slutting it around

I have friends who say it in jest.  “I’ve been whoring around too much lately; I’m giving it up for lent.”  I’ve been slutting it around for the whole of my private life.  No one sluts it up as much as the fatties.  I would know.  But I’m deleting it from here and saving it for MOOSE.

One of my ex-boyfriends told me he loved me in front of the waiter.  He told me in the morning when he kissed me despite my outhouse mouth, but it meant more that he’d do it in front of the waiter.  When a sober man expresses emotion (I’m not talking screaming, outrage, or loud sobbing) and doesn’t care who sees it or what they think of it… I swoon.  There are few things hotter than a man who means what he says and is ready to back it up.  (He did mean it, but sadly, it came down to timing).  Maybe I need to work on my esteem more.  Just a thought.  Though, I think I’ll always be that way.  Some things are just for us, but I value a guy who can kiss me on the street.  I have room over here for an affectionate man, but I’ve already got an emotional slut on my hands.

love in front of waiter


  1. you know, i'm just writing all this stuff down for when my own daughter turns 14 in 12 more years. i've already got her hendrix shirt picked out. but jordan held ain't gettin' anywhere near her.

  2. I hate repeating myself so often but once again, I agree, I agree (regarding public adoration).

  3. Macy Gray says it best, maybe. "Here is my confession: may I be your possession? Boy, I need your touch, your love, kisses and such."

    PDA's assert belonging, territory on the part of the male, and fulfill the female's desire to be wanted, needed. Both have their fundamental needs(?) met.

    Personally, I love owning love, publically. And what's hotter than bending down in the grocery store to look for San Marzano tomatoes and having your man sneak up behind and press his hips against your ass. I get a kick out of that!

    (Okay, so it's not saying 'i love you' in front of a waiter, but maybe the guy mopping in front of the deli counter gets the general idea?)

  4. I've been reading your blog for a while, and I really enjoy it. I had to comment on this post though. Lately you've been talking a lot about your "issues" with men, your self-image, friends, etc. And while I admire you and believe that you are likely a good person, etc. these recent posts have lead me to believe that you are extremely self-involved. Its seems to be, from my reading of your posts at least, that you want more to project a certain image of yourself as being worthy of love rather than to actually be in love. I don't know how it would be possible to be in a healthy relationship when so much of your focus is on yourself. As evidenced by valuing public displays much more than private displays of affection. Don't get me wrong, I love it when my boyfriend is affectionate with me in public, but I don't even notice anyone else. The whole city could be gawking at us and I'd have no clue, my focus is on us. It seems that you want the world to notice and to know that this person adores you, and that means more than the actual intent of this man's attention. Its the idea of love more than anything else. And that makes me sad for you, because at least from some of the topics of your posts, you express a desire to find and fall in love with someone. But maybe its just that you want someone to be in love with you, and not vice versa. I could be totally off base, but part of publishing your writing is that it is subject to readers' interpretations.

  5. A reader, thanks for that. Seriously. Let me clarify. When I was married, my ex rarely showed his affections for me in front of his parents. They interpreted this to mean he didn't really love me. So, as a result, they were never behind the marriage or his decisions about our life together. After living through that, I've learned I want someone who doesn't have a problem showing affection, no matter where we are. I'm not talking making out in public… an arm over a shoulder is plenty.

    Now, as for wanting someone to love me… yes, of course I want that. My biggest problem has been finding someone I ACTUALLY LIKE for who he is… just for him… I want to like someone independent of his feelings for me. I used to definitely fall into the category of love me… but believe it or not… I've found a few people who do love me, just as I am… but I don't feel that way about them. It's not enough that they love me and give me public affection. I want someone I love… that's who I've been looking for. It's a nice change, actually.

    Does that help?

  6. Stephanie – I know what you are talking about (about your ex).

    I call it being emotionally stingy. Emotionally manipulative. I have lots of terms for it actually. My ex was awful about that. He would actually go so far as to say that he couldn't tell me that he loved me more than a certain number of times a day – because that somehow takes away from it. WTF?!

    I think it's a sign of low emotional IQ and lack of maturity. What a schmuck.

    The man I am seeing now is so great about that – he tells me how awesome I am in front of my girlfriends – and then they all go "AAAAAW"(silently hating me). But I still let him get away with a 'ditto' every now and then when he is out with the boys and checking in via cell. They obviously know what he is doing and still tease him mercilessly. Boys are funny.

  7. i just came across this blog. i'm from India, some of the stuff you talk about is very alien to me but your feelings…they speak to me!!!
    very very true writing..but i think commenting on the writing when what you're talking about is soo personal is quite pointless…

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