you, you, you, oughta know

Let me begin with this reality: if you’re a contestant on the third or fourth season of a reality show, dammit, you should know better.

How is it that no one on Bravo’s “Top Chef” knows how to compose a soufflé? As a new contestant, you’ve seen earlier seasons and know quite well what led to the downfall of those who’ve come and packed their knives before you. Given this, why haven’t any of them committed several unbearably decadent dessert recipes to memory before signing all their paperwork and racing off (along with their kick-ass secret ingredients) to the test kitchens?

Now unless you’re on “American Idol,” there is not a single occasion where singing would be viewed as a favorable means of impressing a man. Pull off your shirt, give him a lapdance, or gurney up and take an ambulance ride for the team, but for the love of reality television, there should be no yodeling, no songwriting, and certainly no flashy bel canto techniques–no matter how dire the circumstances. Have the contestants of “The Bachelor” learned nothing from those who’ve come (and humiliated themselves) before them? Drama and catfights might make for ratings (and even real life dating) but not for publidating. If you hope to woo him by reciting poetry, you might as well soil yourself.


Now, onto drama-dearest: the idea is, you’re not supposed to like her. Shayne Lamas (daughter of Are You Hot Or Not Lorenzo) is one of the contestants on this season’s "The Bachelor"—the uncircumcised London edition. In response to what makes her high-maintenance, the air-bronzed 22-year-old listed the five things she believed mattered most when it came to her appearance: cars, shoes, (ohmigod) handbags, sunglasses, and watches. "With those things covered, no one cares what you’re wearing on your body." I’ve paraphrased, but I can say with certainty that if it’s the producers’ job to make us roll our eyes when she speaks, they should start updating their resumes.

By design, these reality shows set you up to root for (and against) someone, and even if you begin watching only to mock the show (and the girls who somehow think it’s a brilliant idea to bust into song when getting to know a man), you inevitably find yourself having preferences. Shayne is the girl America should hate. Well, count this American girl out. Shayne might just be a spoiled scapegrace with a penchant for shoes and theatrics (and not merely because she’s an actress for a dying), but I like her, really like her. As much as they try to emphasize the importance of her suitcase chockablock of shoes, she’s still real, as real as we can tell from our sofas, of a person we don’t really know. When Matt, this season’s Bach, implied she was too young for anything serious, she agreed as it pertained to marriage and then called him out, arguing most men, even at 30, aren’t really ready to be married. At the end of the day, I think we all like people who are comfortable enough in who they are that they don’t apologize for it. It makes them endearing. I love seeing people get unglued, going a little crazy, because really those who are too tempered and neat with their emotions seems to lack passion and depth. "Mature," they might say. I say, "yawn." We all need people in our lives who need, who tell you when they’re scared even if they know it makes them look weak… and we can only hope they share our size in shoes.



  1. I started off disliking Shayne–the temper tantrum did it for me, but she really redeemed herself last night. She appears to be (as much as it's possible) a lot more normal than the other shrieking harpies. I'm putting my money on Shayne.

  2. I haven't watched the other shows, but the fact that those chefs could not and did not make a souffle boggled my mind. I can cook well, but by no means am I trained to cook or so talented that I would risk humiliation on national television. But I could make a souffle without looking at a cookbook. Easily. So, yeah, I wondered too.

  3. Sorry, Shayne lost me with her whole, "I'm SO over the acting thing…." and her dramatic rant about how she's not used to having to compete for a guy. Guys come to her. Granted, I didn't watch last night's show yet, but I can't see myself liking her, unless shallowly because she's the prettiest there.

    Plus, I think people hate to see that kind of priviliged spoiled brat "win". She probably will, mostly because she's hot and as Artie Lange once said about Paris Hilton- "she just looks like she's all soft from expensive lotions and cremes".

    But- I totally agree that you'd think these women would stop with the weirdo factor after seeing previous seasons. What the F is a guy supposed to do when you burst out in opera, mid-sentence? Life canNOT always be the musical you have going on in your head.

  4. I think she is a mess but refreshing. Some of those women deserve to be single…for life.

  5. I liked Shayne when he asked her if she wouldn't call herself high-maintenance and she paused and said "…no, I would. I am high maintenance. I'm just being honest" (or something of the sort.)

    As far as the singing goes… did you notice how BOTH girls that sang to him last week went home last week? Breakout serenading someone like that is just freaking uncomfortable. I could not agree more.

  6. i suppose that most folks that go onto reality shows are wannabe actors looking for their big break and to be discovered. perhaps that's why they try to show-off their vocal talents at the expense of wooing the man.

  7. I actually have loved Shayne from the beginning. She is stunning and real. Her temper tantrum last week was a bit off, but she comes off as genuine to me.

    Most of those girls do not.

  8. I actually have loved Shayne from the beginning. She is stunning and real. Her temper tantrum last week was a bit off, but she comes off as genuine to me.

    Most of those girls do not.

  9. I agree. I like her and I know we are not supposed to like the Hilton look alike but like our British Bachelor said its like she's got a spell on him. How true. Maybe it is because she's overly confident and or has the ability to dodge awkward questions like a fox and not have anyone think the wiser. Who knows.

  10. I agree… if you need to know some "skills" learn them before the reality show gets filmed!

    (excuse me… I'm going to go rub some sticks together some more to build a fire…. I'm trying to learn!) ;-)

  11. I would love to go on a show like this. I'd like to compare reality to what they show. I wonder if it is remotely the same.

  12. I'm watching Hell's kitchen now and I can't believe people allow this guy to yell at them like that?!

  13. I would never admit it, but I live for this show almost as much as I look forward to this blog. It's absurd the way my friends and I speak of you as if we know you. Thank you for covering everything you do. I love when you write about the stuff you shop for, or your clothes and perfumes, all your girly stuff.

  14. My heart beats a bit faster every time a new season of 'The Bachelor/Bachelorette' starts – I'll admit it. Even though they have gone 1 for 12 – I still hold out for that Trista and Ryan connection. I LOVE the opening episode just to see the girl who hauls out her oboe, the girl who gets so drunk she takes off her underwear and gives it to our new 'Mr. Wonderful', the girl who REALLY badly warbles The Star Spangled Banner or the girl who immediately tells him that she is there becuase she wants to have babies – like yesterday.

    'Top Chef', 'Rock of Love' (we all know that there will be a season 3 and possibly a season 4), 'The Real Housewives of , 'Project Runway' or any other Bravo-related reality/game show are the best TV out there right now. Period. '30 Rock' runs a close second….

    Linda R. – Couldn't agree more. Stephanie….a new girlie product post please?????

    PS – Stephanie…went to 'ino week before last in NYC. My life has new meaning thanks to the truffled egg toast. That and the burger at Spotted Pig….absolutley the PERFECT amount or roquefort!

  15. Dude…she only freaked cuz she was drunk. MANY an irrational statement made here after a couple of margaritas…

  16. love her. she glams up the show, isn't hiding who she is, and makes me want to watch… she ain't afraid of the vino though. could keep things interesting.

  17. I'm glad I'm not the only one who immediately thought, "Uncircumcised!" when I heard that the Bachelor would be English.

  18. Uncirced! Sounds like the bachelor will be good in bed! Sounds hot! I am lucky enough to have a man with all of his parts, what a difference it makes.

  19. At first sight I knew we were supposed to hate her, so I started ot hate her….especially when she pulled the, slow-talking Nicole Richie/Kim Kardashian voice, it's a hollywood chick thing that I'm all too used to hearing from living there…THEN as the episodes continued, I realized- she's my favorite. I'm a fan.

  20. I'm happy to hear that someone agrees with me. I know Shayne is young but she actually seems very grounded and knows who she is. She seems very mature for 22. Girls as pretty as she is are often ugly on the inside but Shayne seems genuinely kind. She is often seen playing the peacemaker and is never seen making herself look at the expense of someone else.

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