earning potential

Who knew the hot new gay club was the Villa Chauvin hair studio opening on 23rd street?  I did.  So my single girlfriends came in tow, ready to flirt for free hair glossing and highlights.  Flirting with a gay man consists of complimenting his ass, and throwing in a “he was so checking you out” for good measure.   My friends mingled with a straight (and very much in gay demand) Patrick McMullen photog.  It was all friendly drunken flirting with men in leather pants who coif the New York select.  Hair stylists, dear reader, are the secret keepers of New York. I was determined to find someone sloppy.  Sadly, the closest I got was, “Monica is very open.  She spilled it all in this very chair.”  Okay, so it wasn’t that chair.  Still, women are apt to share their most intimate secrets with their hairdressers.  “If you trust him with your hair, you trust him with your life.” 

Toasts have been made with plastic-filled very strong drinks, involving, “We will each French kiss a boy tonight.  And if the clock strikes three, and no tongues have mingled, I don’t care if you grab a stranger and lip lock him into a corner.  This shite is on ladies, and very real.”  Who the fcuk says “French Kiss” anymore?  It’s right up there with Max Headroom and the hand job.  Still, the bet is on, and the retro French Kiss is due for a vintage moment in our very fashionable near future.  Well, that is, once we leave the salon.

At another bar, full of jappy girls and preppy boys, while I’m checking my coat, my friends encounter a Harvard idiot.  “You ladies picked a good night.  There’s lots of earning potential here.”  Ew.  Who the fcuk are you?  I get word that Kent with a “t” has splashed his nonsense along with his gin and tonic.  Now it’s my turn.

“Are you the infamous Kent with a ‘t’?”  He’s preppy and blonde, standing erect, as he smiles.  He thinks this is flirting.

“Why yes, I am.  And who, may I ask, are you?”

“Not an idiot.  Nice to meet you.”  I’m drunk and feisty.  It happens from time to time.  “So, Kent with a ‘t,’ word has it there’s good earning potential here tonight, huh?”

“Oh yeah.”  He then nods to his two buddies, raising a glass.  The boys club has come to order, and the clinking of their clear drinks is the gavel.  “You ladies have lots of Harvard-educated Goldman Saches boys to choose from tonight.  Lot’s of earning potential.Oh yeah.”  What the fcuk?

“Well Kent, lemme ask you a question.”  I grab his dick with my free hand.  “How much earning potential is a half roll of quarters these days?  I haven’t been up on the markets lately.”  Oh yes, I did.

“Oh, I like her.”  His buddy interjects.  Kent with a ‘t’ turns red and scampers away. 

“Your friend is a dick boys.”  They laugh and stare at my tits. 

Then, Kent returns, with, “Okay, let me ask you a question.”

“Go for it.”  I stare.

“Did you get here tonight over the bridge or through a tunnel?”  Kent laughs at his joke, eyeing his friends for approval in laughs.  He’s clearly the type of guy who comes up with his own nickname and tells people to call him by it.  Ken-dog.

Then I interject my retard laugh, very loudly.  “Wow, man, you’re so clever.  You took all this time to think that one up?  I orgasm faster than that.  Damn, Kent, you made a fool of me; I didn’t know you could get honors in retarded at Harvard.  Your parents must be so proud.” 

Then, we ladies all made good on our bet.  Kent didn’t get any action; you know, if you don’t count the cheap quarter thrill in the last inning.  I went home alone, smiling, despite the Kent’s of the world.



  1. Rest assured, thanks to his buddies, Kent will be living down the "Manhattan Missile Crisis" at Harvard reunions for years to come… and it won't be because of that snappy comeback he probably stole from his little sister, either!

    Score one more for Our Faithful Heroine!

  2. I second Jessica. I think that was one of the most vivid, raw entries I've ever seen.

    I'm glad I caught a glimpse before it disappeared.

  3. "I didn’t know you could get honors in retarded at Harvard." I absolutely love it!

    How sad- the guy actually had to walk away with his bruised manhood to formulate that pathetic 5th grade comeback?!? You'd expect more from someone with a shiny, polished Harvard degree. What a sad little person to have to resort to stuff like that just so he can soothe his humilitated, fragile ego.

    God, how fun would it be to hang out with you on one of your "feisty" nights, just to be able to see it in person- I'd like to even have 1/10th of the chutzpah you seem to have!

  4. Why is it that when you get drunk and feisty, you always go grabbing a guy's dick? What would happen if a guy grabbed you in that area…can you say jail time? I am not suggesting that you should go to jail; but if that really happened, then it is time to grow up and just walk away. I know we all have a little too much to drink that we want to put people like Kent in their place. However, verbally is more than enough. There are a million Kents in the world and we encounter them everyday. Remember, you are 29 years old and much better than that, why should you stoop to his level.

    By the way, who is Sam and what post did I miss?

  5. Damn, Tom. You beat me to it. I was going to say that if a guy grabbed Stephanie in her most private of areas (or even her second most private of areas) under similar circumstances, he could (and should) expect a punch in the face, a trip to jail, or both. Double standard, in full effect.

    The more I read Stephanie's blog, the more I realize that she is, at the same time, a man's wildest dream and worst nightmare.

    My question is: What would our lovely web hostess have done if – when she reached for "little Kent" with a "t" – she grabbed a roll and a half of quarters, instead of a just a half? She'd probably be singing the Harvard fight song, while enunciating the "t"s! Feisty, feisty, Ms. Klein; you couldn't be sexier if you tried.

  6. I'm right behind Tom on this one. I will posit that there is a third one, which is the intelligent, who knows he/she's intelligent, yet doesn't have to tell people. If Harvard does get mentioned, it's usually relatively shyly. I'd like to believe that I'm one of those, but by having done so and trying to redeem those who graduated from our illustrious institution, I seem to have slammed myself, full-force, right into the former category.

    At any rate, Stephanie, please forgive those of us who AREN'T Kent.

  7. Why would I make this up? Kelly and Amy now need to testify. Amy B. get on the commenting… do it girl. Erica? Kelly? Girls? Who has my back???

  8. I've got your back, I think it's hilarious. Do you think that Kent went home and cried into his pillow because some red head felt him up? NO!!! And, I'm sure by next week he'll be telling his harvard buddies about the hot chick who grabbed his dick in a bar because she was soooo into him and his "earning potential". (I can't believe someone actually said that, by the way)
    If this had been a story of a nice, sensitive boy who you humiliated in a bar, I would've said that you're an ass and you should grow up. It wasn't, it's not, you rock.
    end. of. story.

  9. Amen!

    The little guy had it coming…er Was asking for it. Makes you wonder… what the hell did he say to get dates at Harvard?? Must've been a lonely four years…

  10. I am not saying that it is not funny. The point is that you shouldn't have done it no matter what kind of guy he is. It is harrassment and it doesn't make a difference whether he enjoyed it or not. I am sure he will tell all his friends that this hot redhead grabbed him there, but that doesn't make it ok.

    Steph, what would you do if the table was turned and someone grabbed you and made a comment about your 34Cs?

  11. i understand what you're saying tom. and, yes, maybe the high road should be taken by more people, more often. but, can we really compare stephanie grabbing a cock (literally and figuratively) in a bar to a man grabbing a woman? no. the guy was neither scared nor humiliated and…he came back for more!!!

  12. Hey, yea…what happened to the Sam post? I'm bummed.

    Anyway…your encounter was a bit like the female vrrrrasion of the Harvard Bar scene in "Good Will Hunting."

    I see, by the way, that Matt Damon has posted already.


  13. Steph…you never stop amazing me. But as they always say, be careful for what you wish for. There are a lot of nuts..I mean crazy people in the city and I am sure some of them read your blog. So you might not want to make that one too public.

  14. Kent sounds like the kind of person who would bet on a mule in a horse race and have you sign a prenup agreement in the event he wins. Maybe that's #49 on your list.

  15. i wonder if Kent with a T has a blog.. it'd be funny to hear his version of the story : "went to the bar and totally got a hand job by this hottie…" haha

  16. If you ever grabbed my dick, I'd punch you in the mouth so hard you wouldn't know what hit you. How'd you like it if some drunk retard decided to feel if your tits were real at a bar? Would you appreciate it? No… you'd call the police and blog about it. Face it.. your 15 mins are up.. you're a nothing.. your bullshit doesn't impress anyone.

  17. Really Scott? You'd punch a woman in the mouth so hard she wouldn't know what hit her?

    Is that what big, brave men do?

    Do you also puff out your chest?

    I'd much rather call the police, and so fucking what if Stephanie or any other woman blogged about it? How does that affect you or your dick?

    So much for abusive men, and you wonder why battered women's shelters exist. I pity the poor woman who marries or is married to you.

  18. Why did you remove the 'rat pack' post about Sam? I liked it enough to save it and also print it out. Just put it back up. Why would it get you in trouble?

    Scott, Maria has a very good point. I would even go so far as to say there are devastating comebacks that Ken should not have availed himself of even if he knew them. Sometimes it's better to accept the ramifications of one's foolishness than to up the ante and try to get the last word in. The world is not about safeguarding appearances at any cost. That's not fat passing as thin, but lies passing as truth.

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