At Least Some of Us Know Where The Sidewalk Begins
Not everyone knows where the sidewalk ends, or where it begins for that matter. Sorry, but I have a neighbor who’s a complete hole, ass and otherwise. Before I even go there, may I just spew?
Good.
People in South Florida are rude. There. My sweeping generalization is out—perhaps not entirely accurate, but it feels accurate. No, the rude isn’t isolated to Boca or confined to the private roads of Woodfield Country Club. The rude is here, there, and everywhere. On the airplane she’ll force her way past your row, reaching for her overhead luggage, irritated as shite that your drag-ass won’t make way for her hefty sack of impatient-fcuk. Parking lot? Blinkers are just that: nothing more than blinks. Lines? Yes, excluding laugh lines, they’re everywhere, and if there’s any confusion over who’s next, an extension of a hand with a simple, “Please, after you,” never will you see. Neighbors you say? Not a single baked nibble, not a welcome basket, nor a single knock-knock welcome. Nary a warm hand gesture in sight. Not even a WAVE from a next door neighbor.
I wave to all of them, every person I see on my street, and they look at me as if I’m wearing a tampon up my nose. I walk toward them, offering a smile, ready to introduce myself. Know what I get? He slips into his car, door shuts. She nods, then heads inside. They close their garage door. We are “the renters,” which apparently is the equivalent to a kick me sign. But, in truth, I’m guessing most of the neighbors have no idea if we’re renters or owners, or even, dare I say, new to the community. I’m guessing most of them have never met. They do not wave to one another as their cars pass. Everyone seems closed. Know what I’m going to do? I’m going to fatten ’em all up with sugar and kindness.
Pile of nut-free, gluten-free, brownies on each and every front door, with a note attached. “Thought we’d introduce ourselves since you didn’t fcuking bother. Enjoy!”
Know what? The nit and grit of this sidewalk story will have to wait until tomorrow’s post because now I have too much baking to do.
