english in the loo

In ALL, BOOK PUBLISHING by Stephanie Klein23 Comments


“Hey, ever read Junk English?”
“What’s that?”
“It’s this book I was reading today about language–”
“Where, in the bathroom?”
“When else would I ever read a book?”
“Good talk.”
“Hey, no one ever said evolution meant progress.”
“Would you like a banana with that?”


  1. Anything I want or need my husband to read, I always leave in the bathroom on the magazine stand directly in front of the toilet. That way I know it will get the attention it needs!

  2. I have to tell my husband that it is possible to poop in less than 15 minutes….it just means leaving the reading material behind. I think it really is his daily escape!

  3. thank goodness for this post. i thought i was the only one that read in the potty, in excess of 15 minutes, etc. we have tons of reading material in the upstairs bathroom…too funny. my husband will be getting a link to this today…i think he used to think it was odd, but now he just takes it as part of "the wonderul oddities that add up to my wife". i hope. hee hee…

  4. I know this is off topic, but Stepahnie, you mentioned on one of your book tour interviews that you lost about 10 – 15 pounds recently. Care to share how you accomplished this, I am sure so many readers would love to know. Thanks-

  5. I always leave things I want the darlings to read in the 'kid bathroom'. If I hide them under the other magazines, they're sure to be picked up first. I have snuck in articles about things ranging from eating disorders to how to prepare for the ACT's, the effects of drug addiction to how to use a new skin cleanser. And sometimes when it all just seems sucky to the teenagers, a Chicken Soup for the Teenager's Soul or a Little House on the Prairie or an Anne of Green Gables finds its way in there too – a little stress relief.

    The darlings will read what's there – ponder it – sometimes discuss it amongst themselves – and more often than not come lie on my bed at night and we'll have a nice, non-threatening segueway to get to the meat of the issues of the day.

  6. The shower anf the toilet are the greatest places to use your brain. Quote me.

  7. How dare you talk about reading and bathrooms when your husband is ill! Have you no priorities woman?

  8. I can't get over how much work gets done in a bathroom. It' should be eligible for a home office deduction.

  9. i have never understood reading in the bathroom. get in. get out. aren't there more comfortable places to sit and read? it just doesn't make sense to me. must be like peeing in the shower. i don't get that either.

  10. Phil is so freaking adorably cute sometimes. Clever.

    I like witty repartee; it's why 'The Thin Man' is one of my favorite movies.

  11. Yes, if I want my husband to read something I'm reading, I have to put it in his bathroom. Otherwise, he doesn't have time to read! LOL

  12. In college I teased the boys I lived with for having so much "literature" in the bathroom, including GRE/GMAT books. Tease as I may, they almost all graduated Phi Beta Kappa and did quite well in their future tests/schools :)

    Hope all is well with the family, Stephanie… keeping you in my thoughts!

  13. you know before an hour ago i thought i would read anything you wrote loving your style and blatent honesty. it was refreshing and relatable. however, now having read the butterfly effect chapter in straight up and dirty i have lost any and all respect for you and think you are a pig! i am apalled by your selfish actions and think you should get on your knees tonight and thank god for blessing you with children after you did such a disgusting thing. i am far from an abortion extremist, but i find what you did disgusting and repulsive and i can't believe you have the audacity to write about it like you were vindicated in doing what you did. what kind of loser lets a man affect their life that way. your not brave, you are a coward who aparently runs from any sign of adversity. how many women deal with much worse and persevere without killing an innocent baby. you have nerve making yourself out to be a victim and i only imagine that your first husband sought out another woman because of the shame you bring to the female gender everywhere. i would love to read a memoir by him and his accounts of your relationship, i imagine an entirely different story full of selfish actions and ball breaking.

  14. Melissa, as someone who has been on that end of having to make a choice such as termination, I think YOU are the pig. Who the fuck do you think you are? God?
    You're not. Have you ever been in that situation? I'd bet my big fat titties you havent. Shut up. Dont make me burn your bible, bitch!

  15. I love it! When my ex and I were buying our first place, I made sure it had two bathrooms becuase he spends half his life reading on the toilet!

    and ps: what's up with cranky-pants melissa? is that a joke?

  16. Melissa- you are coming off as a ginormous tool. What/Who gives you the right to sit in judgement like that? I have a feeling I know what religion you are (hey- you brought god into it), and isn't part of that whole thing not "casting stones" or whatever??

    People with ideas like yours make my blood boil and my heart hurt. It's hard for me not to call you names in retort, because my insides burn when I read stuff like what you wrote. I can't wrap my mind around how someone, a woman no less, thinks that way and stands in judgement of another woman's right to choose. Personally, I support it under any circumstances. Even if some uneducated person is using it as birth control, that's one less a-hole parent and one less f'ed up kid. So there- that's my answer to you, without cursing you out or calling you a complete and total douchey moron.

  17. "i have lost any and all respect for you and think you are a pig". A *pig*? Seriously? Melissa should be enrolled in a remedial name-calling class immediately.

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