back + whacks

san francisco chinatownThere are many places in Manhattan where men get jerked off on rubber couches after their body massages for around 80 bucks. In conversations with friends, they mimic a scale, their hands outstretched in front of them, “Let’s see, pay 80 bucks for a guaranteed release where I don’t have to worry about calling the next day, or wine her and dine her just to kiss her on the cheek? Yeah, tough decision indeed. We all pay for seex; I’d rather be up front about it.”

Then there are the married guys. “Yeah, but it’s not cheating if it’s a massage. It’s just a release.” I’ve actually heard it argued. Argue this: lactic acid drips out of pulled muscles, and you’re finally relaxed, then some Asian chick, who covers her mouth when she giggles, tenses you all up again for your orgasm. Why wouldn’t she and her friend (oh, yes, special customa getta two, special deal, firsta time.) jerk you off at the beginning? Then you can relax through the rest. I’ll tell you why. Then you’d have to lay there with your conscience.

Men don’t go to rub and tugs for the rub. It has nothing to do with relaxation and everything to do with the sexually charged atmosphere.

Here’s my stance on cheating: doing anything you wouldn’t normally do in front of your partner is cheating. If you wouldn’t do it with your spouse, girlfriend, exclusive anyone standing over your shoulder, then you shouldn’t be doing it. So, visiting any sexually charged atmosphere without your partner is cheating, if you believe your partner would take exception to it. Yes, even intimate details about the problems of your relationship discussed with another woman over dinner is cheating. That’s right, talk. If your girlfriend has a problem with your genitals being stimulated by another person, chances are, she’ll find something to scream about if she learns you’ve been fondled at the parlor. And you know it; that’s why you tell the guys about it and not your woman. Chalk it up to, “Well she just wouldn’t understand.” Understand this: you know it’s wrong, you feel it in your body language when you swing open the door. Forsaking all others. That’s what you committed to, not forsaking all others besides dirty whores who don’t count cause they’re dirty and you’d never really want them.

If you want a happy ending, grow up, and realize your 5-minute hard on is hardly worth your integrity… or your relationship. What you need to release is the idea that a “complete massage” isn’t a betrayal.



  1. Amen. Sadly, I've heard women just dismiss it and say "men can't help themselves" and then arguing with me when I tell them that yes, indeed we CAN help it. That one I couldn't figure out.

  2. We teach people how to treat us. I know people do what they want to.. they'll find a way to cheat if that's what they want to do. Turning your head to it is weakness. I know men can cheat and it has nothing to do with how much he loves the woman in his life. The problem is, integrity. How does he live with himself knowing what a coward he is? He's a coward for not being honest, and if he does tell her, and she stays, then she's the coward.

  3. Moral of the story: Men CAN help ourselves, and from the sound of it, it's apparently not happening ENOUGH. (Probably rooted in that 5-minute hard on problem… Pity.)

    So say it with me, boys and girls!

    Back off the whacks,
    Wax off your backs,
    Whack off your… self.

    Or one "release" may surely beget another.

  4. Your views on 'cheating' I find to be so ridiculous that one has to wonder if these views of yours contributed to your ex cheating on you?

  5. Le dernier pieux mensonge fait participer le public inevitablement et est le plus cruel à d'autres. 'La main qui fouette la prostituée le plus sévèrement est celle de son client plus ardent.' Michel Foucault, "Surveiller et Punir"

    The last 'pious lie' inevitably involves the public and is most cruel to others. 'The hand that whips the prostitute most severely is that of her most ardent client.'

    "Yes, even intimate details about the problems of your relationship discussed with another woman over dinner is cheating." Yes. Dirty shame not enough people (men & women) think this way.

  6. NED, you're a knucklehead. Cheating really is anything you wouldn't feel comfortable doing in front of your spouse, if you knew it would hurt their feelings. So, no, a fart, isn't cheating, but some woman taking a dump on you probably is. But you know what, Ned, for you, go ahead and let her; I won't object.

  7. Stephanie, when you're right, you're right. And more than one person hurts afterward.

  8. Hear, hear. I'm sorry you weren't around to give lessons to some of my own exes.

  9. The tug is pointless anyway, why pay some Asian to do it when I do it better than she does, and this is coming from a guy who's single, which is probably why I do it better than an Asian "masseuse" could. Factor in a female companion of some sort and my 80 bucks pays for our dinner and drinks, I love a good challenge.

  10. So this means I should stop discussing my sex life (currently monogamous) with one of my closest friends, merely because my friend is a woman?

    Now that's just silly talk.

    Agree on the main thesis, though.

  11. "'Yes, even intimate details about the problems of your relationship discussed with another woman over dinner is cheating.' Yes. Dirty shame not enough people (men & women) think this way.

    Does this include when a woman discusses the intimate details about problems of her relationship with one of her girlfriends…or perhaps in her blog?

    Or, is it limited to one-on-one discussions with the opposite sex?

    I know this question is being posed well after the original discussion, but it was linked into your most recent post and caught my interest.


  12. I'm offended that "Asian" has to come into this at all. What does badly accented English have to do with being a prostitute? I feel like this entry was in bad taste, and Shaun's comments that she is better than "some Asian" (read: all Asians) rather than "some masseuse" (which, although a generalization, would have at least not been a racist one) are in bad taste as well.

    I just love it when I'm walking down the street and guys say stuff like this to me. Yes, I'm Asian, but I can speak English perfectly fine and I'm not a prostitute either. I think all of this furthers the stereotype of Asian women as only cheap sexual objects.

    Yes, I know you have Asian friends, I saw the pictures. That doesn't stop your entry, or you, from being racist.

  13. racist indeed, i'd have to agree with you Carrie… i wonder now why stephanie felt compelled to bring an "Asian" into it at all?

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