You know, the crapass song by TLC, Unpretty, about a guy buying you a nose or hair isn’t all that off. I mean, you can buy a certain amount of stuff from Mac and actually feel better. Of course I mean Apple Mac, not drag queens in make-up Mac with names like Viva and Glam. Though I must admit, a good day at their counter is akin to wearing all black and losing a good ten pounds.
Today I bought another iPod, with 2 years of apple care service… oh, and an iSight camera. And still, with all this product, I’m not happy. I’m sick of music. I’ve OD’d on it, lately. I have so much music on this computer, 12 Gigs, that I’m sick of it. You know what happiness is? It’s Anne of Green Gables, when you’re thin and can order in Deluxe. It’s onion rings, my dog, and Anne Shirley.
I came home tonight, now actually, at 2:59 am, and I said to Labrinus, "Baby, you’re sick of this music right? When the hell will ‘they’ wake the f*ck up and put Anne of Green Gables on DVD?" (Thanks to those who commented and made my lazy ass look for it on Amazon. God bless DVD packs!) I swear, my life has been quite sad since I’ve given up my VCR to good will. Actually, they wouldn’t even take it; "it doesn’t work." Whatever. I tell you what… I have a porn collection that’s collecting dust now that there’s no VCR in the hood. Maybe I’ll ask my neighbor if I can borrow his. Love thy neighbor and all. He has a friend, who, tonight, stopped me as I was about to leave, to tell me, "You look too good to go out without an umbrella." God bless little boys from 1980 who have a thing for older women who want to feel good… especially on rainy days of frizz and with a lack of porn. I mean, I can’t even work out in this weather. Truth: I used to work out on an elliptical machine that I purchased for my apartment. I watched porn while I worked out. Here’s the thing… having to pee, wanting to orgasm, is very close to the ecstasy you could (but never do) feel while working out. It was my motivation. It’s like climbing the rope in school… unless there’s some release, there’s no point. That’s just me. Wait, actually, climbing the rope in gym class felt really good. A friend of mine asked me once if it made me "tingle." Mouthwash makes me tingle; climbing a rope makes me randy.
Okay, no more drinking for me. Anne Shirley can’t even come to my rescue… Damn, where is good TV when you need it on DVD?
