great expectations

removed by author



  1. Stephanie,

    I didn't mean to make you roll your eyes when I said love comes when you're not looking for it, but for me it did. Like you, I also wanted Mr. Sensitive. I wanted the house in the suburbs, the kids, the white picket fence, the SUV and the Soccer mom t-shirt, and what I got was Mr. Bad Boy, thrown out of art school for being a schlep type guy. We have a house in the city, a wall instead of a fence and cats instead of children. Unfortunately no SUV.

    As I got to know him I realized how intelligent and brilliant he was. He had insight and dimension. He made me see things I never understood and he made me see myself, and for a guy who once wore leather jackets, had hair down to his ass and played in a heavy metal band, he turned out to be everything I wanted.

    We molded into each other to make what we consider a perfect relationship, but only for ourselves, others have different "perfect" relationships. I know some of our friends think we're weird, but it works. It's not perfect everyday, we also argue, bicker and disagree.

    What I was trying to say is, sometimes things happen while we're busy doing something else. That's not always the case for everyone. I firmly believe that you will find what you're looking for, but it might be disguised, you just have to look deep enough. Keep your eyes open and most of all, continue being your beautiful self.

    I hope I made sense. It is 2:30am and this girl is tired.

  2. "We esteem ourselves and our beliefs, and when we find someone who shares our philosophy, we grab on and name it comfort. It feels right, like you’ve known one another for years. But it’s what you’re used to, not, necessarily what’s good for you. Maybe you should be with a spirited waitress or waiter instead. Maybe it’s not at all how you’d imagined it. Perhaps finding your equal isn’t the goal; maybe it’s not about equal."

    You know that feeling when someone verbalises something you've been batting around in your head for a while and you just want to nod energetically and yell 'fuck yes!'? Well, thats pretty much me, right now. Thanks for this.

  3. I met my guy when I was not looking. I had been separated for more than a year and my messy divorce was just about to go through (finally!). I was living it up, going out with friends and having this amazing time learning about myself again and then we met doing a play. I played the harlot, he was the guy I was trying to steal. We both fought it at first, liked the friends with benefits we said, the freedom. Besides, he wasn't my type either – 2 years younger, more studious than the party boy/musicians I had been with before. But he stepped up and showed me he was all the things I wanted plus the things I should have wanted. It's been 2 years – he's shopping for a ring. Love came to me when I was running from it.

  4. i think there has got to be more in life than just finding a guy. most guys are attracted to that attitude. i personally think that 'trying so hard' will lead you to scanning lists, making out at bars, etc. just let it happen…

  5. Ahem, excuse me, I just wanted to say: OF COURSE there is more to life than finding a guy. And what's up with picking on Tom? Tom didn't even post!

    I juggle writing a novel, photographing events, keeping a blog, keeping friends, walking a dog, and a full-time job. Do I sit around waiting for men? No, but do I hope one comes along? Yes, I always will, no matter how fulfilling and brilliant my life is– I'll always want to begin a family too. You only catch a sliver of my life on the Internet. Everyone who knows me knows I'm more than a blog. So back off.

  6. There's that assumption people make about knowing someone because of the blog; I guess cause a blog like yours is somewhat of a journal, somewhat of a autobigraphical performance of a certain persona. It's fun, but sometimes demanding, and you get such a weird social circle sometimes– I don't know about you but I find myself saying "ooh, Stephanie said" or "ooh, there's this guy who posted a comment to my blog and he said"…. and people think I'm insane. But sometimes we can get some perspective on others lives here, I guess.

    I am a terrible example– I found my hubby when I was really young (21) and never ever expected to do that. BUT I was not planning to marry him and even said we weren't even dating for a long time. I guess that's what people will mean about finding someone when you least expect it. I think that sort of works, because if you have no expectations (like I didn't have with him) you have no weird pressures. So if he says "see ya later" you think he meant just that, and don't say to yourself "what the hell did he mean by that?"

    Of course you're not just sitting around waiting for some guy. But when he does come around, I certainly hope we hear something about it. :) It'll surely need one of those NC 17 ratings again! :) And that's one reason we love reading (at least I do) is that you can write such honest things about your love life that it's really a walk in someone else's fabulous shoes.

  7. 'act out on the best hypothesis without believing in it too dogmatically'

    –Bertrand Russell

    [it also applies to love. Settle accounts often (i.e., make sure you are satisfied, as Stephanie pointed out, and not that your list of requirements is being met). Ask for little and appreciate the less that you get…for you may dislike something but in fact it may be best for you. Sometimes it helps to think if you are suitable for the other person rather than whether the other person is suitable for you. To love is to make another's happiness your own, and that may mean that you should point the other in the right direction–away from you.]

  8. Is there really a guy out there that can handle stephanie's psychofanitc overanalysis of what it is that she needs ? I mean , can this MAN possibly exist? If he does, then bless his dear soul. My advice to stephanie, …don't let any man that you may have interest in anywhere near any of your commmentary . Its a true indictment of your desperation.

  9. Ned's a joke, right? I mean, does a man this negative and rude really exist? If he does, then bless his dear soul. I don't think he's ever poted a kind or positive comment on this site. It's a shame to have so much bitterness – I hope he gets it all out here though and spares the people he interacts with in person. Maybe it's his call for help and he just wants friends?

  10. Ned…dude, what crawled up your pant leg?

    Oh, and while I'm here, just thought I'd let you know that you spelled "fanatic" wrong… and you forgot to put a space after psycho.

    You're very welcome.

  11. Let the guy spew out his venom.
    It's good for all of us to get a slice of bile every now and again.
    Keeps us honest.
    We're just waaay too defensive.
    It's a BLOG for God's sakes.

  12. Excellent insight!

    I had a list once, then I met this guy who was an almost complete opposite of what I thought I wanted – he turned out to be perfect for me! Couldn't have planned it better myself!! I fought the whole notion at first…he was just so "not my type"! Now we're heading into our 10th year of marriage and things are only getting better.

    I'm especially grateful when I remember the boys I dated that met the criteria I had on "the list". But really, how much did I know at 17, 18, 19, heck even at 21, when this list was being constructed?? Not a hell of a lot. At the time, of course, I thought I had it all figured out. lol!

    Sounds like you'll make the right choice when it presents itself. And present itself, it will.

  13. Well I have to add that I also met my husband when I was not exactly looking for one. Actually, I had given up on the whole childhood dream of marriage at 25, a child at 27. I was married at 27 and am now 35 and we are still contemplating the idea of children. My husband was totally unlike any man I had ever met; all the men I had been involved with could very easily be manipulated by me! This one was different? At first it was frustrating but it is so refreshing to be with someone who just won't take the crap you try to dish out, or try to make them do whatever you want? It is wonderful to have finally met someone who has enough balls to stand up for himself. Good luck in your search.

  14. Know what Stephanie? I don't know you as well as your loyal following yet, but I'll say this. "He" will not likely be solely Mr. Sensitive or solely Mr Opposite but rather a nice combination thereof. Don't worry. Be patient. Be positive. You WILL find him…

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