hamps in da house

I’m in The Hamptons for more poolside banter, more cocktails, and more freckles.  Except this time, I’m sitting it out in the shade, working.  Soon there will be poolside bbqs at friends of friends places.  I’ll run into more people who at some point went to the same camp or school with me.  Currently, I’m at Micheal Becker’s house, sitting in his shade, juicing up the laptop with his electricity.  “Has he changed much since high school?” his girlfriend asks me.

“Nah, that’s the thing.  We don’t really change all that much.”  Any real changes we make feel enormous to us, but to an acquaintance, the change would go unnoticed.  We spend our lives trying to hide the things we know we should change.  The only people who really see it are the ones who are deeply involved in our lives, and who are usually the ones coaching us through it.  “He’s the same.”  I smile and have no idea.  He was always nice to me.  That’s all you really remember when someone asks, “what was he like in high school.”  He was always nice, but so was my ex-boyfriend.  Charming.  Nice.  Hid that nasty shite where no one else could really see it… until it was sleeping beside her.  I don’t think you really know someone until:
You know what kind of drunk they are (I’m an emotional confrontational mess mostly)
You’ve been lost with them in car (I laugh and end up talking about the music.  A map is nothing more than paper that’s hard to fold if I’m holding it.)
You’ve survived Blockbuster (I won’t rent anything frightening.  I hate being scared.)
You’ve been sick in front of them (when I’m sick, I don’t want anyone to see me, worry my breath is a chronic case of horrible, and all I do is apologize.)
You’ve gone shopping for one person. (I rarely want any guy to go shopping with me.  What?  I want him to sit there miserable, text messaging, wishing he were somewhere else, anywhere else, while he blatantly checks out the other women as they check themselves out in three-way mirrors?  I think not so much.)
You’ve had a big fight (I usually need time to cool off before I act like an insecure child anyway, and I love makeup seex).
You’ve seen them interact with friends and family
You’ve seen where they live
You attend an event where you know no one other than your date

What else?



  1. when you can say "i love you" and "you have a booger stuck to your chin" in the same breath and still mean it. My one year wedding anniversary is today and I really do love him boogers and all.

  2. When you still want to have sex even after the unexpected, and surprisingly loud, queef.

  3. Happiness is friendship and friendship is the messy mess of everyday blunders and laughs that can be shared….and of course fights, embarassment, hurt, and disapointment. Anyone who can fart in front of eachother has to be close if ya ask me.

  4. i think crying solidifies you as close friends but maybe you said that already – i'm drunk

  5. Yeah, I haven't used the word "queef" since I was in high school! But it's the most easily recognizable word for that infrequent bodily release, I suppose.

    Something a little milder, less "gross":

    When you can cuddle up with some wine on a weeknight and enjoy reruns of Law & Order together, even when you've already seen a particular episode a hundred times.

  6. Twice in ten years; infrequent indeed. So shocking at the time, it induces laughter which, we all know, does not help matters.

  7. playing a game with them. seeing as I always in, seeing the competitive nature of someone who hates to lose take it gracefully…or pretty badly.

  8. When, after not having seen eachother in years, you can hang out and talk like no time has passed at all and there's no weirdness or hurt feelings for not keeping in constant touch.

  9. You've traveled with them. When you no longer have familiar comforts around; especially if you don't speak the language or understand the customs, what really matters in mate seems to magically surface (or not as the case has too often been).

  10. *when you close your eyes and know exactly what he smells like when you are falling asleep on his chest while watching a movie
    *when you know how many wrinkles he has around his eyes when he laughs
    ok, i am done with cutsie, gaggie things
    *when you know what face expression he makes when he is embarrased about something

  11. I can tell none of you people have ever been in the army or had to defend anything else beyond your selfish need to constantly have a good time, because the ONLY time you ever REALLY get to know someone for who or what they TRULY are is in a foxhole. The bedroom is the LAST place to get to really know someone. Sex is about conceit and deceit–the conceit of thinking you deserve to get laid and the deceit necessary to prove that to someone else. But war and survival bring out the true person.

  12. I hate those events where you only know your date…

    And- I always notice the little changes in my friends…

  13. When you can sit down at a restaurant and tell the waiter what they're going to order and any particulars.

    When you've looked at the books they keep on their shelves, and can tell the ones they read, the ones they haven't, and the ones they love.

    You know the difference of when they're just being polite and when they're genuine.

    When you find out the current relationship they have with their family, and the struggles it beared to get there.

    What they keep in the back of the closet.

    When you know what they really think of their good friends and which ones they can count on for what.

    When you have a fight you know where your relationship will stand depending on the topic.

    To be honest, I think it's a lot of little things and a lot of big things / experiences. And it's hard to know if anyone really knows anyone at all. There is too much to every tale for any one person to know it all. And there are always those places that you don't want people to know about and you may not even know about yourself. What does that mean anyhow…to know someone.

  14. When you absolutely, positively KNOW what they're thinking as well as you know your own thoughts.

    You've been on a 12 hour road trip together and you didn't exchange a single harsh word.

  15. when you can understand what they;re feeling with just a simple gaze into their eyes.

    when you can tell them and they you what you consider to be your most terrible secret and you know that you will still love each other, no matter what.

  16. When you can spend hours in the same space/room feeling at ease despite that fact that no words need to be exchanged

    When you can finish their sentence or know what they are going to say

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