So, I’ve always wanted an American Express Black card because you can’t apply for one. It’s very we’ll call you. Well, a girl can only stare at the phone for so long.

Meet the velvet rope of credit cards: sauntering past the bouncers with her ruffled “St. Tropez” leopard-print haircalf hobo in tow, she smiles when the bouncer asks whose list she’s on. Ahem, she doesn’t wait in the cold in her Jean Paul Gaultier trompe l’oeil turtleneck; she’s got clout—she’s got card.

“Jump to the front of the line” benefits come with the newly unveiled IN:NYC Card from American Express. Cardmembers are invited to special events from Suba’s Dinner and a Movie and GenArt’s Winter Masquerade, to Live Flamenco shows and BAM’s Next Wave Festival.

Wyclef Jean is performing tonight at the SoHo art exhibition, so the mood will be splendid for our first encounter. The artist Rirkrit Tiravanija has essembled film and music for the exhibit at Skylight. I want it to be perfect. Me: dressed in pointy shoes, dainty pearls, and something full of monograms, camera slinging. The card: in this season’s new black, black, with my favorite city’s monogram on front. Don’t be fooled my friends, it’s lust.

I’m still hoping for my love, the Black Card; I only have to make a couple mil before the invites come pouring in. In the meanwhile, there’s IN:NYC. Love the one you’re with, baby. Boo yah.

Ahem, while the Nicole’s are rumored to arrive, I’ve got clout; move over, I’m in tight with the card, dahlings.