Lea makes me snort.  Almost every time I talk to her, she says something so off the wall, that I can’t contain myself.  "34G" she said the other day.  "G!!! Stephanie."  I didn’t know they made bras bigger than DD.  "I swear to God, Neph, it’s like carrying around two extra bags of groceries."  That’s when I snorted.  She calls her breasts her "groceries" now.  And if she doesn’t, she should.  Because that’s funny shit.  We’re now vowing to join Weight Watcher’s together.  She’s in Montana.  I’m in Texas.  We’ll share our successes over the phone, motivating each other. 

Or not.

For me, it’s about being accountable to someone else.  I need to get on a scale in front of someone else.  They need to see what I weigh and stare at me with some kind of judgment.  I need to be made to feel bad, but not so bad that I want to go home and cry.  I need to be tortured a little.  In New York, there was the Weight Nazi of the upper east side for that.  But even that, eventually, became unhealthy.  I cried at night, when I weighed only 116lbs. because he told me I couldn’t follow directions.  "What’s wrong with you?  Do you want to be fat the rest of your life?"  I went home and cried in a pillow.  I don’t want that again.  I want someone to remind me that I’m human, that as long as the doctor says I’m in a healthy weight range, then I’m really fine.  But I’m seeing the numbers climb, and it scares me.  It doesn’t scare me enough, though.  I’ve come to shrug recently, really not caring enough to do anything about it.  Every day is a contradiction.  I haven’t made up my mind.

That’s the key to really losing weight.  It’s not about the diet.  It’s about the strength of your resolve.  Mine is kept elevated when I’m surrounded by others who are trying.  It’s why Weight Watcher’s might work.  I know people do it just online, now.  That doesn’t work for me, even with the online chats.  For me, it’s all about portion control, not being on a program that allows you cake or fettuccine.  I don’t want to see what I can get away with eating.  I want to be healthy and feel more confident.  To stop eating like a pig, but to keep laughing like one.



  1. "I don't want to see what I can get away with eating. I want to be healthy and feel more confident."

    THAT right there is the key. It's my struggle. Oh and the recent shrug? Like you'll get to it later? "It" being weight loss. That's me. Just watching my body pack on the pounds.

    Good luck with Weight Watchers, SK! It'll be wonderful.

  2. It worked really well for me in the beginning. When I stopped going to meetings and did it on my own, it stopped working. It's a good plan as long as you can manage a little bit of discipline. I also had trouble because I didn't want to exercise.

  3. With Weight Watchers I lost 65lbs. in approximately 1 year (March 2005-April 2006) and just ran my first marathon (San Diego Rock 'n' Roll June 4th). I too need the accountability of weekly meetings as well as the motivation. My experience has taught me that the key to weight loss is finding a program you can live with for life and being consistent.

  4. I have long been a reader of your blog, but today is the first time I have posted. I too am going to start WW – this Friday in fact. I had a baby in September and saw pics of myself over the weekend and I think I still look pregnant…nice. Nothing has worked for me in the past, so I hope this helps. On a completely different note – I too had a REALLY hard time getting pregnant, for a while there the words "egg donor" were uttered, but my little guy is proof that it can happen. I know it can become nauseating hearing those words b/c at times I wanted to strangle the people who were saying them to me, but I just want you to know there is hope :)

  5. You need to figure out what your main objective is. Pick one thing and make decisions based on it.

    Want to concentrate on getting pregnant? Great, stop dieting and stop drinking.

    Want to diet? Great, stop trying to get pregnant and stop drinking.

    Want to drink and eat with reckless abandon? Great, stop dieting and trying to get pregnant.

    In any event, I wish you success with whichever you choose as a focus.

    (My personal thoughts are that you should use your youth, when your metabolism is higher, to eat yummy things that later will be nearly impossible to eat without porking up. But lay off the drinks in case you delightfully find yourself pregnant.

    For me, there was no better weight loss plan than nursing an infant followed by chasing a toddler.)

  6. I don't know you, but it doesn't sound like Weight Watchers will be the thing…working out is the answer. If you really think being accountable to someone will help you, just post what your weight is and what you want it to be.

  7. Portion control, what? That's my number 1 problem – I lost about 20 pounds on Atkins, learned to fear carbs but lost any sense of portion control. Now I think the only reason why I'm not gaining weight is because I augment my late-night binges with fasting during the days, somehow staying at a size 8/10 even though everything I do is telling me I should be much larger. I always feel (in my imagination, cause I've never tried) so out of place at weight watchers – I feel like I'll be too young, or something, who knows. GOOD LUCK!

  8. Everyone is different about what works for them.

    For me, I have to exercise, PORTION CONTROL, and be held accountable.

    I lost 30 pounds in 3 months on WW when I went to meetings, but gained it back over the course of a year when I stopped attending meetings.

    I love WW, it worked for me!

    Perhaps you will motivate me to get my tucchus back in there.

    Good luck, Stephanie!!! Just remember, we think you're beautiful, no matter what.

  9. My philosophy, FWIW, is that we all have a natural weight that we will gravitate towards. the natural weight will be a product of genetics and environment. If you've always carried an extra 20, then when you're 30 over, you'll cut back and exercise, but once you get down to 10 over, you'll go back to the bad habits that made you 20 over.

    Having said this, however, you can still improve your diet and maintain your weight, and improve your exercise and maintain your weight, even if that weight is 20 over.

    While on the surface, you're no skinnier or fatter, you will still be healthier.

  10. i like that "…stop eating like a pig, but to keep laughing like one."

    have you read "fat girl" by judith moore? applies to this post in many ways…not the least of which being that her grandmother calls her boobs her "dinners."

    cracks me up.

  11. Weight watchers sounds like a sane way to lose weight. No extremes or completely cutting out certain types of foods. Keep playing the tennis though. As my sister says, "You gotta sweat like a pig to look like a fox."

  12. Losing weight is tough–I know. I think what you have to do is commit to a lifestyle change rather than a 'diet'. For me, 'diet' creates the idea that it will end at some point in time whereas lifestyle change is a constant. If you want any tips, tricks or pointers let me know. Between Weight Watchers and portion control I've lost the excess 25lbs I was carrying around (it took me 4 months, but I've kept it off now for 7).

  13. I was on ww for various times for various reasons for various motivations. I gained a lot of weight in high school, then was on prozac for a while (which they say CAN cause weight gain in use over prolonged time)- I digress, the point is I gained an exorbitant amount of weight in about 10 yrs, and now am finally years after that, ready to change. WW is a fantastic program, however you have to be able to live with that flexibility. At this early stage for me, I cannot, so I have just started- today- jenny craig. How serendipitous I went to chk out the blog before I went home and this is what you write about! I plan to return to ww after I have slimmed somewhat with JC.
    Best of luck to you. Things will work out!

  14. i have tried weight watchers and it just doesn't work for me … i get all rebellious at the points and end up binging and thinking, "ha! you did not win nasty points!" i honestly gained 30lbs in the past 2 years trying to diet.

    now i am just trying to be healthy and listen to my body instead of a "weight nazi" … and hope that my cute clothes fit again by the end of the summer.

  15. Weight is always an issue for us Americans, especially for women cause us guys tend to be more shallow and judge women too quickly. Also writing for a living is a sure battle with the fridge and the fork. But frankly, I don't see why you're even dwelling on it, he said, judging you from your photos. I think you look beautiful. Let all that worry go. Just keep moving, get outside—-bike, walk, run, skip, swim–and everything will take care of itself.

  16. I wouldn't dream of giving advice to anyone regarding their weight. You will do whatever you're ready to do when you really want to do it, no matter what advice is given to you.

    I was skinny my WHOLE life – 6 feet tall and 125 lbs. Emphasis on WAS…..I am now struggling with my weight and realize what everyone was always talking about. I just figured my "skinny-ness" would just miraculously come back. It didn't. I've joined a gym (and I go to it).


  17. WW is the way to go! After my third baby, I went on it and lost 60 pounds. I kept it off, but then got comfortable and stopped getting on the scale. I have never stopped going to WW altogether, but the key is getting there and getting on that freaking scale. Also, I just started an excel document where I am entering EVERY item I eat, and every exercise session I particpate in. It's tough, but being fat is tougher!

    And to the person who said, "Do this, then don't do that."… if you want to get preg, etc… just live your life accordingly, like you are used to… don't freak out about alcohol if you are trying to get pregnant… but definitely, absolutely, definitely cut way back on the crank!

    Kidding folks, just kidding!

  18. As a lifetime member of Weight Watchers (who is now "non-practicing"–I got my medallion in middle school) and veteran of half a dozen other official plans and hundreds of unofficial ones, I can unequivocally say WW is the smartest approach out there. People are right on when they say losing weight and keeping it off requires a lifestyle change. My weight has fluctuated through the years, but over the last decade it's trended downward because I've made small, permanent changes along the way. That's really just starting to sink in, because after all these years I *still* decide I want to lose five or ten pounds and get really gung ho and work my ass off (literally) in the gym and eat really well…and then a couple of months into it decide I've worked hard enough and I stop. My latest trick–inexplicably, I picked up a copy of Glamour, which I never read, and was hooked by their Body By Glamour program. It's free–they give you an online food diary and workout log, along with a new food goal and workout ideas each week. I've heard for years that keeping a food diary alone helps people lose weight and keep it off, but this is the first time I've tried that and it seriously works. I find myself eating better so my food log will look good–crazy but true. And really, at least half of the weight-loss effort is mental, right? Whatever you do, be good to yourself–and remember you and your body are worth taking good care of.

  19. As a fellow snorter and one with the ability to pork out, I can completely relate. I have been REALLY heavy and I have been REALLY thin. I must say I wasn't happy at either of those places. Try the middle ground. Weight Watchers might help kick start your plan (I need full on accountability too), but you have to find the place where you are happy with you … even if you weigh 10 more pounds than you'd like.
    BTW .. you look gorgeous in all of the pictures I have seen!

  20. Me too — just like Cat — tall and thin for 49 years. All of a sudden, after taking Remeron for a couple of weeks last year I put on 20 pounds in six weeks and its stayed there. Everyone says I look good, but they don't see me without my clothes. Its reeeevolting. Frightening. It came home to me one day when I met a new person, I said something about 'when I was thin' and the instant usual response would be "but you ARE still thin!" but she said nothing …. my heart just sank.

  21. here's what i can tell you. when i lived in new york, the combination of late nights, alcohol, the occassional cigarette, and the motivation of wealthy and attractive people that valued superficial presentation, insured that i didn't "blossom" too far out of control. i actually looked pretty good. came with the job and the zip code. 5 years later, 3 of which spent in law school in boston, and i too joined weight watchers this spring. because i wasn't huge yet, but i definitely wasn't heading in the right direction. i missed my expensive new york clothes that hadn't seen the light of day in years. and you know what? it works. it sucks, but it works. once you get the numbers going (wonder how much for three bites of bbq?) you'll lose without thinking about it too much. good luck!

  22. I've been reading you for a while, and enjoying the smiles or 'ohhh' that result from reading your writing. Never commented before.

    I loved your way of writing this one, and the 'tie in'; that was great.

    I definitely like " stop eating like a pig but keep laughing like one".

    Thats a great philosophy! Good luck with everything!

  23. The only thing that worked for me was having a goal in mind for calories that I should consume in a day–about 1500. Once I reached that amount, I didn't eat more. No restrictions on what I could eat–just total intake. I exercise, but I don't think it's ever helped me lose weight as much as eating the amount that I'm supposed to eat.

  24. I started WW again about 4 weeks ago and have lost almost 8lbs. I really think that not eating a raspberry croissant EVERY morning on my way to work might have been the key to this initial weight loss. I'm doing the core plan this time because there's no measuring (that made me obsess over everything) and it sounds cool – "I'm CORE! ROCK ON!"

    Anyways – good luck! Support from friends and family is important.

  25. WW really worked for me about 2 years ago – lost over 30 lbs. Then I got lazy and have gained it all back! I tried on-line but it didn't work for me. The exercise is important as well, but I think diet and exercise go hand in hand. The better you are eating, the better you feel and the more motivated you might be to say, go for a good 60 min. walk. And the more you are exercising, the more likely you are to eat well. That was a long winded "Good Luck"! It's a good plan.

  26. stop spending so much time in front of your computer, and start breaking a sweat.
    but then again , you have 'FP'..(fat potential)..even when you're thin, you still have the potential to be fat. harsh, i know, but true.
    my guess is…the suitor is angry inside that you are this way (who wants a round woman?), and this is why he verbally abuses you. maybe this is why you aren't married yet ?

  27. WW is great, its very heatlhy and has 2 plans to choose from incase you are bored or want a stricter plan. I love it. After having 2 kids back to back and raising 5 kids total I enjoy going to the meetings, by myself! The meetings are more like a class and you can really learn alot about yourself, its work but fun. I lost 12lbs since joining this spring. Slow weigh loss stays off better..Just make sure you are doing it for the right reasons because the road is lifetime.

  28. I go to weight watchers meetings … I hate sitting through the motivational speeches and everything … but I do have to be held accountable for my weight … so I go to the meetings to be weighed. I also use the e-tools at Weight Watchers online for a small fee because it is easier to keep track of what I eat online as I'm in front of a computer almost 24-7. I had a splurging day yesterday and I'm pretty mad about it right now. Anywho .. good luck.

  29. Weight Watchers was the only diet that ever worked for me, I lost over 20 pounds in a couple months and I felt great. But the key was to have someone to do it with. Thats why the meetings were great. On Saturdays I would tell people that I was going to "AA for fatties". But, as soon as I lost my support and stopped going to meetings, I began to eat EVERYTHING in sight. I do want to join again, its the healthiest way to diet.

  30. Been on WW for a long while now, but have had some pounds creep back on. This week, I religiously wrote down every single thing I ate (even recorded it on an excel spreadsheet).

    Weighed in today and lost 3.8 pounds. Grab some butter sticks to calculate that weight. It's a good start for me! That's the key: write down what you eat. Don't go over your allotted points. Lose weight.

  31. Stephanie, I met you a few months ago, at your final New York reading before you moved to Austin. You're GORGEOUS. A zillion women wish they were as thin as you. It's hard for all of us, regardless of how much we weigh. But you should know that you look amazing.


  32. Who is the weight nazi of the UES? I'm moving there in a month…I love your site. I'm on June of 2006 in the archives so far, and I can't wait to get caught up.

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