woo & keep

It began when I heard about this article telling women to laugh at his stupid jokes, buy his friends a round of cosmos (ew), and know all about his favorite sport.  I nearly spit out my whiskey. 

Ways to Woo & Keep a Guy:
(These are things a woman can do to woo a man upon first meeting, and below are things she can do to keep him.  "Keep her" sounds so Mother Goose.  It’s more about what one can do at first sight, and then once you’re dating ).  This man list was constructed mostly by chris.

Woo Him

  • Make eye contact.  Strong.  Fierce. No mistake.  Eye contact.
  • No cell phones (Bonus points, though, if it rings and you don’t answer it).
  • You’re not uncomfortable when seex is mentioned.  Your body language doesn’t stiffen.  You’re not uppity.
  • Let it go.  Laugh out loud.  It’s okay if people look.  But only laugh if it’s funny, not forced.  Be open with your body language.
  • Ask good questions.  That means you have to listen, really listen.
  • Touch yourself.  (Before you shun this, try it.  Our testers yielded strong results.)

Keep Him

  • Cook.
  • Be tidy.  Your surroundings are clean.
  • Wear a wife beater with no bra.  Sexy isn’t about visibility; it’s about accessibility.  It’s not about cleavage if you’re in a corset with strings that looks complicated to get at the good bits.  That’s work.  It’s about accessible and touchable. And when a guy sees you in a wife beater, he feels as though he’s being let into your world.  He’s in a zone, behind a curtain, and he likes it.
  • Give selfless blowjobs.
  • Have the ability to get ready fast.  It’s easier if you’re tidy.
  • Don’t have a blog (I couldn’t resist).

10 Ways to Woo & Keep a Girl: (by stephanie and her drinking buddies last night)

Woo Her

  • Be generous. It’s not about how much money you have; it’s taking care of people… getting up and taking care to ensure everyone is comfortable with a drink in their hands. Some men might worry, “Oh, I don’t want to come off as the guy who’s trying to get you drunk.” Women never think that.
  • Make her feel special, not special ed., special. If I’m with friends, take an interest in their welfare, but not too much! Compliment me honestly; we can tell.
  • Be a funny, witty, good storyteller. Be a good conversationalist. Know how to begin a sentence that doesn’t begin with “my” or “I.” Everyone thinks they’re funny, so for the love of God, don’t try to be funny (that’s the worst).
  • You’re confident without mentioning your salary, summer home, or German car. We don’t care about your brand names; keep them to yourself.
  • You make your interest obvious. I know this is tough for many men for many reasons. You’re not just afraid you’ll be shot down in front of our friends, but then you’ll have to moondance back to your friends with your head held low.  Then there’s the added strategy of figuring out the availability of the woman you want. So you hedge, trying to be mister vauge. And you chat it up with all the girls instead of walking up to the one you’re really into and saying to her, may I buy you a drink? And then, you offer to buy drinks for her friends. That’s how it should be done. Otherwise, women know you’re hedging. If you hedge, you might get her number, but you can bet she won’t return your calls. We like when men are direct and make their interests known. You don’t wait 3 days to call. (Bonus points if you call that night when you get home or from the cab).

Keep Her

  • Send flowers to the office with a thoughtful note. Be resourceful. Find out where her office is without asking her, so she’s genuinely impressed.
  • Make reservations. Plan ahead and pick her up for your dates.
  • Be ambitious.
  • Pay attention to details and execute. If she casually mentions her love for the aseexual Sandra Bulluck, bring her a stack of Sandra movies one night.
  • Don’t flounder. Have conviction in your choices and defend them.
  • Take control. Don’t be a pushover.
  • Then of course, the obvious… know how to tell someone something you know they won’t like hearing… you know, instead of all the passive-agressive, lieing, cheating, working late to avoid crap. 
  • And now, a note from the author, moi:  We all fear rejection.  It’s better to risk, then go outside with your wounds and realize there’s plenty more.  A man prefers approaching a woman if she’s only with another girl.  If a woman is alone, many a man will assume she’s waiting for her date, and no good guy wants to be disrespectful.  So they hang out in their corner of the rink talking offensive moves inside their heads.  Then they go home to ESPN and an empty bed.  And ladies, you’re not off the hook either.  You go home to too many pillows and chick flick movies.  HOMEWORK: Read go outside… rejection isn’t the end of the world. 
    –Thank you.  The management.



  1. You gave me how to woo the girls, but not how to keep them. Wooing I got. Keeping, not so much.

  2. Ahh.

    >> Don’t flounder. Have conviction in your choices and defend them. <<

    That explains a thing or two.

  3. And this explains the other 11 or so things:

    >> all the passive-agressive, lying, cheating <<

  4. i love how the girls get short to the point lists while the boys have to have more explanation. brilliant and so true.

  5. Very interesting compilation, ladies. I'm confused by a couple of things. Yes, I'm easily confused, but that's beside the point. I guess, in general, women like flowers at work, but we've covered this topic previously and it was a mixed bag. Doesn't SK NOT like the mundane flowers routine sans the occasional bouquet from Tamashimonga or whatever-the-hell-it-is. Secondly and more interestingly, your list is very Celery. This surprises me. Where's the mix of Funnel Cake? Can you clarify for me? I'm leaving a page open in my owner's manual…

  6. I got wooed. And wooed well. And then I let him "catch" me (I even wore a wifebeater with no bra, which was well-received.) The wooing's stopped. Calls are sporadic. Now Mr. Woo-Woo is back on Jdate, even as he makes plans to see me again tomorrow night. Boo Hoo!

  7. I definitely agree with the honesty thing – if a man says he only wants a one night stand, just say it. Don't make me feel like it could be anything more when it won't.

  8. Holy shiite, that Match.com article is laughable. I must admit, however, that a woman in a baseball hat IS sexy as hell, but not if it's worn backwards. Backwards = trying too hard to be cool.

    I like Chris' man list, but regarding cell phones, the "leave the cell phone on, but don't answer it/shut it off when it rings" thing is, at this point, a known "first date power move".

    Last summer, I was on my way to meet a gorgeous woman from Match.com and my friend suggested a way to earn extra points. His plan: I leave my phone on, he would call, and I would turn my phone off without answering it and apologize. Pretentious? Calculating? Of course, but dating is a battlefield, and every little bit helps. When Match.com lady arrived, she flipped the script and pulled "the move" exactly as my buddy had planned it. I laughed inside and turned my phone off before he called. And, no… There wasn't a second date.

  9. This post is stupid.

    The narcissism of NYCers never ceases to amaze me. It's never "here's what I want"; it's "here's what every (wo)man wants."

    Here's my 2 step master plan: be yourself and meet a lot of people. That way you'll find someone who likes you for you, not for your attire or what you drink or your "power move" or whatever other crap neurotic NYCers try to feed you.

  10. Mamis, surely our neuroses are part of what makes us who we are in the first place?

  11. YEA! Ye New York City fecks! And what's the deal with Bloomberg anyway? How could you possibly elect this swine? Yous NYCers yous…

  12. i like ur stile but i got better ones like rape her if she slaps you

  13. Man…this is great tips..

    It worked and that girl ive been chasing for years is now mine thnx to u all!!!

  14. send me more tips on this thing 'wooing' coz i have a problem with it(it aint working) or im i doing it wrong?

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