get carded

So, I’ve always wanted an American Express Black card because you can’t apply for one. It’s very we’ll call you. Well, a girl can only stare at the phone for so long.

Meet the velvet rope of credit cards: sauntering past the bouncers with her ruffled “St. Tropez” leopard-print haircalf hobo in tow, she smiles when the bouncer asks whose list she’s on. Ahem, she doesn’t wait in the cold in her Jean Paul Gaultier trompe l’oeil turtleneck; she’s got clout—she’s got card.

“Jump to the front of the line” benefits come with the newly unveiled IN:NYC Card from American Express. Cardmembers are invited to special events from Suba’s Dinner and a Movie and GenArt’s Winter Masquerade, to Live Flamenco shows and BAM’s Next Wave Festival.

EatcardWyclef Jean is performing tonight at the SoHo art exhibition, so the mood will be splendid for our first encounter. The artist Rirkrit Tiravanija has essembled film and music for the exhibit at Skylight. I want it to be perfect. Me: dressed in pointy shoes, dainty pearls, and something full of monograms, camera slinging. The card: in this season’s new black, black, with my favorite city’s monogram on front. Don’t be fooled my friends, it’s lust.

I’m still hoping for my love, the Black Card; I only have to make a couple mil before the invites come pouring in. In the meanwhile, there’s IN:NYC. Love the one you’re with, baby. Boo yah.


Ahem, while the Nicole’s are rumored to arrive, I’ve got clout; move over, I’m in tight with the card, dahlings.




  1. I keep being courted by credit cards…alas it's not the BLACK CARD of which you speak.

    I wonder, if one gets the BLACK CARD, does one automatically end up on Homeland Security Dept's "list?"

  2. Robotnik, I think when one qualifies for and gets the BLACK CARD, one automatically ends up on the Republican National Committee solicitation list :)

  3. Kristi, right on!
    That's what I was afraid of.

    Feckin' swine…all of them.

    Now give me my black card.

    By the way, can I use my Black Card to get into the White House??

  4. …or better yet, can I use my Black Card to buy paraphenelia from the White House (like the White House Xmas tree ornaments the Swine releases every year?)

  5. Alas, the holders of the fabled "black AmEx" are usually the worst tippers. Here in Annapolis, wee are hosting the "U.S. Boat Show 2004", and my black card customers averaged less than 15%, as a whole.

  6. Wycleff Jean will perform a the opening of a can of Beans.

    He's an absolute trainwreck. I should have more "street-cred" then him. And I'm a white guy from Long Island.

    Anyway – if you get a Black Card -you still have to PAY THE BILL – don't you?

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.