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In ALL, LIFE OBSERVATIONS by Stephanie Klein50 Comments

Startbucks_nerd_2

Last summer, there was a woman with steely ragged hair who brought an entire honeydew to Starbucks, eating it with plastic utensils.  I wasn’t sure if she was homeless, until she asked me where I had my hair done.  “They do a great job, don’t they?” She responded.  Clearly, the woman was not homeless.

In the past few days, though, I’ve noticed this dude in my local Starbucks.  Thanks to Chris, my most favorite person in the world, for the photos.  Whether he knows it or not, he and I are going to interview this deranged person today.  I’m bringing the ipod recorder. Who does this?  I mean, seriously.

Comments

  1. I'm a little confused. Does Starbucks now offer internet access, or did this guy actually bring a $#I*^ desktop there? Can't be true…

  2. Here's the thing. The guy is there ALL day long. It has to be some kind of performance. I mean, who does this? Yes, Starbucks does have wireless internet access at some locations through t-mobile. However, this guy actually brings his entire desktop with him. I want to know if he wheels it in… where he comes from with it, what he's doing there with it, why he doesn't have a laptop, and how he likes his coffee (if he even drinks coffee).

  3. wow thats crazy. only in NY crazy. is that the astor place starbucks. i bet the guy is a freelance writer or programmer and runs his office out of there. funny as shit. good one.

  4. I saw this on Chris' site this morning. I was laughing my ass off. Just look at the size of the monitor. He must have a cart or something.

    Make sure you bring your camera, so it looks all official. Let Chris ask the questions, I am sure the questions will be hilarious.

  5. In the second shot – I think you can see wheels to his cart – near his knee. You think they would complain – imagine the scratches he put on that table setting up every day!

  6. It took me a full minute to realize that the desktop was not placed there by the Starbucks. Something about the brain not wanting to accept the truly inexplicable.

  7. It is clear that this is some alien being trying to adapt to our culture, albeit, a poor attempt. Please use extreme caution during interview.

  8. So, after checking out Stephanie's story and linking through to her source, I realized that this clown is sitting around the corner from my office. I had to check him out.

    Early to mid-twenties. Hunched over the keyboard and either typing code or im'ing someone. (I couldn't tell in my brief fly-by.) Back to the window. Big-ass bottle of Dr. Pepper sitting on the desk. Wires everywhere. Blue windbreaker draped over his hand-cart for his computer. Would clearly be classified among the kids who rode the small bus to school but for his computer prowess.

    But what was most impressive about the situation is that no one seemed to mind or pay him any attention. Just another loony New Yorker doing his thing. Damn — I love this town.

  9. Requested questions:

    Does he always carry a desktop?

    Does he carry a power surge?

    Does he have to pitch in on the electric bills for every coffee shop he hangs at?

    Does he know how silly he looks or are we all on a hidden camera show as his victim?

  10. If you notice in the second picture, I'm not sure the barista in the background knows what to make of this either. If you work there, do you go up to this guy and ask him to leave? What if he answers, "dog-dog"? Then it's awkward and you're fucked. My SB is in the Chicago Title & Trust building, it is a "counter-only" branch. I prefer Caribou, I think, anyway. I don't understand the whole purpose of spending half a day on a PC at the coffee shop anyway.

  11. I feel so lame that I didn't get what was so interesting when I first looked at the picture. Then I had a friend point it out, how crazy is he?

  12. YOWZA! Maybe he is red wagon pulling serious…or maybe a Napoleaon Dynamite-esque performer??

  13. Hey, as long as the dude's a paying customer, who gives a shit. So the poor guy doesn't have a laptop. Kudos to him for having the balls to show up there with that beastly hardware. Looking forward to hearing about the interview.

  14. Stephanie, don't ya know that's one of them new-fangled "portable" computers? :-) It's kind of like the new Mac mini.

    Hey, maybe he's one of your hungered-for stock brokers monitoring his day-trading. See if you can get him to take you to Balthazar.

  15. this pic makes you sad. Not the guy in the pic-but you. The guy doesn't have a lap top, this bothers you? Of course it does. Money-makes the world go round. I hope you meet a really really rich guy, really rich, and then write about how he wants you to look 10 years younger excercise 3 hours a day to keep your 30 something yr old body from looking saggy, dye your beautfiul reddish greyish hair, monthly, stick fingers in your throat from all the great places you eat at, they will make you fat-and finally really really rich guy dumps you for a poor young sexy Bronx born latino girl who fucks him in bed, good.

  16. Tomasina, tell us how you really feel. No, seriously…How can you not think that this is funny? Who the hell lugs a desktop to Starbucks? Even more so, who does it with a monitor that size? The laptop comments have nothing to do with money. They have to do with convenience. If this was about money, shouldn't we be questioning why he is drinking Starbucks coffee? It isn't exactly cheap you know.

  17. Oh my god.

    That is too funny.

    I wish we had Starbucks so I could do that and be the subject of someone else's blog.

  18. You all have it wrong. That is the guy Stephanie is looking for! He will pick her up under her building's awning, with a white horse and carriage, take her to Per Se, where he knows both Thomas Keller and the sommelier, and they will eat "oysters and pearls" and drink 1990 Corton Charlemagne (don't worry, no oak), and thereafter they will hit the VIP room at the Soho House, where the guy sits on the board.

  19. Wouldn't that be a liability for Starbucks? I mean, what if someone trips over those wires? I'm serious.

  20. Someone is not a fan of you.

    It's sad people feel the need to be elitist blogging whores. If you are excited about your success, there is no reason why you shouldn't share it with whomever you please.

    Some people just like to be dicks (and often for no reason other than to appear cooler than they actually are) If I were you, I wouldn't take this as an insult but just laugh it off. She's obviously a miserable bitch who is just so insecure that she has nothing else better to do than post her distaste for people she doesn't even know. If it makes you feel better, I've seen her picture and she's the size of a linebacker.

  21. im perusing this blog bc i noted that this chick got a book deal for 500k. and all i see is a half-assed, mediocre writer stealing from sex and the city. without the sexiness, and without the humor. its luke warm bathwater all over the place.

  22. You can't even punctuate. I hardly think you're qualified to be making judgment calls on writing, runger.

  23. LOL I saw him yesterday at the Starbucks on Madison in the low 40s and his little table was crammed into the corner by the window so that the monitor was two inches from his face and his back was against the wall. The best part is that he was fully crashed out with his mouth wide open and drool creeping down his chin.

  24. Even though I don't agree with the superficiality of it all, I LOVE your writing and I've been checking out your blog for a while now. You're like a sitcom character, a real life "carrie". You're exciting, and your success is inevitable.
    You're a great writer, and who cares what people think about who you are, or the fact at that you think tiffany jewelry is crap. I'm excited for every next epsiode…because if you can find the guy of your dreams, then we're all in luck.

  25. Don't worry, runger. Faulkner couldn't punctuate either, and he turned out all right.

    It's silly to begrudge people their book contracts–sometimes, the story told matters a lot more than the storytelling. I'm sure Ms. Klein's book will do fine, and the rest of us should be glad that it will.

    And for the record, Lindsay is incredibly hot.

  26. Way to lower the bar for real writers everywhere. The state of publishing these days is truly depressing – and you are a prime example.

    As for those of you who think this is good writing – you must be watching alot of Sex & the City reruns and purchasing your reading materials on line at the supermarket.

  27. The Gawker post is probably the best thing that ever happened to your site. I'd love to know how much traffic they've driven to YOUR site today. POST THE NUMBERS! It's the most hilarious party of this circular story.

  28. To assume that Stephanie needs comforting and hand-holding over this is to underestimate her. I'm pretty sure she's smart enough to recognize publicity when she sees it (not from me, from Gawker – only 10 people read me.) I mean her no harm and she knows it.

    (Now, off to sack the quarterback!)

  29. Oh Sally (and Ben), don't you have a cocktail party at Chris Mathews'/Tim Russert's/Andrea Mitchell's and Alan Greenspan's/Maureen Dowd's/Bob Woodward's house to attend?

  30. Hey!!! what's the point of criticizing a blog? You might as well correct people's conversations as you pass them on the street. Congrats on your book deal. So after puting someone through medical school you're what, $25 in the black? Only kidding! You deserve it, and any other blessings you've worked hard for. If you need a tax accountant, I work for pizza and beer

  31. Most of us have been waiting for the bar to be lowered for years! I'm not expecting it anytime soon.

    BTW, most 'real writers' consider alot to be two separate words. Ithink.

  32. as i've always known, with success the day will come when the spectators feel the need to judge you, think they understand you, express jealousy for your talents and success. this manifests itself in many ways. on a blog it occurs with real-time catty chatter. there are those that create and those that tear down. before you press "post" for your next comment, ask yourself which side of the fence you are sitting on.

  33. Sometimes insults and harsh constructive or non-constructive comments can be the fuel of another's ambition. Those brandishing negative expressions should consider that they are only hurting themselves and that when they wake up one day they will find that they have that many more regrets with which they have to reconcile their conscience.

    I am eager to read or hear about your interview with the non-"deranged" fellow. Legend has it that Diogenes carried a lamp during the day to aid his search for an 'honest man.' Maybe the joke is on or the shortcoming in appreciation resides in us.

    I hope you will continue being generous to those whom you have inspired such as Urban Barbara. If people have a 'problem' with your generosity, they should either try extending even more or acknowledge it with a few words of praise. If they are tempted to express malevolent or unpleasant thoughts, they should trace the thoughts to the sources in the mind that produce them and begin the work of finding inner peace and a clear conscience, the softest pillow for one's head.

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