craptacular

In ALL, DATING & MATINGby Stephanie Klein46 Comments

People ask me how I do it, and when I respond, "I can’t not do it," I’m not sure they get it. So for example, tonight I was on such a bad date, that I had to come home and write about it.  I had to the way you have to rub the belly of a very pregnant woman.  It was our second date, and it was a Tuesday.  I was in jeans with black heels, loving to love myself, in a white tank with an inner bra shelf, so if it was cold, he could admire my nipples and start thinking about seex. Who cares what he was wearing; it wasn’t memorable, which is better than remembering some Hawaiian shirt a-la-Larry from Three’s Company.

We’d made the plans yesterday, so he’d had some time for reservations, for linen somewhere, for a place with more than just appetizers.  It wasn’t about getting fed… shite, most women only do tar tar, crab cakes, or some salad anyway.  Okay, not me, but most women.  It’s about showing interest.  A guy asks me to meet him at some inexpensive East Village shitehole, and I’m thinking one of two things:  1) he’s cheap, or 2) he’s poor.  Either way, he’s not the guy for me.

The first indication ought to have been when I suggested we meet at Balthazar for our first date drink.  "How fancy shmancy," he said over the phone.  Oh fcuk.  Still, I went.   He was cute, witty, and I felt we were on the same page.  We liked one another enough to commit to bread.  Then, an additional glass, and with an additional glass and a half, the hunger kicks in. Before you know it, there’s a seafood tower obstructing the view of your date.  We drank more and ordered fries and a goat cheese tart. More wine.  Then, we finished off our shoreline, and suddenly we’re kissing on the sidewalk while he tries to hail me a cab. 

"Come meet my friends," he suggests.  I didn’t want to say goodbye yet. I’m having fun with my new friend.  We cab it to Chumley’s, which is soooo not my place.  For starters, their idea of a wine list is “red” or “white.”  Not, here’s our choice of reds, but “red wine.” I was agreeable, though, and ordered “red” because I was certain their idea of “white” was Chardonnay.  I met his friends, who are also agreeable.  Then, my date rubs my leg under the table, telling me he wants to be affectionate so I know how much he likes me.  It’s a beginner move, but it’s nice just the same.

Between conversations, where we side with one another against the group, he leans in and whispers that he can’t wait to make out with me.  And when everyone takes a nicotine break, that’s precisely what we do.  Then we left and went to the next place where everyone says we should go because they are going.  After an unsuccessful hour there, trying to get a table, we leave and get more watered down drinks at the next place. But we kiss well together, and his hands feel really good around my waist, so I break rules and agree to a second date on our first.

Which brings us back to Tuesday night.  He IMs saying he doesn’t quite have a plan.  I kind of want to kill him because he’s the boy, and this is his job.  I just want to have to look cute and be smart.  Despite knowing I live on the UWS, he suggests the LES, and when I hear Styvesant Street, I want to cancel.  "Look, sorry to be a brat, but I’m not trekking down to the LES."  Normally, I would have swallowed it, but come on, he should just know better.  He should suggest what’s convenient to me. "Well I know you work here, so what do you think of this place or that place."  That is ideal. "How about someplace citysearch gives one dollar sign that’s way out of your way? Sawdust is such a good time… keeps you grounded."  That was my date.

Normally, I’d just do it.  Instead, I pulled out the honesty via email… it’s so much easier to be brave when you’re hiding between well-constructed paragraphs. "So here’s the deal.  I’m a big believer that the man should treat the woman as if she’s the good china; he’s got to use both hands.  I believe in chivalry, in ‘can I pick you up’ vs. ‘Styvestant Street.’  I believe in a man treating me like I’m special, and when that happens, I’m all too willing to spring to “over the top,” let me give it back tenfold, position.  But when I don’t get it, I don’t stick around to respond to anything tenfold.  All I want to do is run." 

Abrasive, but honest. 
I should get a tee shirt made.

We circumvent the hurdle when he responds, "on a weekend, I’d leap at the chance to pick you up.  I’m having a tough day."  And when I hear, “tough day,” I think of what my father has said to me, more than once:  “Hey Steph, stop being such a ball-breaker.  People have tough days.  Take it easy.”  So the date hit a soft spot; I could do relaxed.   

I meet him at Cibar, which he says is "too fancy."

It was NOT fancy, unless fancy means they serve martinis in actual martini glasses.  It was a normal, good, first date place, for our second date.  There was no actual food served there… which is not such a good second date place. 

He’s one drink in when I arrive.  He looks the same, in an unzipped black cardigan sweater and jeans.  Cute, actually.  We have some drinks, and then the real fun begins.

"Stephanie, I could never really love a woman unless I lost her.  You know, I’m the type of guy who never realizes what I have until it’s too late, until it’s gone." 
In vino veritas?
In vino, heisanass.

Okay, so, that’s his way of telling me, he’s still not over one of several of his ex’s.  It’s also his way of telling me he’s a big baby boy.  I respond, I kid you not, with the following diatribe…

"Well this is the part where I ask for the check.”

“Come on.  Are you serious?”

“Quite.  You see, I believe people when they tell me who they are.  Clearly, you know you, way better than I ever could, so I’m going to take your word for it.  And, some boy who doesn’t know a great thing when he sees it, isn’t the guy for me. I hate to use the ‘I want a man not a boy’ line, but that’s me telling you who I am." 

“Oh, come on, at least go out with me one more time.”

“Um, we’re on our second date and we’re FIGHTING!  Don’t you think that tells us something?"

"It tells me that you’re smart.  I mean, we’re not fighting.  We’re having a discussion, and most of the girls I date don’t know how to do that."  Oh man, now I know what’s coming next.  "You know, cause I date a lot of gorgeous dumb girls."  Okay, I said he was cute; but he’s in no position to say he dates a lot of anything, never mind with the word gorgeous in it.

"Um, okay.  How’s that working out for you?"  Then I really did ask for the check.  He then tried to backpedal out of his statement, but the truth already slipped out when he was playing with the thin red straw in his nothing but ice now glass. 
"Please, just go out with me again."

"The only going out with you again will consist of going out to the street to get a cab so I can go home. Alone."

NEXT.

Comments

  1. Stephanie, that was a brilliant, brilliant post. Someone should be paying you enormous amounts of money for writing like that. The timing, dialogue, details… such a pleasure to read.

  2. The straw that broke the camel's back was "Stephanie, I could never really love a woman unless I lost her. You know, I’m the type of guy who never realizes what I have until it's too late, until it's gone."

    What kind of guy says that one? Nevermind, you already answered that. Good for you in sticking by your guns and not going out with him again. By the way, he probably loves you now.

  3. Wow. Reading this makes me nervous to date anyone. You did the right thing though. There's no reason for you to mess around if you're not interested. I don't know if I'll ever date again…

  4. Sweet Jesus! The guy merely says one tiny common phrase and you fire the missiles! Damn. More telling is his reaction to one of my favorite places (Balthazar) – if he's not in to that just from hearing the name, he's not for you given who you seem to be. Forget what he said – meaningless really. The guy who will be able to "act" the way you want probably goes to Pastis (but not on Sat.). Dating you is like playing golf; a difficult sport, a lot of rules, pastoral settings, fashion counts and there's a nice club house at the end.

    Here's some advice to you or your female readers:
    The kind of guy you are looking for is either a banker, lawyer or hedge fund guy – i.e., lives in city, knows where to go and what to do, makes enough money for your desired dating and other events. Frankly, if a girl says I want to go to Nobu, I won't sit on the phone all day trying to see if those morons pick up the damn phone. We are too busy to plan complicated events while working. Get it? 5 days much less 1 day notice is not enough time to get a res. a per se. Get it? You have to know people. You can't risk uncharted territory on a 1st date, but you may not have a month to get in to V. Dating is simple, but the planning totally sucks when one is trying to get deals done. It can be a full time job. If a guy is too good at all this and knows as much as is in this email, beware, becasue you might get what you wish for – a seasoned vetran.

  5. Good for you! I absolutely hate when people comment on how things are "too fancy." If it was really "too fancy" you'd be eating at the Royal Palace. Tell that boy to get some class next time he IMs you!

  6. Okay, I'm over it. You should teach classes. Can I take dating lessons from you?

    I agree a lot with what Dealmaker says. You're shooting for a very low percentage of the population. I'm sure you've found your share of the seasoned professionals.

  7. Well Stephanie, I love your bluntness. Being thrown back into the dating world has been a scary proposition for me, but it is a wonderful feeling that there are actually women out there that won't sugarcoat the bullshit. OK, I really hope that I am not a "heisanass", but it is refreshing to know that if a women doesn't like something I say or do, she might actually call bullshit on it! If only we could all be so painfully honest, perhaps dating wouldn't be such a "painintheass"!

  8. Abso-fucking-lutely.

    To Dealmaker: yes, it sounds like our hostess is probably looking for someone who makes more money and is more comfortable in nice restaurants. Fine. But as far as I'm concerned, the L only started flashing on this guy's forehead with that bullshit speech about how he only knows what he's got when… What an ass! No amount of income or savoir faire can overcome that. As I tell my girlfriends – if he tells you he's a jerk/broken/broken-hearted/lost – Don't pay any attention to how his bangs fall in his face so nicely as he says it. BELIEVE HIM. Then run like hell.

  9. First of all, the kind of guy that Stephanie wants to date (or should I say the tax bracket that she wants to date?) would have a secretary to make reservations for him. No self-respecting broker or attorney would waste his time on hold with Nobu (or Per Se or V or whatever).

    Second, Stuyvesant Street isn't on the LES. It's the stretch of 9th Street between 2nd and 3rd Avenues. In the East Village. There IS a difference.

    And finally, I understand the desire to live well but frankly having such a low tolerance for anyone that doesn't meet your rather pedestrian criteria is pretty much a guarantee that you will always live a very ordinary life. Nice shoes, good restaurants and expensive vacations are all wonderful but so. very. dull. when you don't bother to step outside of the bubble and experience the world.

    The guy sounds like a jerk, though.

  10. You know, reading this really convinced me that it's OK to NOT put up with immature assholes that think he's really something good. I've always had a lot of patience with guys that doesn't know how to treat a girl right, and I just realized that too much patience is not a virtue, but an invitation for a guy to walk all over me.

  11. Well, since you're no stranger to bluntness, I want to comment also that I agree with part of what Nikki said above. You did come across as a bit of a snob when you scoffed at the said jerk's lack of good taste and chic-ness in general. I mean, I see you as someone who wants to find real love, but in this entry, you sound jaded and materialistic. It's a bit depressing to read about the way you laughed at his cheap tricks and beginner moves and lack of suaveness. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with wanting a comfortable life, nice shoes, good dates in posh restaurants, etc. etc. I want those things too. But I hope those things don't outweigh more important things.

  12. Yeah, that sounds like a bad date. I think you totally busted him talking down to you.

  13. I have been on that date. Complete with confrontation! Well done. There is a smart man out there for you.

  14. Either you can find the Clit and G-Spot, or you can't. Fuck it, 2 destinations which many lads will never arrive, even with a map. Call me foolish with my brash approach. However, these American twats will never know your pleasure points. Ciao Love.

  15. "As I tell my girlfriends – if he tells you he's a jerk/broken/broken-hearted/lost – Don't pay any attention to how his bangs fall in his face so nicely as he says it. BELIEVE HIM. Then run like hell."

    Dana you're right on the mark. Regardless of any other shortcomings he may have had (real, perceived, materialistic, or having substance) he flat-out told her what to expect from him, if not now then at some point. Good on her for recognizing she doesn't want to play that particular game.

  16. you need a serious reality check. take a good look in the proverbial (meaning, not related to looks) mirror and figure out what kind of guy is going to want a woman like you (the comment about chardonnay was the one that put me over the edge). he may be rich, but he will 100% for sure be an asshole. OR, he will be a total pussy (since we are being blunt). Take your pick, my guess is you will take the rich asshole.

    and just a side note: you might want to actually learn the first thing about wine before you comment about it as if you are knowledgeable.

    to end on a positive, you are a good writer, sometimes one who forces metaphors and allusions, but nonetheless good.

  17. i'm just getting to know a girl. she's the m&m of dating. hard shell with soft interior. very sweet and gets stuck in your teeth a bit. i tread lightly as she might melt if i squeeze too hard. all in all, it comes down to her being good for my diet. fauchon or hershey's, it's all about personal taste.

  18. I think what Stephanie is trying to say in this post is that first impressions are always the most important. In today's society and times, we judge people very quickly. Because of that, we have to be at our best right away.

    The first date should be drinks. You don't know what she drinks, so it should be a nice place that has plenty of options. That means a place with more than two types of wine…a "red" or a "white". You should choose the place and you should make it convenient for her in case she wants to go home and get changed…after all she is trying to look her best for you too. You should pick her up or at least offer to (this depends on the woman if she will accept…that goes back to the whole independent thing). You should pay the bill (the gentlemanly thing to do and also so you don't look cheap). Also, you should never bring a woman out with your friends on a first date. You are taking her out to get to know you…not your friends.

    You don't necessarily have to break the bank to go out with Stephanie or any other woman. However, it doesn't mean you take them to a dive bar or crap restaurant either. She also isn't looking to go to Nobu, Per Se, or Jean Georges all the time. Yes, she wants the all the conveniences of good food, clothing, and wine. Who doesn't? However, that doesn't make her a materialistic and snobbish person. Besides, any guy who is willing to put himself in massive credit card debt to impress a woman with expensive restaurants all the time isn't going to win her heart either.

  19. I think Stephanie feels as though she's entitled to be a bit picky – she married one guy whom she (and everyone else) thought was perfect, and he turned out to be an absolute prick who put her through the sort of emotional wringer that you only really get to witness on the Oprah show. In the context of her first marriage, I'd say she's absolutely entitled to be selective when looking for a new partner. Sure, her list of pre-requisites and conditions can seem a little, well, intimidating, but I for one will continue to be entertained as I read about the ones she lets slip through her net.

    I've got to say, though, that I feel a bit sorry for Mr Heisanass. No doubt it felt good for Ms Klein to stand up to this guy and say out loud what it is that she really wants – few women have the intestinal fortitude to say such things, let alone the wit to think them up in the perfect moment, and I happily admit to being green with envy of that particular trait.

    But I can't help feeling that poor Mr H is hiding away somewhere, like a baby grizzly bear whose curiosity got the better of him and ventured a little too close to the trap and lost a snick of hide. It might be weeks before he builds up the courage to ask another woman out on a date. Poor bugger.

  20. Dealmaker nailed it!

    "Dating you is like playing golf; a difficult sport, a lot of rules, pastoral settings, fashion counts and there's a nice club house at the end."

    Now THAT it brilliant. Add this to that:

    "If a guy is too good at all this and knows as much as is in this email, beware, becasue you might get what you wish for – a seasoned vetran."

    So, so good. I couldn't have given any better advice, and I KNOW Stephanie.

  21. Brilliant Post!!! Especially loved the la Larry Hawaiian shirt comment….

  22. I like shiraz, petite syrahs, cab francs, sauvignon blancs from cold climates, a nice viognier. I hate oak. I'm a whiskey or wine kind of girl.

    On money: I've said this before. I supported someone through medical school, and I am not doing it again. When I go out, I don't want to not order what I want because I'm afraid he can't afford it. I'd rather pay for the whole thing myself than worry about his money. I can't handle being with a guy who's stressing over money. I also don't want to be with someone who can't afford to go out… because I like going out. Bottom line, though, when I find someone who makes me laugh, where I lose track of time, I'm happy sitting on the floor of my apartment, in our socks, playing cards. I'm happy telling stories at a bar with a great jukebox. But yeah, to get to that place with me, you have to show interest with both hands.

    As for the golf rules… I can't argue with you. I am like golf… minus a few holes. And, I'm VERY wary of the guys who walk around with score cards. I've been there and divorced that.

  23. I use the same template for every first date. Making pupu platter smores at Cosi, then dinner at the Blue Water Grill. By now, everything goes so smoothly that women ask if I "bring all my dates here?" Of course I lie and respond, "no."

    Then I meet the girl of my dreams who is in fact, a vegetarian. Having never been in, looked at, or thought about, any sort of veggie establishment, I had exactly no plan for our first date. It was absolute chaos. Yet the date lasted SEVEN hours and was, far and away, the most romantic of my life. We walked and talked and held hands. I'd never felt so witty and witless.

    Two days later we attended the met opera. We were late and had to watch the first act in the screening room. I considered it a disaster of biblical proportions. I've been an opera patron for years and I didn't even know that there was a screening room for punctuality deficient people.

    For the less cultured readers, the met offers subtitles for the linguistically challenged on the backs of the chairs. The screening room does not. However my date is fluent in french and understood enough Italian to translate for me, leaning in VERY close to whisper in my ear(oh my god she smelled yummy.)

    We had our third date the next day (two consecutive dates in so many days.) Once again I had NO plan because she'd text messaged me 20 minutes before we met saying that her plans for the evening had been canceled and if I would like to meet her after work.

    I did meet her, and with absolutely no plan. We just walked, finally ending up at Serendipity on the UES, all the while carrying on like the sickeningly lovey dovey couple that we all love to hate.

    I love Nobu, Cipriani, Gotham Grill, Union Sq. Cafe, Alain Ducasse, Daniel, 21 Club, etc. and dancing the night away at Marquee. But I know that I shouldn't need those places to impress the right girl.

    Miss Klein has rejected me many times on Jdate and match.com so I want to thank her for saving me $300 and three or four hours of my time.

  24. PS total damage for three dates (16 hours) was roughly $150- the equivalent of a two to three hour tasting menu date. I've sat through plenty of those and 50% of the time I'll walk away feeling like, "she wasnt worth it." im sure 90% of the women walk away thinking, "he's just using money to compensate for his height" bleh!

  25. Since we're all telling the dear author what we think…here is my two cents (worth less than that). I think all the men who read this entry, myself included, got a little upity about the cheap and poor comments in paragraph 2. Cheap on a date is bad. But I think poor, or not making a lot of money, is not necessarily bad. There are probably many eligible canidates that are teachers, social workers, non-profit etc… But I think the point the author was trying to make was not about how much $ her dates spend on her, but that they make an effort to show interest. That they be cordial and polite. Yes, the author has every right to be as selective as she wants. Then again, any asshole can take a lady to the expensive resturants and exclusive clubs. That's easy, all it takes is cash.

  26. Steph, I love your writing. I won't deny it. It is brilliantly written. But you are one hell of a food snob!! *wink* I think deep down you love a friday night binge eat on delivery pizza and cheap booze. (I won't go as far as instant Mac n' Cheese)
    I do however, give you props for trying a date despite their poor choice in a meeting place and lack of wine list.

    If you are ever in London, make reservations at "Sketch" on Conduit Street. (http://www.sketch.uk.com/) You will love it. ;)Shoot me an email if you are in the area. I will treat you!

  27. Midgetman –

    Three things:

    1) Good for you.
    2) Where'd you meet her?
    3) How did you get in to the opera for so little money? I took my mom and it set me back $220. Not that I minded — she did give birth to me and all. I'm just curious.

    And to Stephanie: LOVED the post. Eloquent as always. When friends ask why I'm still single, instead of my usual vague, half assed explanation I'll just send them a link to your post and say "because this is the kind of woman I meet."

  28. mamis,

    1. thank you.

    2. on the internet-i'm barely over five feet tall so i need to hide behind a computer. i feel obligated to mention here that this girl is ridiculously, insanely, "dont i know her from the movies, televisions or magazines?" hot. physically challenged men, dont dispair! (if you dont believe me, go see the movie Hitch)

    3. two ways to do budget opera. 1. have your old student ID handy and buy student tickets for 25 (50 for 2) they raised the age limit to 29 from 25. yay! Its possible to get seats as good as balance orchestra for $25 this way. 2. sit in the family circle. You really can see and hear everything this way. though not as impressive as the grand tier, do you really want to be dating a giant snob? During intermission you can always walk down two flights of stairs and hang out on the balcony with manhattan's big hitters. You can even splurge for champagne and a fruit pastry with all the money youve saved.

  29. You know, I agree with you Stephanie. It IS the man's job to make you feel that he is interested in you. He should ALWAYS treat you like you are special, and "use both hands". However, spending a lot of money on good wine or making reservations at the "right" place in the "right" location, doesn't mean that he thinks you are special.

    You are obviously able to take care of yourself and make yourself feel special all by yourself.

    You should try to find someone who can offer you something unique. Someone who can run his hands through your hair after YOU have had a tough day.

    You might be letting a lot of really decent men get away just because they may not be in a financially secure place at the moment.

    Don't settle, but perhaps give some of these guys a bit more of a chance.

  30. " I am like golf… minus a few holes." HAHAHAHA thats funny. the thing about golf is.. just when you think you're getting good at it, it puts you back in your place.

  31. I appreciate all the love and support ya'll, and from a person that "knows" said blogger too.

    And Nikki, leave my great assistant (as she prefers to be called) out of this – she makes any res. I want, but I'm not such an asshole that I would make her deal with Nobu, or so helpless that I can't do it too. Should she get me coffee too? Besides, I have deals to do and need her for that (so I can pay for all these damn dates – remember?).

    To the blogger – I have a scorecard – it's called my fairly recent past, but when you find the right one, you stop keeping score, forget about who's winning or losing, and just play. If I were to date you, I think I'd have to keep score. Four!

    PS. The fact that you despise oak in wine may redeem everything I know about you.

  32. i would buy a t-shirt!

    beautiful story(telling)

    way to stick to your convictions.

    corny as it is, more women should model their (dating) actions after yours

  33. "The kind of guy you are looking for is either a banker, lawyer or hedge fund guy – i.e., lives in city, knows where to go and what to do, makes enough money for your desired dating and other events."

    Hey Steph, that was excellent. BTW, I'm one of those guys Dealmaker says you all are looking for… only sorry I'm taken. Married over 10 yrs and very happy.

    But when I met my dear wife, many moons ago, I was but a poor, clueless, immature fathead like the guy you dumped in that very excellent story. In fact, my girl dumped me after a couple of dates too – cause I said really stupid things. She just would not let me get away with that sort of crap. I got the equivalent of "check please". Only I was able to claw my way back into her heart to get a second chance. Which I promptly blew, only to have to go crawling back for a third, and a fourth…. I think you see a pattern here.

    Anyhow, I am now fully house-broken. I remember anniversaries, I shower her with jewels, gifts, and flowers without prompting. I take her to Balthazar (our fav) or anywhere she wants eat go without question. I sometimes surprise her with breakfast in bed before dashing off to work. I want to know how her day went. I love her without question and now know how lucky I am – and most of the time I think she feels lucky too, except for the fact that I am not around enough owing to professional demands, as Dealmaker already aptly described.

    So, anyway what's my point? Sometimes you just gotta give a young guy a chance. I was a diamond in the rough. Fortunately, I knew somewhere in the deep inner recesses of my brain and heart that what I needed was somebody like her – somebody who could say "grow up", somebody who could completely see thru all my games. And fortunately, she saw some potential. Anything worthwhile takes work. I know you gals want your guy to be completely house-trained before you take delivery of him, but you are shooting for the moon. By the time a guy gets to that point, he knows he is such hot stuff that he either no longer wants to give up being single or his standards have become so totally over the top, that only about 0.01% of you need even apply.

    It's a vicious catch-22. Think about it.

  34. "The kind of guy you are looking for is either a banker, lawyer or hedge fund guy – i.e., lives in city, knows where to go and what to do, makes enough money for your desired dating and other events."

    Hey Steph, that was excellent. BTW, I'm one of those guys Dealmaker says you all are looking for… only sorry I'm taken. Married over 10 yrs and very happy.

    But when I met my dear wife, many moons ago, I was but a poor, clueless, immature fathead like the guy you dumped in that very excellent story. In fact, my girl dumped me after a couple of dates too – cause I said really stupid things. She just would not let me get away with that sort of crap. I got the equivalent of "check please". Only I was able to claw my way back into her heart to get a second chance. Which I promptly blew, only to have to go crawling back for a third, and a fourth…. I think you see a pattern here.

    Anyhow, I am now fully house-broken. I remember anniversaries, I shower her with jewels, gifts, and flowers without prompting. I take her to Balthazar (our fav) or anywhere she wants eat go without question. I sometimes surprise her with breakfast in bed before dashing off to work. I want to know how her day went. I love her without question and now know how lucky I am – and most of the time I think she feels lucky too, except for the fact that I am not around enough owing to professional demands, as Dealmaker already aptly described.

    So, anyway what's my point? Sometimes you just gotta give a young guy a chance. I was a diamond in the rough. Fortunately, I knew somewhere in the deep inner recesses of my brain and heart that what I needed was somebody like her – somebody who could say "grow up", somebody who could completely see thru all my games. And fortunately, she saw some potential. Anything worthwhile takes work. I know you gals want your guy to be completely house-trained before you take delivery of him, but you are shooting for the moon. By the time a guy gets to that point, he knows he is such hot stuff that he either no longer wants to give up being single or his standards have become so totally over the top, that only about 0.01% of you need even apply.

    It's a vicious catch-22. Think about it.

  35. Hey Steph,

    I just noticed your post-story response. Funny, my lady had just divorced from a brief but highly problematic marriage when I stumbled across her path. Maybe that's when women are able to really define what they will put up with and when they just don't have any more patience for too much BS. You seem to have that same totally decisive "get out of my way if you're not the one" kinda cut thru the crap attitude that she did (and still does).

    BTW, on the issue on money. My wife enjoys the finer things in life, but she didn't marry me for money – she couldn't have – I didn't have any and I was heavily in debt. On the other hand, I just can't imagine her with a regular guy, given the kinds of things she enjoys (like you). I asked her once, "What if I never really made anything of myself… would you still be happy with me". Her response was, "I never would have married you if I didn't know for certain you'd be very successful some day." So I was like "Whoa, how did you know that???" (cause believe me when I tell you, it was not apparent to anybody but her). She just said "Cause I could tell."

    It is nice to have somebody believe in you that way.

  36. Actually, Stuyvesant is quite a nice street, and not on the LES. There's are two wonderful hidden bars there that have wonderful wine lists and the best cocktails (and mixologists) I've ever experienced. It's an itty-bitty street and each place there is wonderful. Sorry you missed out on it.

  37. shit, i think i went out with this guy for about a year. steph, what exactly did he look like?

  38. Oh my God!
    I loved your writing…. at first. Well, I still the writing. BUT. The more of it I read, the more I think of you as a superficial, bossy and quite frankly obnoxious person. As someone else said, no wonder you are single. This post was just ridiculous but I got the same feeling reading your various lists of "reasons not to date a guy". Not appetizing. AT ALL. I heard you – you put someone through medical school, blah, blah, blah. And of course you do have the right to ask for what you want. I WANT TO EAT AT $$$$$ RESTUARANTS!!!! I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEMAND THIS! Yes you do. But this all makes you sound like a juvenile, ordinary and disappointing person (I heard your reasons, still). Gosh, the snotty City Search references….. I do feel sorry for you. You remind me of my cousin – smart, cute, very funny. Everyone likes her at first. And that's the end of it. It's just sad – people who can be your friends have to fit a certain mold. And why do the guys need to make all the plans? That always struck me as a lame, lame thing when a girl says that. Why? Why should you not hold him as a precious cup? And I'm a girl. Loosen up, quit having these stupid rules and quit being so righteous. It's really annoying. And it's not hurting ME in the end.

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