Hilarious and true but you overlook the "new" Skipper of today. She has mini-boobs and a charming male friend named Todd. At least she did when I was of age to play with her freely without harsh looks or mocking calls. Lovely site by the way.:)
Give yourself some credit. You have an anatomically correct brain which, last I heard, is being considered for inclusion in the endangered species list. As for the other part, even when it's superlative, alone without a comparably superlative brain it's certain to be no more satisfying than reaching the summit of a mountain on a cloudy day.
My barbies were quite the tramps too. I love Barbie though– and I love your description of her as constanly orgasmic… yes! That is it!
And then you have Midge, her red-headed friend, was the one who would tell Barbie that Ken was compulsively lying to her, and visiting gay bars on the weekend wearing tight shorty shorts and that male medallion thing on a long necklace(perhaps that's where Midge saw him). Midge went to grad school, and is in the middle of writing a dissertation filled with words like "patriarchy" and "phallocentric" and maybe even "l'ecriture feminine"….. (scary how, as I wrote this, I seemed to be describing myself as Midge…..)