fire down below

Smelly and I met Chris while asking for directions to La Boca Veritas to recreate an Audrey Hepburn episode that wouldn’t involve a black dress.  The three of us chatted as the sky turned pink.  We paced the tree-lined strip along the Tevere as I deleted photographs to accommodate sunset by the river moments.

A balding dark man leaned against a parked car, his hand moving frenetically.  Only a moment of a beat passed before I whipped my head around.  Was I seeing things?  Oh yes, oh yes I was.  “He’s jerking off.”  Neither Smelly nor Chris knew about what I was whispering.

“What?  Where?”
“Right there,” I say through clenched teeth while pointing with my whole head.
“Oh dear God,” Chris says as he quickly jerks away.  Smelly won’t even look.

We continue walking, and I occasionally turn back.  “Smelly, did you see that?”
“How did you miss that?”
“I didn’t want to look.  I mean, what if it was true?”

He jerked off by the river, smiling with summer teeth (some are here, some are there).  In a moment, camera in hand, I was certain I needed to capture this for the blog.  I turned back and pointed the camera in his direction.  I was ready to fight fire with fire.

The Jerk concealed his face abruptly, as if he were discovered with an illicit lover.  He ran away.

“Holy shite.  I so wish I snagged that on film for the blog.”  What was wrong with me?  It’s not like I’d actually put that on my blog.  It’s too disturbing, still, I wanted to the option.  Then the three of us continued to head toward our restaurant destination speaking of what had just happened to us.

I was certain we should cross the street, but Smelly and Chris felt safer crossing at the intersection.  When we finally approached the intersection, The Jerk was kneeling on the cement in an alcove along the river.  His eyes were tented with a handkerchief.  He was ready to die.  “To die” in Shakespeare’s day meant to have an orgasm.  You’re getting closer.

Later that night I dreamt in Italian.  There wasn’t any talking or confusion, but I was in Europe.  I tried to will my dreams toward my bed at home, toward Linus, even, but the steering got away from me.  I felt incredibly dirty, not in a good way.  The witnessing of the executioner haunted my thoughts.  I get a pit in my stomach knowing complete sickos like this exist.  Fiddlers.  He was smiling, laughing then he whispered, “Wait to take the photograph.  Wait.  I’ll cum for you.”

My camera never fired, and I didn’t stick around to see if he had.

sky reflection


  1. i feel kinda creeped out just by reading it.

    on a happier note, have a Happy New Year, Steph and keep on writing !

  2. Closest thing I can say I have seen to that is two bums pissing. One into traffic on a sidestreet in the 30s between Broadway and 7th Ave. and one pissing on the window of a Chase Manhattan branch on 42nd and Madison at 12:00pm.

    Now the one pissing on the bank would have made a great shot. You could sell that to any other bank and make millions.

  3. I was taking a very early morning walk around the park, while my friend attending her rowing practice. There were lots of joggers and walkers, and the culture seemed to be to say hello.

    A man walked by and I looked him square in the eye and said cheerily, "Good morning!" He didn't reply; in fact, he looked quite surprised.

    It was only after he had passed by that I realised that his penis had been hanging out of his fly.

    The look on his face was priceless, and talk about turning the tables. He had probably hoped for some extreme reaction from me, but all he got was good manners. It was great. Because of that, I didn't feel creeped out at all.

  4. I have unfortunately witnessed this one too many times. The first time was when I was about 16, and the guy was jerking off in the middle of the Pere Lachaise cemetary in Paris. So disgusting. In college, there were a number of times my roommate and I witnessed jerks–with and without raincoats–on the NYC subway.

  5. I'm sure Robotnik's already picked up on this, and I don't know why I didn't notice 'til just now, but you don't capitalize any words in your titles. How groovy. Any neat story behind this?

  6. I can't help but laugh for some sick reason. This happened to me when I was thirteen. I witnessed a penis jerking man in my neighborhood. It prolonged my virginity no doubt. Now I wonder how many men actually do this in public?

  7. Ms. SK, I think you may have run into Bukowski (speaking of not capitalizing titles) doing his bid-ness.

    Will someone please make a joke using the lack o' capitals (in titles), ee cummings, and this latest post.

    Please? Before The Corsair gets to it.

  8. Pointing your camera at the dark, balding man obviously scared him and was not the reaction he expected. *L*

    I think jerking off dudes get off (no pun intended) on being seen. The reaction they get, especially from women seems to be what they're looking for because I don't think men would give them a second look, or would they?

    While I was walking to work one morning with a friend, we passed an old church with tall shrubs and heard a "psst." I ignored it at first but the second time got my attention, and my friend didn't hear it at all. When I turned around to see where the sound was coming from I saw a man behind the shrubs talking to Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters, waxing his surfboard, whatever. He grinned as if to say "look at me, am I shocking you?"

    I didn't give him the satisfaction of a reaction, that's the bitch in me.

    Yeah, he did shock me. It was the first time I've ever witnessed something so pathetically twisted and obviously it's something I'll never forget. It has always left me wondering what satisfaction (other than the obvious) does a man get from doing this in public? Yeah, there are sickos in this world. I used to email with a man I met online at a writer's site who sent me pictures of his dick in mid fire. His email has been blocked ever since. Sick fuck.

    Our world is so full of diversity. Oy!

    By the way, happy new year everyone!

  9. But it is art?

    Hey, look at it this way. Maybe "Al Fresco" is just a traditionalist… rebeling against a world that has driven his brothers-in- uh…hands indoors and onto the internet.

    "I WON'T drink wine out of a box; I REFUSE to buy a web cam; and I STILL believe the designated hitter rule has ruined the American baseball!

    "Now get out of my way, I've got a matinee in 10 minutes!"

  10. I had a similar experience years ago…I was much younger maybe 21 or 22. I was riding an almost empty subway in Toronto and a man sat directly across from me and proceeded to jerk off – staring at me the entire time. Can you say "where do you look?"

    I wish I had had the nerve to pull the emergency stop but I was so shocked all I could think of was darting off the train as soon as the doors opened…but I think he got off before I could! There are truly some sick individuals in this world.

  11. Too bad you didn't get the picture. You could have posted it on some sexual offender web sight. Needs his weener cut off!

  12. Ah Italy, land of fine art, fashion, food and the biggest perverts in the world. I studied 5 months in Florence and just about everyone came across men doing the same (not myself, luckily) on a regular basis. They became so familiar and normal, like "Ug I got flashed by the short red-headed one today." "Oh I saw him last week, too…"

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