Today I atoned for my sins in a theatre.  The E-walk theatre… which sounds like the Ewok Theatre, watching a movie that was more war than stars.  40 year Old Virgin.  I kept hoping it would become funny.  It didn’t really.  There were parts where I wanted to laugh but just couldn’t.  Everything felt forced, like convincing myself to go to shul on the holiest of days.  I don’t like being strong-armed into atonement.  I suppose, though, in relationships I strong-arm too often.  I guilt.  I become the Jewish mother without the bad food.  No one ever looks forward to a Jewish holiday.  You know why?  Aside from the fried latkes, there is no reason for Jew food.  Okay, brisket, mostly because it’s a conduit for ketchup.  Slap it on rye (seedless), and it’s all good.  (Okay, Flanken… which is basically short ribs with a really scary name… is a good time.  I concede).  Though it’s nothing like fish night for the Italians on Christmas Eve.  Now that is a celebration to atone for. 


  1. I read about this movie on a site I probably shouldn't tell you about but whattheheck… And it's actually that. It tells you about the ending and everything but I wouldnt' look at it if it was something I really wanted to see. So I haven't seen it. It sounded kind of hokie. I always thought Jewish food sounded interesting and good. I love rueben's, does that qualify? I think I'd love latkes, maybe sweet potato ones. Ahh, Italian fish night. The first real Italian dinner I had at my in-laws was baccala over polenta. I had no idea what it was then but it was delicious. The baccala soaking to get the salt out for days, then stewing with fresh tomatoes, olives, herbs and wine. Then served over polenta. It was wonderful. Then when Easter came, the smell in the house was of wine and herbs and poultry…rabbit to be exact. It was good but the little leg and long foot on my plate creeped me out. Sorry this got rather long but you got my memories and tastebuds going.

  2. Drunken, huh? I guess that explains the pathetically failed attempt to combine three disparate ideas in one rambling paragraph. It's still no excuse for the bad puns though.

  3. You've clearly never tasted my auntie Sylvia's kougal, or my aunt Cheryl's gefilte fish. I blew the shofar this afternoon at shul, after having fasted for almost 24 hours. It was….fun.

  4. I always thought the Jewish Mother thing was about giving guilt, not feeling guit. We Catholics, now we feel guilt. Our whole religion is built on it.

    I just chuckled. "Our" religion. As though it was mine anymore.

  5. Bad food? It may have weird names, but what's there not to like? Lox and bagels, brisket, kuegel, matzah ball soup, blintzes, corned beef specials, chocolate babkah, even gefilte fish… sounds good to me. Maybe I shouldn't expect much from someone who would even think about eating seedless rye. I can't even comment on the ketchup part, it hurts too much.

  6. I kept hoping it would become coherent. It didn't really.

    God you write badly! But thanks for the giggle.

  7. I didn't get that movie either. He is so funny in "The Office". maybe he's just a one-trick pony".

    atone… I love that word. I'm gonna say it again- "atone".

  8. This post reminded me of growing up. I used to go to the bakery with my mom. She'd have the lady behind the counter put the freshly baked rye bread in some mechanical contraption which would slice it. I can hear the blades running through it, I can smell it today…yes, with seeds! I'd always get a chocolate chip cookie out of the case(of course I chose the biggest one)and finish it before i got home. Thanks for reminding me. That's what a blog is about! Not to look at sentence structure, spelling or political correctness. It is about making me and all your other avid readers recall/think…thanks.

  9. Well, I thought it was funny. I cringed a lot, but it was the type of funny that's funny in spite of the pain, you know? Like laughing at jokes you shouldn't laugh at. (Race jokes, for instance.) Now talk about guilt. **Ducking away in Catholic shame**

  10. I cant believe you didn't think that movie was funny! I thought it was the funniest ive seen in a while…aside from wedding crashers. I like stupid funny things though, everyone is different.

    I also love a lot of jewish food!

  11. Ouch, the truth comes out. I've had some very good Jewish food, actually, I'm sorry to hear that you don't like any. I'm more sorry to hear you didn't find 40 Years Old Virgin funny, granted the ending was a lake of cheese, there were some very good bits in between.

  12. Oh, My, God! You are way to serious little girl. Get a life and have some laughs. Why must you pick everything apart? It is supposed to be a stupid movie. Quit looking for the meaning of life in a movie. Only Monty Python can provide that. Lighten up girlfriend! It was a funny movie.

  13. Maybe the movie wasn't funny to her. I don't think that has anything to do with being light as a person. I'd feel fake if I was laughing at things that didn't tickle me. Some comments seem unnecessary. Maybe some people aren't satisfied by trival and would like their life filled with substance. Nothing wrong with that.

  14. No one is forced to atone. How would that even be possible? You either observe the holy days, or you don't. It's that simple. It's a personal choice, it matters to you, or it doesn't.

  15. There are some awesome Jewish food. Although i will admit the company made a big difference, I had amazing food for Rosh Hashanah. And Halva ice-cream is particularly worth waiting for New Years for. I could live on Barbra Rosenstein's halva ice cream.

  16. I have nothing, really, to contribute to the discussion about atonement or Jewish food (although I did recently see a photograph of kugel that looked so good I wanted to eat the paper). I just wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your posts. I got to London yesterday, arrived at my boyfriend's apartment and found that he'd gone to work already. When I am here, I often feel like I'm waiting and waiting and waiting. I go back to NY on Monday and I've been trying to stay busy but it would be a lie not to admit that am sort of blue and lonely.
    I tell you this because one of the things that I do when I feel like that is go to your site. I keep learning is how much better life — and writing — is when it's uncensored, no matter the topic. Thanks for reminding me.

  17. jew food rocks, i always look forward to the holidays because of the food. now as for the atoning, that's another story.

  18. Re: the food, you know, we Scandinavians share some of the tasty cuisine with Jewish New Yorkers. I am speaking of course of (a) pumpernickel bread and (b) herring. I ate them as a child by the fistful growing up in central New Jersey (one of the places Scandos flocked to, though the Midwest is more well-known), never knowing that when I would come to NYC, these things would be known as Jewish food. But I love that stuff! And truth be told, I'm sure the pickled herring I ate as a child was kosher and packaged by a Jewish company.

    So don't knock your native cuisine! 'Cause I'm loving it.

  19. Well, I've been in Israel the past month and jew food rocks! I haven't seen ANY of the above mentioned but I have had moroccan fish, kube (an iraqi pastry), incredible babaganoush, hummos, lamb kebab, pork kebab (from wild pork that is hunted in the north of israel), cucumber, tomato salad, and some incredible french-morrocan pastries. Apples and honey are pretty damned good, provided the apples actually have taste: which in New York city they have no flavor at all.

    You're right though, if you're ashkenazi, you have nothing to look forward too…

  20. I believe there IS a reason for Jew food: to create sufficient ongoing demand for cardiologists. Specifically, for the sons of elderly braggart Jewish women who prattle on endlessly about "mine son, the cardiologist."

    Said he as he faced the prospect of yet another holiday meal. Sigh.

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