i’m not drunk

In ALL, DRUNKEN BLOGGING by Stephanie Klein49 Comments

I feel like getting drunk right now, but I fear it’s too early to start drinking.  It’s 4:05 in the afternoon.  This is where writers get into trouble I suspect.  I’m creating the drunken category now, where I’ll file all posts that I’ve written while soused, mostly so I can compare my writing styles.  I’m more emotional when I drink, more combative, and more emotional.  It’s not just the use of alcohol that influences my writing.  It’s the use of drama, apparently.

I’ve been accused, for example, of picking fights just to have something to feel sad about.  When I’m sad, I have a lot to say to the page.  When I’m happy, all I’ve got to write about is my dog, bookstores, and food.  If this is true, then I’m destined to be a dramatic drunk who’ll die alone with a dog and good food.  I could think of worse things, but since I’m sober, they won’t be any good. 


  1. "I'm destined to be a dramatic drunk who'll die alone with a dog and good food."

    Don't forget us, you'll also have your readers.

  2. Have a mimosa… then you won't feel as bad. :)

    p.s. We bought our tickets to NYC! I'm so freakin' excited to see the city at Christmas time. And also, I am a giant touristy dork. Any tips on how to blend in? I'll already be wearing a lot of black. :P

  3. Hmm, I like the combative emotional Stephanie. So I suggest you have one of my famous bloody marys!

    You can always tell I'm a bit buzzed when I'm writing my blog—-typos typos tyosp–ooops. ;)

  4. once yr in yr 30's you should be able to drink whenever, wherever, whatever you please. actually as a writer that was always true! Enjoy ; )

  5. It's not the time when you start, it's more the scenery… as in dont start drinking at home (unless you've already walked the dog…)

  6. I am in Manhattan, on the Upper West Side at the news station where I work.. The newscast is over and, after the day I just had, I am headed directly home to pour myself an ice cold shot of Yagermeister. I too, am a dramatic drunk..a sad, sloppy drunk..liquor=liquid nostalgia.. I often delete ex boyfriends phone numbers from my cell before imbibing.. hoping perhaps, that I'll be too drunk to remember the digits when I try to drunk dial later. I am hooked on your blog now.. Proud to be a woman when I read your words, yet jealous that you write so much better.. Keep it up!

  7. It is after noon,so go find yourself a bottle of Grey Goose, and go lightly on the olives.

    Trust me-your men(including Linus) will thank you later.

    PS-either that, or go to the local, buy yourself a nice Jo-berg from Washington state(Chateau Ste Michelle), turn on some jazz, and stare at the cieling. It's kinda like that Sydney Freidman advise from MASH-"When the going gets tough, take my advise: Pull down your pants, and slide on the ice", but in a little less demonstrative manner.

  8. it's 4 o'clock on the west coast and i'd kill for a drink about now. go forth and quaff and get emotional and combative if you feel like it! enjoy.

  9. Hey now, it's always 3pm somewhere in the world!(Something I tell myself when I feel like drinking,) And I have to agree with the emotions, how you feel and how the intensity of those emotions affect your writing. Go with the flow girl, sometimes ya just gotta go with it and say, "What the fcuk!" Besides your writing isn't about how others will feel… You write from the heart, past tense and present tense: regardless of the outcome or reaction from others.

  10. Wayyyy too funny when I read the comments from others…
    A good martini with Grey Goose vodka AND with the bleu cheese stuffed olives, thank you! Let those soak for a few mins in the martini!!! YUM YUM!!! Yes, yes, it will yield an evening of fun.
    Who the fcuk cares what others think anyway!

  11. Regarding your pic…Follow your heart… Color or B/W you look great! Keep them all guessing. It adds to the mystery of you and what experiences compel you to write the way the way you do,,, the heck with them all…

  12. I'm right there with you on wanting a drink, but I'm still at work. Have one for both of us. It's good for you. And, after all, it IS your birthday month. It might help you decide on the menu, as well.

  13. I think I'm a gin martini girl, actually. Ever since the episode with the NY Ranger game and the vodka, I've been off the stuff. *you can do a search on this site and find the story.

    Tonight I did sangria and gumbo, fresh cornbread, crayfish, and lots of shrimp. More sangria. Now I'm in bed, pre-9pm, working on a chapter, wishing I were still drinking.

  14. I hate myself when I get drunk, which is all to frequently. Not only do I pick verbal fights, I have actually also picked two fistfights in the past.

    Sorry for the me, me, me, when I should be talking about you.

  15. I do vodka for the same reasons you do gin! I happen to love gin, but it doesn't always like me, hence the vodka. But I have to admit a good gin martini or gin and tonic would suit me fine once in a while.

  16. I have drank a lot of sangria in my life, and I have come to the conclusion that sangria makes me pretty mischevious-I tend to commit acts of civil disobediance when I drink sangria. And to top it all off, I tend to be really, really irreverant twards everybody-I have a real f–k all attitude when I am pissed on sangria. Now lambrusco, I get really poetic and way too demonstratively "in the mood", according to my last girlfriend, when I have had a bottle or 3 of lambrusco. But it is way too sweet for my pallet at this point in my life-I just stick with merlot or shiraz. Or another great trick for relaxation-take a nice cab or merlot, drink half of the glass and then take a shot of Stoli and dump it in. The resulting ambrosia is lovingly called a "Natalia"-I have a friend who briefly dated Natalie Wood(he was a male model back in the day, had a cover of GQ,ect-you would have loved him.). She liked vodka, but her publicist didn't want the world to know that she drank vodka, so she would order the socially acceptable glass of red at dinner, and somebody else would order a shot of vodka. She would finish half a glass, dump in the vodka, and enjoy the balance. I guess that she could down 7 or 8 of these things.Now, for those of us who's liver is still pink, if you can drink more than 3 of these, you are doing damn good. It will relax you to the point of silly, and it is one helluva broken heart cure.

    Found this out the hard way……

  17. I really don't understand why everyone finds drinking and getting drunk so amusing, wonderful, charming, "fun", classy, grown up or anything else.

    What is so wrong with your life that you need to get drunk so much? I drink occassionaly but never get drunk like you have written about in so many of your posts.

    What possesses you to drink to that extreme? I just don't get it. I think getting drunk is an excuse for people to use to cover their stupid behavior or something they wouldn't do if they weren't drunk.

    Absolutely lame.

  18. I, too, pick fights when I'm drunk just to make myself (or someone else) cry. Love drama.
    However, even when I'm sad I still write happy. I tend to cover the sad with the happy. This is something I am really working hard to change.

    Toast to your new 'drunken' category.

  19. i think the picture is great. there is an edge to it. very mona lisa…is she smiling? is she sad? that's the beauty of it, the ambiguity.

  20. They say, "happiness writes white." This means the good stuff doesn't show on the page. Not like the tears, the pain, the hopelessness. Well with a good writer, the hapiness shows. It shows up as a flaw, an absence, a void in the fundamental workings of the universe. Just fall in love and be done with it. I AM SENOR NUMBNUTS.

  21. Fcuk it…drink. Why do you think notebooks have extra thick covers? Coaster, hello?!? No more freebies!

  22. I used to drink a lot during university, that was the funniest period of my life! But, you know what? Alcohol means calories!!
    ..better smoking pot!! (if you're not close to food)

  23. a few appropriate quotes (two include the word "poems", but i think they are just as apropos to "prose")…
    "the few bad poems which occasionally are created during abstinence are of no great interest" wilhelm reich…
    "no poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers" horace…
    and finally…"for art to exist, for any sort of aesthetic activity or perception to exist, a certain physiological precondition is indispensable: intoxication" nietzsche

  24. Sundry (from a drinking afficianado)-/disclaimer/-not everyone is meant to drink/

    *If you get emotional or sad while your drinking, perhaps this is cathartic. Some people work emotion and stress out of their bodies with exercise. Perhaps this is your way of getting stuff out of your system.

    *Not that I'm recommending that you do it too often, but drinking early and getting blotto is not bad. I go away with the boys bi-annually, and it's very unusual for me not to have a beer in my hand past 3:00.

    The point? Alcohol is like food. Some recommend that you won't get fat if simply eat less, but enjoy it more. Rather than drink often, you can drink less frequently, but imbibe earlier. Or, if it is more to your taste, drink less often, but drink something really good.

    But at the end of the day, alcohol is either a problem, or it is not. If it is not, then drink at noon once in a while if you want. Have a great time and get it out of your system. Laugh at things that things that normally you wouldn't. Complain about your MID. Babble incoherently to your best friends. Nothing wrong with just enjoying yourself.

  25. picking fights to have something to feel sad about, sounds familiar. i've also noticed that i tend to like only dark and dysfunctional movies and that sad music is my music of choice. my college writing professor told me that my writing always had an undertone of melancholy and longing. hmmm, maybe that's why people like us are writers? (and like the grape…)

  26. we pick fights because when things are going well it's too hard to believe. like, it can't be this easy right? where's the drama and longing and yelling and makeupsex that points to some existence of passion in the relationship? i found myself doing that – hopefully it's just a phase.

  27. I also find that I quite often pick fights because it feels good to be upset. It is devastating to my relationships, but I do it anyways because it's helpful for me as an artist.

  28. "I feel like getting drunk right now, but I fear it's too early to start drinking. It's 4:05 in the afternoon"

    Ahem? If it's 4.05pm where you are it's after nine here in Dublin. Perfectly acceptable. Crack that seal.

  29. You had this thought at 4:05 pm and you feel guilty? I had that thought at 9:05 am when I got to work.

  30. I know what you mean about starting fights when drunk…i used to go through a stage where i would say to my then boyfriend 'Lets just call it all off, lets end it'…at the time i thought i was doing it just to see his reaction.
    Now I know I was doing it because I was unhappy…sometimes drink brings out the worst side, sometimes it brings out the true side.

  31. I still got a bad headache from yesterdays mojitos (it's 6pm already, not getting any better), so I thought about reading a bit to get my mind on something else. And the first thing I see is all about drinks…great.

  32. hi! i'm valentina and I write from Rome,
    I read your blog to improve my english and I find it very funny even if sometimes it's not easy for me to understand…have a nice day!!!
    kisses valentina

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