I know I’m in New York and all… and I’ve just come from about the best dinner I could imagine, with friends discussing everything from breastfeeding to "I hate to admit this, but I totally used to do the elliptical machine while watching porn," and aside from the fact that it’s actually incredible to be back, and it feels as if I’ve never left because all the sounds are the same… the truck backing up, the width of the sidewalk and your tired feet from walking in heels across it, the sound of a garbage bag hitting the gutter, someone yelling for a cab, too many people Jabber talking as if they’re insane… despite all this, what I have to say now, right now, is… I DVR’d LOST, and that opener made a little bit of pee pee come out.

Holy Shit, seriously. Desmond is in the helicopter, Sayid behind him, practicing that introspective look actors must practice. Sayid looks so disturbed, before anything has even happened, before the pilot heads for the exact route in which he came (A Bermuda=like Triangle?) that I have to think the initials on Naomi’s bracelet meant something, something meaningful, to him. That, or she did, in some way. And then we see Desmond, flash (forward? or back?) into the army, awaking from a dream about a helicopter. Now, you know how you sometimes have a dream, and in the dream you think, and sometimes articulate, this can’t be happening. I must be dreaming, and you kind of wake yourself up? But when he does "wake up" he wants to rip off his seat belt, and he doesn’t know who Sayid is. Or maybe, since he can sometimes now tell the future, the army scene is a flashback, and we see Desmond remembering in his dream, his past. Or maybe in the future, he gets clues about the past, instead of the future. I’m sure I’ll learn more as I go. Still, for an opener, in a word; awesome. Totally and completely. To the point where I had to pause everything to make sure it really happened. Even now, only having just seen it, I think, Wait, who was that army friend? Had we seen any of those army people before. I’d better rewind.

For those of you who’ve never seen LOST, I promise if you give it a try, you will be hooked. Rent the first season, start from the beginning. You will be a complete junky. And that’s the crazy thing… when I lived in New York, as a single woman, I never watched TV. I had co-workers talk about 24, and I’d kind of look at them funny, like, "how do you even have time for TV?" I never watched TV back then. But once you have kids, it really does change. You’re exhausted at night. You certainly can’t imagine showering, or making a remotely appropriate version of yourself, suitable for public observation. You collapse onto a sofa, and you gear up for LOST.

Now that I’m in New York, having the most satisfying, delicious time, with my girls, and my stores, and really, everything I’ve missed, and will continue to miss, I’m still on the sofa watching LOST. After a night of Lychee Martinis and talks about pole dancing workouts, how you can wait a lifetime with one person for what you can find in someone else in only a moment, and how satisfying Jasmine rice can be, the night still ends with me, watching lost in my PJs on the sofa. I just have to say, though, this is always going to be home. It always, always will.

Nothing has changed. I couldn’t imagine living here with children, trying to hail a cab during rush hour, while carrying two babies? It would never, ever happen. I can imagine myself here as I’ve been always, me. I couldn’t imagine the family I’ve chosen and made, all of us, together in this city. I wish it could be the case, but I want my kids to ride their bikes around the neighborhood, to play tag until supper time, to have their own grass and bushes, and yard. Theirs. Not a public park. It’s worth it to me; the space. And when it comes down to it, that’s what it’s really about. Money being even, if you could own a smallish, beautifully decorated, full-service doorman building in Manhattan, or live in a large beautiful home, with acres of land, not completely isolated at all from nightlife and art, which would you choose? Honestly, it depends which day you ask me. But universally, the kitchen needs to be kick ass. Okay, now back to LOST.