing is right. Or wrong, fucked up wrong, but at least you don’t apologize for saying FUCK. Man, too many people are uptight. Just live. Live sloppy and real and honest. Really honest. And everything else, I promise, will fall into place.
It is so amazing to meet the people behind the names, and I imagine it works both ways. “My God, it’s so weird to see you, and your friends, who’ve been only photos and words, as real people.” No, what’s amazing is strangers meeting me, telling me how reading my blog has changed their lives. It makes me cry, really. Because, at the end of the day, I really am just like they are. I’m the same. And it’s comforting to me, that no matter what happens, I’m really not alone in this life. And, THAT is what we all want to know. And as long as I’m around, I want people to know, I’m here, and they are not alone. Really.
Stephanie, great post! Know that you're not alone when you get to Texas either! We're all down here- behind our computers- cheering you on! The beauty of blogging is that you get to share your message with people all over the world, even in this world we call Texas!
Amydell~
BRAVO!!
Stephanie..like so many others, long time reader, first time commenter. Your writing is beautiful because it is so vivid, and as you said yourself in this entry, it is real. You make your readers drink it all up, and still our thirst is never quite quenched, because through reading about you, we learn about ourselves. Each entry of yours leaves me reliving a memory of my own that you have reminded me of. I get to relive my trials and tribulations, steps and missteps through yours. You were always an inspiration for a fellow writer, but now hearing about you succeeding it makes me believe. In you, in myself, but most importantly, in being completely honest with myself and my writing… Hiding the bitter truths is the easy way out. You show that the easy way is not the way to go. You show it is through honesty that we grow, live, learn and love. Thank you. Although I am here in Canada so very far from NY, as I lie here in my bed reading over pieces from my very own memoir instead of working on my 6 English papers that are all due in under a week, I am very much in the front row cheering you on from the "silent seats". Congratulations Stephanie, I cannot wait to buy your book and read it from cover to cover, again and again, with pages bookmarked so when I want to relive a certain memory of my own, I can unlock it through yours. You have accomplished and are in the process of accomplishing all of those beautiful things that I can only hope for myself in the not so distant future. When it gets tough out there in the "real world" I'll have your book on my bookshelf waiting for me, just as this blog is waiting, everyday, to remind me to push forward with my writing, because it's my love and my passion that will allow my dreams to come true, just as it did yours.
I wish you all the best and I cannot wait for the day when we all will get to read about you getting the news you and Phil been trying so hard for!
you promised that it will all fall into place…I'm trusting you…and I'm doing something tonight of which I'm unsure.
Don't cry out crowd. Oh how much I wanted to meet you, yes you, who's kept me feeling alive. He stormed out, dumped me on a pleather shrink couch, left his crap in this stepford wife suburb. So I'm slowly picking up the pieces of me.
I've always belonged to the city. Eventually I'll get there. Crying out loud has made me afraid of the very crowds I once lived for. Thanks Melissa Manchester, Peter Allen, Glen Frey and most of all, Stephanie Klein! I'm crying out proud for your success. I don't give a shit as real-sloppy-hyphenated tears mess my keys. They're real and they're spectacular.
"If you have nothing good to say…." etc etc.
This is the new me. Starting now. I've been full of outbursts this month. Full of too-busy-to-sit-down, and I've taken it out on others. I hate it. I hate me when I do it.
It's juvenile. And there's no grace in it.
Hi,
I really wished I could be there. It’s like I have known for so long thru’ your blog.
I expected to see some photos though.
I am dying to get hold of your book … but I’m not sure it will release in India.
Please !!!!!!!!!!!!!! … I really hope it does.
Wishing you lots of luv and luck in whatever you decide to do in the future.
wow! I have to say, that one really struck a cord in me — that is exactly what we all want (I think) – to be who we are at our cores, and have people realize and know and love us for it. I read your blog often and frequently I think that we'd be friends if I still lived in NY (I'm in Boston these days) — you really do "get it," as they say. When I love songs it is generally because I feel that their writers are articulating thoughts/emotions/whatever that lots have/feel, but that many people are unaware of, and few people can come close to expressing with such depth of emotion – and i honestly feel like you give a voice to experiences and emotions that so many of us have and feel, but would never be able to explain so effectively. so thank you! i wish we could sit and talk for hours over good food and wine :) your writing moves me like music, and from me that says a lot. go you!!
Stephanie, you really just get it, as they say!! I agree that that's what we all want — to be who we are at our inner cores, and have people know and get that and love us anyway. This is my first response, though I read your blog everyday, if not more than that. I really feel as though you give you a voice to thoughts and feelings that so many of us experience, but so few of of us would ever be able to express them the way you do. My favorite songs are songs that I believe put to words a certain depth of feeling that can only occasionally be verbalized. And I must say, your blog has the same effect on me; it certainly did today. While I have many wonderful friends to whom I expose my inner self and feelings, it is so nice (for lack of a better word!) to feel connected to someone I don't even know – so thank you for putting it out there for all of us, or many of us, at least. I frequently imagine that we'd be friends if I still lived in NY (in Boston now) – because I identify so much with your self awareness, your introspection, your acceptance of your emotional-ness, and your quest, so to speak, to make some form of sense of it all. When your book comes out, I think you should do a reading in Boston, despite that you'll be in Texas by then (I think). The Suitor is a lucky boy and must be fabulous himself :) I'm honestly thinking of sharing your blog with my man, I think he might like to know that there is someone else out there who thinks (and overthinks) the way I do, and who is also difficult but loveable! Since I mentioned songs before, I'll let you know that one of my favorites is called "Sweet Harmony" by Smokey Robinson, and one line goes "Baby, now, go on and glow on, spread your joy around the world," and that's what I hope you'll go when you move to the other side of the country. Best to you and Phill – I'm sure you have more fabulousness ahead of you.
I first read you in jane magazine and came to hear you read last night. What struck me most was how powerful your writing is. I feel like part of an inside group to have been able to hear your memoir first hand before anyone. Thank you for your generosity. Thank you for reading something funny as well as something serious and emotional. Your range is boundless. I can't wait to read your book!
I feel like you're a tv show that's getting cancelled. And that your move to Austin is a spin off.
Stephanie,
Unfortunately I could not make it last night, but I do hope that once you come back to NYC to read so that I can hear you and maybe meet you in person.
Best wishes for you in Austin.
i'm sorry i couldn't meet you. i wasn't in town. but you're right: if you can't say something nice, then don't say it at all. and if you have to, then take the sting out of it and make sure it's with empathy. best of luck to you.
Holy hell, what were you thinking when you put that shirt on?? Get a friend to look you over before you leave the house for public events, if you are to be the focus of the attention. This ain't snarky, just real advice.
I'm glad it went well, and I hope at least some of your stress has subsided.
FYI- you look awesome in your pictures and those glasses look really sophisticated on you. Hope you come to cali for your book launch/reading so that we can experience you in the flesh.
Congratulations on the succesful reading.
Can I be totally shallow? I need to have your glasses. Please tell us (or me!) who makes them!
Looks like you had a great time! Good luck on the move to Texas!
Glad to hear it went great last night! I'm such an ass for not coming, but truthfully, I was scared. (Don't ask) Hopefully, I can just show up next time.
“Just live. Live sloppy and real and honest.” Of all the millions of sentences you’ve written on this blog, I think I like these most of all. It’s such a great message my dear friend. The only thing I might add to it is what Billy Joel told us during a recent concert, “Don’t take shit from anyone.”
This post seems so “final.” Like you’re leaving us forever. And yes, in a lot of ways you are, but in my mind, you’re not going anywhere. You’ll be right here spinning tales of relationship highs and lows, marriage, babies, friends, lovers, strangers, and Austin City Limits. I look forward to it all and I wish I could have been in attendance. *hugs* PT
You have no idea how bummed i am that I didn't come in for your reading. I am happy to hear it was a success!
You look great by the way. Love your top!
Can you please post your book tour dates so I can stop by for that?
Thanks!
I think we all know that when are mean at times it is only because we something reflected back at us we hate about ourselves. Thanks for reminding us uf that. (God, comments today are a love-fest.)
And Buffy, I commend your bravery and muturity in writing your comment.
Hi Stephanie-
First off, I had such a wonderful time with you, Phil, and your friends last night. Thank you so much for including me in your plans. It really means a lot to me.
I was genuinely happy to learn that everyone was so welcoming to me, the newcomer. Your friends were interested to learn who I am, how I know you, and what's my "story." The conversations I had with the group were extremely helpful and informative for me. I felt comfortable sharing personal info, just as you do, and received thought-provoking feedback. Whether I talked about my career, my family's unrelenting criticism, staying hopeful that I'll meet the right guy, or just being happy with myself- everyone I spoke with had words of wisdom that truly struck home. Please thank them from me.
It was such a pleasure to share an evening with you, and it's obvious that you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are above and beyond friendly, outgoing, and you're just a great person to be around. Plus, the "dare" game is something that I'll definitely try with my friends!
I want to reiterate that anything you confided in me stays between the two of us. You have my word, and I think you can tell from our conversations that I'm a trustworthy person.
If time permits, I would love to grab some coffee with you in our 'hood before you leave. Maybe you could even bring Linus? Let me know, and you have my e-mail/#. Have a fun weekend and I look forward to speaking to you soon!
~Lindsay
Steph
Just looked at your pics and you looked absolutely beautiful. Please don't take this the wrong way but it sooo nice to see someone normal and not a lollipop head! You make me feel so good just knowing that someone as smart and beautiful as you can just be yourself and not let society tell you how to be! Please don't ever change…you are gorgeous the way you are!
kat
Hi Stephanie,
It was such a pleasure meeting you last night. It was emotional for me to finally meet you since I feel like you've been talking to me for the last nine months! You truly are an inspiration for me, not just for your honesty, but because your writing always reminds me to stay true to myself. Thanks for doing what you do!
Arielle
Aw, so glad it went well.
I, too, am looking forward to Austin posts…we're getting those, RIGHT?
Buffy – you said it. "It's juvenile. And there's no grace in it." I agree with Stephanie. There is a right way and a wrong way to provide criticism. If everyone truly treated others as they themselves wished to be treated, the world would be a much nicer place to live. Thank you, Stephanie, for reminding us what it looks like to be truly graceful, through your words, and your actions….I think you are totally full of grace. Oh, how I wish I could have been there last night!
Just a quick question..when does that honesty thing start to pay off?? B/C between my best friend being pissed I posted our emails to each other (she says it makes her look mean), my boyfriend being pissed I write about him to strangers as he put it, and my mom being pissed I curse in my posts I just need some sorta date to look out for ;)
BTW Great Colors(makeup and clothes) So springy!!!
congratulations on your reading … and all the changes in your life. it sounds like this is an exciting time for you, and i hope that you enjoy your new home in austin. making a move like that is always scary, but thrilling at the same time … like a big ol' rollercoaster. i am looking forward to the release of your book … i'm sure it is great.
when it comes to the criticism … i honestly don't read the posts from other readers … i don't think it is anyone's right to criticize you simply because your writing a blog and we have the ability to post comments. it would be like someone reading you book and then sending you a letter tearing apart your life choices.
i enjoy your writing style and your subject matter, that's why i keep coming back.
michelle
I read your blog everyday. I never post a comment after seeing that you have 45+ comments-it probably a full time job just to go through them all. I feel like i can always relate to your post in some way. But today…this one hit home. You are so damn real. So comfortable with yourself! You are an inspiration to me in many ways and i don't even know you. "Live sloppy, real, and honest." That should be my moto. It's me, to a T. I aspire to write like you-i never will. I want to buy your book-your blog is the best marketing tool you could possibly need! You will soon be rich, living Texan style. Austin is one of my favorite places. You will love it! Good luck!
Amen, sister.
Three cheers — and congrats on the great reception. It's wonderful to know you're not alone, and incredible to know you're understood.
very cool post. i knew you were real before i even started reading your blog, or shortly after starting to read your blog, as i was at your first (i believe) reading, at kgb bar, some time ago. perhaps because of that, i feel like i have seen your star brighten and your success unfold. i believe you are talented, and because you are "the same" as you say, you are relatable and, thus, inspirational.
I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time and I can relate to much of it—and what I don’t relate to, I learn from. You’ve taught “me” to be honest and upfront. I’ve always been an open book, however it’s nice to know that there are other people out there that’s willing to put it out there with no fear. In a way it’s therapeutic, as well as entertaining for others. You have a way with turning your stories into other people’s life stories. That’s what a true non-fiction writer does.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t be there last night. My heart broke when you stated you cried during one of your readings. I can only imagine, because some of the things I write about my past and about my life—I cry just typing it out. Then I have to take a breather because I went through that whole process again. It’s like reliving it.
I admire your ability to get up there and read to everyone—especially your fans. Were you nervous?
In any case, kudos babe! You’re one of a kind and I wish you nothing but the best in life. You’re here for a reason; you went through certain trials in your life for a reason—and I believe that it was to help other people.
You’ve certainly helped me!
Thanks Steph!
congrats on the successful first reading. handled with passion and real joy.
are you doing a virtual book tour as well? i'd be more than willing to let you jump on multiplicity for a few posts…
I've been reading your blog for about a year now, ever since I read about it in The Metro when I was living in Philly. I never posted a comment before because it seemed like everyone else has written down what I would have said. This time though, I just felt a little bit more courageous and thought I'd say, "hi." I'm living in NY now, and I wish I had been able to come to your reading. I'm so glad to hear it turned out well and that you have met some fantastic people. You and your writing is such an inspiration and you always touch my heart with every post. Thank you for sharing your life. I wish you the best of luck in Texas.
Girl, I can't wait for your book tour.
Don't forget the rest of the lyrics – "Fly high and proud. And if you should fall, remember you almost had it all…"
Stay strong, and keep flying and singing.
Best wishes on your move!
This was a lovely piece of writing. I have been reading for a few weeks. I enjoy your writing and the comments, too.
I wish you every success with your book and your new life in Texas. I look forward to reading about it.
I'm not a first time commenter, but not a frequent commenter either, but I felt I had to add my thoughts to the rest this time. I considered coming up from DC for your reading, just because it was my last chance before you moved. It sounds like you had a wonderful experience, and I'm so glad for you, because you deserve it. To echo what (almost) everyone has said, thank you for writing how you do, you really do change peoples' lives with your honesty. Reading your blog is like talking to a good friend over lunch, or dinner, or a carton of ice cream.
One last note: I hosted an event with Camille Paglia last night, and she talked about the lack of honesty in our 'generation.' She asked, 'What will our legacy be? snark? It's the new style, but we'll wear it out.' That struck a chord with me while I was reading today's entry, and I thought I'd let you know that you aren't alone.
Stephanie,
I actually considered flying in from Phoenix to attend your reading! Whether you are in Austin or New York City or Anchorage, you'll always have tons of reader/friends -whether you've actually met them or not!
Like so many others, this entry really hit home. I loved this line: "We have a family we’ve never met, cheering for us from the silent seats.” I learned this same lesson doing public speaking – I was always so nervous that I wouldn't be perfect, then one day it dawned on me: all the people in the audience want me to succeed. They came to the event to see me succeed, because they wanted to like me – no, they came because they wanted to love me. Everyone wants an everyday hero, and by golly, I was there to give them one.
Sure, there will always be people who live to criticize, but 99% of the people in whatever room we're in just wants to love us.
Thanks again for your inspiration!
Elizabeth
P.S. Don't worry about the shirt – you look fabulous just the way you are!!
It's fascinating, isn't it, how digital media has made us feel "close" to people we have never even met? I just wanted to say, Stephanie, that I have so enjoyed and appreciated all that you have shared here. I am not a New Yorker, thus could not come to the reading, but I wanted to just tell you that I feel inspired and reassured by so much that you do. Reassured is a funny word, I know, but I think I mean something like this: If I saw you at the reading or saw you out, with your friends, I would think, "Look at her, a beautiful, intelligent, amazing young woman who has it all put together." And the truth is that you are all of those things, and you are put together in a way that is REAL, that shows me that being all of these things in the world means having life in you and acknowledging that life – and all of that tricky, squishy stuff.
Completely unrelated, I looked at the photos and, per usual, your makeup is gorgeous. Where did you learn to do it so well?
Thanks again.
Just saying "Hi". I saw reference to your blog in another one in the online support circle I'm in, and so I wanted to check it out. I "belong" to a similar kind of online family for support (I'm bipolar, and we more or less check up on each other every day or so to say "Hi, how's it going" stuff, and feel comfortable unloading if that's the kind of day we're having) It's a good feeling. I can't tell from your post what you've been writing about except "The power of positive thinking" which is a great message regardless the circumstances. Tough to do, but nice to have that "silent family" cheering you on in the tough times.
Just as a by-the-by, I read the comments on your previous blog too about "The Greek Experience". I understand it's a big thing on University campuses there in the States (I'm from Canada), but I couldn't help thinking as various readers mentioned not making the cut, if they really meant "not making the cult!!"
I read another blog sometime ago called no asterisks. It said if you want to say fuck, and it's an appropriate context, say fuck, not f**k….the asterisk version is too hard to pronounce anyway, I think! Personally, I'm big-tme against censorship, and politically-correct speech is a vile form of censorship in my mind, mostly because it's subtleness hides behind the pretension of politeness. You can still be polite, correct, and inoffensive, without being censored. A lot of people don't get that, I think. I get the feeling you and I think a lot alike!
You obviously have a big readership…I hope it translates into success with your book. I've bookmarked your site to come and read what problems you've seen yourself through to get you to this point.
Cheers!
Rick
That's really beautiful Stephanie
For anyone who missed Stephanie's reading thurs here's a glimpse of the night.When I walked into the cafe area, I immediately recognized so many of the faces from photos on her site.Friends supporting a friend.And yes, they are that pretty.I grabbed one of the last available chairs in the doorway, and when I looked up,standing two feet in front of me was Stephanie with the Suitor by her side.Photographs do not do either of them justice.While her friends are pretty Stephanie is truly a striking lady. Her features are more delicate than photos relay. I somehow imagine her screwing her eyebrows up with regard to that comment.Phil is a sharp guy- very handsome. She was standing in the doorway,nervously crossing and uncrossing her ankles,possibly dreading the walk she had to make to get to the front of the room, when her name was announced. In that moment, there was a shyness about her-at least to me.
Whatever I saw in that moment vanished when Stephanie was standing in front of her audience-talking about her craft and her journey and her writing. She was smart, sharp , funny.It was so nice to finally have a voice to associate with the words. Does that make sense? First she read one of her drunken blog entries-'My darling My Hamburger'.She reeled the audience in with the words she uses, her humor, and the way she read her words.At ease and hilarious.Her drunken entries are always among my favorites. Later she read an excerpt from a chapter of 'Straight Up and Dirty'.In the span of 2 and 1/4 pages of writing Stephanie relayed an experience that I could identify with, that made me laugh,get angry and ultimately cry.Smart women. Stupid Choices. 'Straight Up and Dirty' is going to be everything her readers expect, and probably more.
After the reading Stephanie was available to every person who approached her, answering questions, offering encouragement to the masses of aspiring writers, taking interest in their stories. Gracious and genuine.As for-the Suitor-what a nice guy. He seemed unfazed by the fact that-by association, and via blog entries, we somehow feel we know him too.He was this down to earth, approachable guy, actively participating in Stephanie's night, and eager to change gears and experience Austin, even if only for a while.
Gracious. Real. Honest. Likeable.That pretty much sums up Stephanie, the Suitor,her friends, and the crowd in general. On my way out, I saw two of Stephanie's girlfriends. They admitted that neither could cook, and that all the mouth-watering food, the pretty pictures and the presentation at parties and dinners..it's all Stephanie. They couldn't and wouldn't take credit for any of it. Doesn't that just figure-pretty, nice and honest. I left the reading with such a feeling of encouragement and hope, and so happy to have been a part of night.
So glad the reading went well. Loved the pics. Loved the post.
Stephanie – so proud of you. Diana – thank you. Can't wait to see what happens next.
The only thing I'm gonna say, is that in these photos you seem very happy. Good for you.
Kisses from Greece…
As you may know, "Don't Cry Out Loud" was written by another creative genius, the late Australian singer/songwriter, Peter Allen. (Did you see "The Boy from Oz" on Broadway a couple of years back? His story is there, and that song speaks volumes about the influences on his life to "keep it inside" and learn how to hide his feelings. But, as his life story shows us, he was a very wise soul and didn't keep it inside so much, or for so long, that he wasn't unable to show us his true – and brilliant – self, much like you, Miss Stephanie. Good on ya, as they say Down Under, for your honesty, and much good luck as you continue your life story.
congratulations stephanie klein. you've had a break through. not all of us get to feel like they're not alone. most of us live lives of sadness, loneliness, in which the glass is allways half empty. It's not the way to go, so congratulations. you're not alone.