the unconscionable neighbor

A few things. There’s been some back and forth book drama and headaches and not enough sleep, but I’m fine. In a crazed, still-adjusting, holy airbags, did I really just cut someone off in the B’nai Israel morning drop-off? I have been earmarked for jail. (I’m so so sorry! I didn’t realize I was in the carpool lane and not the park lane). When I tell you I spent the day (half the day) feeling sick over it, I’m not exaggerating.

Now then…

One of my neighbors came *this close* to running Lucas down with her golf cart (she was gunning it down THE SIDEWALK). She looked mid-50’s and manic. Apparently, her dog had wandered off and she was searching the neighborhood for him (she found him, called security, and then came careering down the sidewalk). I saw her. Lucas was standing outside the passenger side of my car. Abigail was climbing into her seat (which is passenger side). Lucas sprung out to come around to the driver side, where his seat is, and that’s when she slammed on the brakes and screamed, “ARE YOU FCUKING KIDDING ME?!” And I just stood there, my mouth, I’m sure, hanging. I was shaking and hugging Lucas. She said nothing else, no, is he okay, or I’m so sorry.

Stop. Think about this. Had you almost accidentally run over a four year old while driving, wouldn’t you, I dunno, stop, get out, make sure he’s okay? Say something without the word fcuk?

No. She rode off into the sunset. And I called the Home Owners Association. And by I, I mean Phil.

And that would be a no. Driving on sidewalks with golf carts is NOT permitted. In case you were siding with the runaway neighbor.

Boca Raton, Woodfield Country Club


  1. Holy crap that is scary! She sounds like a complete mindless idiot!
    I hope life gets ‘friendlier’ in your neighbourhood, & soon.


    1. Agreed. I’m not from Florida, but I can’t think of any state that allows motor vehicles on sidewalks. Most cities consider bicycles vehicles and you can’t even ride a bike on the sidewalks legally.

  2. Stephanie – First, Im glad Lucas is okay! Second, that lady is a total “B-I”…Thirdly, I wonder if these things are happening to you in preparation for another book? You have all the makings of another great book, as these events in your new home unfold. Again, glad your Kind Sir is okay : )


  3. What a rotten neighbor! I understand being frantic over a missing pet, but to not even get an apology or an ” are you ok?” is just plain shameful. What was the response when Phil called the homeowners association?

  4. Maybe she read your previous post bitching about unfriendly neighbors, so she upped it a notch…

    1. Anon get a life! It is NEVER ok to scare or cause undue harm to a child. Stephanie take the “bull by the horns” and do whatever it takes to protect your children.

  5. I’m so glad I don’t work there anymore. I would have gotten Phil’s call and would have had to explain to him that the HOA cannot deal with disputes that don’t involve property and that for violations like this you’d have to call security instead and then he would have gotten mad at me and then at the same time on the other line the woman in the golf cart would be calling and screaming at me that her her new neighbors, those renters, let their kids run wild all over the neighborhood like wild animals and that there should be rules about that and somehow it would become all my fault and then another neighbor would call about the lost dog and an alligator would show up on the golf course again. Then I would have blogged all about it.

  6. Please tell me you’ll be writing a book about Florida. There’s too much crazy for Carl Hiaasen and Dave Barry to handle it all!

    1. Author

      I think I need to write a book about Texas first. You know, chicken shit bingo, pet silkies, my neighbor showing up at my front door carrying a shotgun. But… I could always sell the books in together to the publisher. You know, first this book, then that. Help with a Florida title…

      1. he he he, you could call the Florida book “are you F*cking kidding me?” LMAO!!!

      2. I think your crazy golf cart neighbor just gave you the title to your book. That is stunning. Absolutely stunning.

  7. Does it not occur to you, or you and Phil to go to her and challenge her appalling behavior? So it was a near a miss, do you have to wait for someone to spit in your face before you stick up for yourself? People do and get away with the most unimaginable crap on a day to day- minute to minute basis. While I hardly think every little incident deserves to be challenged or fodder for a flame war. Why would you two allow her to get away with nearly mowing down your son and cursing- on shout? I am a laid back, urbane, socially acceptable person. Yet, had that happened to a member of my family, it would have been addressed. You won’t make anymore friends being the doormat then you will being the rabble rouser. FYI. When haughty entitled ‘TUDES are left unchecked they grow….Don’t feed the animals Stephenie, you’ve got more spirit then that.

  8. I’ve got dibs on the Florida book, at least for now. I’ve been here for eleven years after all and had to work in that HOA. I’m sure Stephanie will be able to come up with a great Florida book too though and I’m excited for the Texas book first.

  9. I wonder if anyone described the redhead in the carpool lane as looking manic. How does one look manic? Flustered or frantic, sure. Manic? I don’t believe the DSM has a physical description of manic. It’s a series of behaviors, not appearance.

    That aside, surely glad Lucas is fine. I’d also confront the woman and let her know that driving on the sidewalk is disallowed, according to the HOA. I’d add that as much as I love my dog, mowing down a child wouldn’t facilitate my search for my beloved dog.

  10. I can imagine how upset you are and I am also glad Lucas is OK. I am just wonderign what the other woman was thinking? The reason I ask is because I witnessed something the other day which scared the heck out of me.

    I was waiting for a bus, it was 4:30AM and pitch black outside. A bus was leaving the platform and was driving probably 10-15 mph, a little boy, maybe 5-6 years old started running right at the front of the bus, I think he was going to try and stop the bus and run in front of it, I almost had a heartattack and I screamed for him to stop, he stopped, the bus stopped, everyone within 15 miles stopped! A woman finally appeared, approximately 30-40 yards behind the child, she ran up to the child who was at this point crying because I yelled stop at him. She looked at me and started yelling at me that I traumatized her child! I was in shock, the bus driver, who came off the bus and was shaking also corrected the woman and said she couldn’t even see the child and could have easily hit him. The woman saw nothing wrong with what happened. Different view points.

  11. You have moved into the armpit of hell. And by that, I mean the worst of the five towns, Roslyn, and Dix Hills rolled into one. I think those neighborhoods collectively decided to ship their most obnoxious residents on the same charter plane to Boca.

  12. I’ve already started a book on Boca – been here 30+ years and working in the industry I’m in – boy do I have stories!!! The only thing is most people would think I made them up.

  13. What a horrible woman! I know this is a temporary house for your family and I hope when you finally settle in, it’s in a much nicer community. For now, be wary of these jerks. Thank goodness, Lucas is ok.

  14. That read to me like she was flying down the sidewalk in her golf cart after finding her dog. Not that it’s ok in either scenario to drive like that, it just makes it even more obnoxious. Glad your little boy is ok.

  15. So glad Lucas is ok.
    Time to plot the perfect revenge. Is there some way to execute the perfect crime and sabotage that golf cart without any way to prove it was you? Or maybe you could figure out a way to leave something on the sidewalk that would function as a vicious speed-bump for 4 wheeled vehicles… if nothing else, I feel a little better after playing criminal mastermind. But seriously, she’s got some karma careening her way.

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