All I want to do is sing Annie songs and play Barbie. This means I’m going to have two boys. Brothers. Instead of feather boas and nail polish, there will be dump trucks and Spiderman. Who came up with this name? Dump trucks. I know they dump dirt and gravel and other manly outdoor things. But they had to put "dump" in the name? This will take some getting used to. Yesterday I received an email containing a photo of a redheaded boy with a frog in his mouth. The next photo: three boys peeing in garden pots. Boys are rambunxious. You take them outside, a simple walk to the car, and they don’t just walk. They dig up rocks or find sticks and decide to throw them. They’re happiest destroying things. How do "balanced" Libra mothers have sons?
No. We don’t know if they will be boys or girls. Last time we saw the gupps, we insisted we didn’t want to know the sex(es). “But, if we did want to know,” Phil started in with the technician, “can you tell?”
“Oh, I can tell,” she said. Okay. No more questions! But her whole, “Oh, I can tell,” sounded like they were well-hung boys. Dear lord. Shut up. No more questions! “May I ask,” he continued, “can you tell if they’re identical or fraternal.” This was the evil question.
Because she wasn’t thinking, she took a moment, and responded, “We won’t be able to tell until they’re born.” This killed me. If she’d seen a boy and girl in there, she would have replied, “Fraternal.” But given that she must have seen two of the same sex, she said that she couldn’t tell if they were identical. This meant I would not be having one of each, which kind of made my whole body sigh. I’m assuming they’re fraternal. It’s just much more likely. I have two placentas, one lower right, one top left. They’re taking over the place.
Throughout the rest of our exam, both she and the doctor (who came in later) used the “his” pronoun. “See his hand there?” Doh! I will of course be happy with two healthy babies, especially with all I’ve heard about everything that can go wrong. I also HAVE to say that. Intellectually, of course I’ll be happy, tears of joy, oh my God, happy. In the moment, once they come, I really won’t care. But in that moment, I was a tad bit disappointed when I learned I wouldn’t have anyone with which to play Barbie. I want to braid hair and play dress up and to have beauty parlor night, the way I had with my mother and sister, all of us in our towels, snuggling with foot massages. I’m such a girl. I’ll so end up having two boys. And they can sense it when you’re disappointed. That’s what the crap books say. In the moment, when they’re born, hopefully healthy, disappointment isn’t an emotion I imagine I could ever feel. But I’m not delivering for a few months. And dammit, feelings don’t know right from wrong.
A friend of mine just gave birth to a girl, and she, too, didn’t want to know the sex beforehand. She swore the doctors used “his” all the time. So who knows. We don’t. We just assume we’re not having one of each, thanks to all of his probing questions in the “we don’t want to know, but we want to think we know” game. So what are the advantages to having two boys? I guess boys don’t grow up hating their mothers, well at least not for the same reasons girls do. What’s the advantage for a girly girl in having two more "his" around? And if anyone tries the whole, "why are you looking for advantages? Don’t you know how lucky you are? It’s not about YOU!?" I say, go play in another playground. None of this is rational. And of course! I’ll be happy. I’m just being honest.
