I’ve heard of naming your penis. I don’t really get it; it’s not a car, but I know it’s done. What I don’t get is referring to it in the third person, as if it has a personality. “Willy wants to come out and play.” Ew. That’s just wrong.
I know several men who tell doctor stories and refer to their “area” as “stuff” or “junk.” I flinch. “What should I call it?”
“Not that!”
“Why? It’s my junk.” Ew. “Anyway, so the doc was touching my junk…”
Don’t do that. We don’t want to think of your penis or balls as stuff or junk. For starters, “stuff” evokes thoughts of the middle of Oreos, of a black grandfather with his grandson drinking whole milk listening to the sound of a twisted cookie. And, “junk” evokes thoughts of the trash heap from Fraggle Rock or Oscar from Sesame Street. Guess what? You can’t win with either. Oreos bring us back to roller rinks and Member’s Only jackets, and Oscar brings us back to the whole Big Bird Snuffalufagus conundrum. And there’s nothing seexy about an 8-foot tall bird that wears a propeller beanie hat, whose legs look like ribbed condoms, and who drinks birdseed milkshakes from Mr. Hooper’s store. Now, Snuffalufagus, on the other hand, had quite a trunk, if memory serves. Still, ix-nay on the unk-jay. There has to be a better word. I prefer “area,” which evokes a modern clean television show. I can deal with that.
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I always say that im hung like a Mouse…hehehe
~~(__)8>
An ex used to call my penis "Mr. Freckle". I assume this is because it has a freckle. I never told that to anyone else, certainly not a medical professional . . . but then again, Mr. Freckle, fortunately, never needed medical attention.
Johnny Cox.
Someone once named it for me: Vlad the Impaler (I'm Romanian).
So can I say, "My area wants to come out to play," or "I shave my area," or "The doctor fondled my area," or "Please touch my area,"? I don't think any of that is funny, or sexy. It sounds so clinical. Not that "junk" is any better. For such a dirty girl, you sure are sensitive about naming the private parts. (If you doubt "dirty", please refer back to "He j'd on my face," and "I workin' down here!" and "my finger was in his ass.")
I guess I just don't get it, and I also hate that this post is about me…
virginia
My Vice President of Pubic Relations…
~~(__)8>
OK – no one else has gone there so I guess I will:
Crank, Shaft, Dick, Cock, Snake, Pud, Weasel, Wonder Worm, Johnson, Jammy, Rod, Dolphin, Moisture Missile, Willie, Schlong, Putz, Wank, Meat, Meat Puppet, Meat Whistle, Monster, Tube Steak, Monkey, Skin Flute, Pocket Rocket, Yogurt Dispenser, Peter, Joystick, Prick, Dink, Dong, Pipe, Banana, Bone, Stub…
Allow me, since evidently, as per usual with many women, we are still neglecting/forgetting the "step children, rocks, nuts, eggs, stones, tea bag, berries, family jewels, hefty bag, testes", etc…..
Me and my friends always refer to "my privates".
Its so funny, it makes us laugh every time. Cause every other name makes us laugh too.
hey now! I have a member's only jacket and it is quite nice. :)
Hands down the best is from the movie 'How to lose a guy in 10 days'…
"Princess Sophia"
"Clem". He's your buddy, and he's reliable. If you get the car stuck in a ditch, you can call Clem. Need the transmission rebuilt-Clem. Want to hang out at the bowling alley on tuesday-Clem again. He doesn't take himself too seriously, but when called upon, he delivers. Unassuming, yet competent.
I've always liked 'meat and two veg'
"Bennie and the Jets"?
Twig and Berries
although Twig is not illustrative of the girth of the member
ACK ! i didnt want to know what everyone else refered to their own as ! now when i read comments, i'll be thinking of what its called instead of your comment name!
Long Dong Silver
Free Willy
Little Elvis
Wang Dang Doodle
Pinky and the brain
Mr. Fruitbasket
I could go on for days.
young Tommy and the twins
For a spell, I referred to my weenie as "Your Mom".
Breaking up ain't so hard after all.
If men wouldn't call it junk, women may be more willing to play with it.
However, trunk could be flattering and build intrigue.
I like The Love Below.
Not sure how I feel about the whole "area" thing. Oh baby, show me your area. Let me suck on your area. Your area is so…
Yeah… not so much
Oy. Okay, I meant use "area" when telling a medical story. Like, "So when the doctor examined my area…"
The bedroom is a-whole-nother "ball game." Where I personally prefer to go old school with "cock." It's so much hotter than "dick," and keeps me from evoking images of the "ricky retardo dicks" in my life.
straight from the mouth of an englishman (errmm my husband)
3 piece
cannon and balls
pink oboe
2 billiard balls in a grocery sack
undercarriage
knackers
scrots
hairy conkers
todger
Not so big on nouns for genitals. Proper nouns, on the other hand, are OK:
"Mister"
OK, so that is the only one that's acceptable.
But, it goes oh-so-well with: "Lady"
Afterall, gentlemen always let the lady go first.
:)
There's nothing I hate more than hearing a guy tell me "Mr. Johnson wants to come out and play", or "Mr. Johnson wants a kiss" or "Mr. Johnson is lonely". There's a certain degree of smugness that accompanies these statements that neither cute nor sexy. I'd rather hear a guy stop acting like he's playful and say something manly and rude.
Oh yeah, right… Lemme see if this makes sense…
The one thing I've got that has the most potential for fun, and I'm going to give it its OWN name?!? Let it step out with its own identity??
Ohhhhhhhnoyadont!! That's ME down there. It's all part of the same er.. package. Hell, something has to make up for the glasses and double chin.
Naming rights are for stadiums. What's next? Decals?? NASCAR-like sponsorships???
"Yeah, the Durex powerhouse was really on its game tonight, and I wanna give a shout-out to my sponsors, Ketel One and Astroglide. Without them, none of this would have been possible."
The mysteries practiced among men are unholy mysteries.
I just call "it" my fucking PENIS you stupid
piece of crap