"Try to avoid being sentimental when describing the attributes that make someone lovable. Really think… what makes you love the people you do?" Is it their attributes or more? Is it about childhood wounds and IMAGO therapy? About being with someone who pushes your buttons and helps you grow? What makes us love those we do?
I surround myself with friends who have the strength to tell me things I don’t necessarily want to hear. So I guess, I choose my friends because of how they make me be a better person. I’m closest to those who stimulate me intellectually. Usually that means introspective people who are emotionally expressive, people who help me grow by challenging my beliefs. What makes us love people? An ache and miss when they’re not around. I believe there’s a subconscious fabric that draws us to certain people because they help us work out our issues in a safe environment. They’re usually the best people to help us grow. I think we love those who help us grow into better people, even if it’s hard. A bond is created when we admit our weaknesses and ask for help. I only do that with people I love. What makes someone lovable? Their quirks. The fact that they’re always cold when you’re hot, that they can’t be in the same room with you when you apply your anti-perspirant because it reminds them of Mrs. Lerman, their fourth grade teacher. The way they are most themselves around you. The way she unbottons her pants at your apartment when she’s full. He likes tomatoes but only when they’re cooked, claims he doesn’t like pasta but will eat yours off your plate "for the sauce." Eats paper when she’s nervous; ate part of the bill when we were out to a group dinner. Wishes they gave medals for having no cavities. Thinks part of what makes her special is her physical flexibility, or hair, or midwestern accent. Thiks it’s cool that she actually had the mumps. Taught her cat to fetch. Is still afraid of ducks, loves the rain but only from inside, hates the beach unless he’s there with her, changes the subject when he’s uncomfortable. Calls you when she needs a pep talk. Goes with you to the doctor when you’re scared. Tells you bedtime stories.
I think we love in the details, in the rhythm of breath, and the curve of a suffix. I love in the details and quiet moments between the next laugh or sigh. In the hands. I love in the hands we inherit, in the history we hold. I love in what we confide and miss and ache for, someone who understands, and who gives. I love those who speak or think as I do, or who make fun of me, playfully, for the way I speak or think. Mostly, I love those who I look to for advice. My daily mentors. The ones I rely on for wisdom. I love in that, and in time.
Dogs and children are in a category all their own because they needn’t do anything but exist and need us.