love, sex, and mommy

In ALL, FRIENDSHIP by Stephanie Klein50 Comments

So, even though I sometimes wear a tiny black shirt that claims otherwise, it’s really not all about me.  There’s Abdul of course, who gave me a hand job in the cab, and then there’s the crush I have on Kim and her tarot cards.  When I’m near her, it’s all about her.  And now she’s at it again, which means I’m there.  Kim is performing a one-woman show, but on all her performance dates, I’m already booked with plans.  Except for this Sunday.  High Noon.  Bring that shite on, Tawanda!  Or whatever the hell your inner black lady is called.

You know when you have a favorite band, blog, boutique that no one really knows about yet?  The giddy satisfaction you feel knowing you’re the one who gets it, who sees what no one else does yet?  That’s how I feel about Kimberlee Auerbach.  When she performs, I cry in awe of her.  She is that talented.  I’ve only reacted this way to one other performer in my life: Ray LaMontaigne.  So here’s your shot to be inspired.

TAROT READING: Love, Sex and Mommy
279 Church Street at White
Running Time 60 minutes. Theater is air-conditioned.
All tickets $15. For tickets visit
If you get a “sold out,” it’s only because you ordered within 24 hours of the show.
Tickets are not sold out yet.


  1. You're tempting the stalkers! Men are creepy…I know because I am one. Think about it…you have a gender in which all they need to know about a girl is a height and weight and they have a picture painted in their head of the hottest woman they've ever seen. A picture of 2 cm of cleavage…thats all thats needed to get off.

  2. Looking over those old posts you linked to, the comments are really supportive and friendly. In stark contrast, since you appeared in a couple of magazines/papers a whole new wave of 'comment types' have appeared. People are so nasty and critical. Okay, criticism IS good, it's healthy blah blah, BUT there is just no need for these mindless nasty comments that are now appearing. People seem to be taking time to read and post on your site only to expend their own anger onto you (about something/someone else probably). I mean, we all know it is a jealously thing but it got me thinking.

    I wrote a letter today to the manager of a tile supplier I worked with. He was excellent and I told my work collegue how impressed I had been with the service and he suggested I write to the company to tell them. This seemed like such an alien concept to me-writing to praise something.

    I often take time to write a letter of complaint but rarely the opposite. So, I did and it felt good, far better actually than getting that red faced rage that you can get when writing something passionate in anger/hate/jealousy. When you do this you press send/post it/drop it in the mail box and then await a reaction, be it an apology, a free lip balm or 65 people agreeing or disagreeing with you on someone elses website. You nearly always get the attention you were seeking and you feed your own ego and then feel better about yourself for a few minutes.

    So, all you haters, dont be jealous, be happy.

  3. Stephanie——–

    Make sure you are surrounded by your entourage and/or body guards. Crazies out there! Don't let the camera be your only escort… ;)

    What is this performer about? What does she do–does she actually read tarot cards or perform some sort of unique show? hmm…

  4. I agree with Pikey. I also find it curious that some people write in about grammatical or spelling errors. I haven't been reading long, so it's possible that's something you encourage, but I find it strange. I love grammar, but I'm certainly not going to English-teacher someone's blog. I'll encourage my daughter and husband to use proper grammar, but a complete stranger? I don't think so.

  5. Crap, I live in California, but I actually WILL be in NY at Noon on Sunday, August 14. However, I'll be in Long Island at a wedding. bummer! Have fun.

  6. Hey Stephanie!

    I admire your selfless, honest and courageous writing. Keep it up.

    Looking forward to your next blog entry.

  7. Wish I could make it… I love the thee-ay-tuh.

    And I wish people could stop being so critical. Get a little Zen in your life people. I, for one, respect anyone brave enough to put themselves out there for strangers to read- including all the messy bits. That takes brass ovaries in my opinion.

  8. I'm so glad that Ray LaMontagne moves you as much as it moves me. I'll cry hearing it when I play the cd at home, but I managed to cry hearing him play at a huge all-day festival, in front of a bazillion people. He'll make me cry anywhere, from the humanity of his songs.

    Have fun at the theatre! A good comedian is just so very very good.

  9. I love standing in a venue and hearing someone live for the first time, realizing that you're going to have to cling to the experience because there's no way that secret will be kept for long. And much as it's a little sad (you want to horde it, much as you hate to admit it), it's also so moving to be there to witness it.

    I've had that experience several times, but never as powerfully as with Ray.

    It's always nice to be able to see that someone else was similarly moved.

  10. Funny you should choose today to link back to your "Crush" posting of last November. Check out the (8/11/05) New York Times ( Fashion and Style section: "She's So Cool, So Smart, So Beautiful: Must Be a Girl Crush". Congrats–you were WAY ahead of "America's newspaper of record" on this one!

  11. I am at least twice your age, more likely three times – where were you 40 years ago? You are waaaaay out there, so be careful. Not all the people in this world can be trusted. Keep the blog going even after you meet Mr. Right!

  12. Stephanie,

    Ray Lamontagne? You have EXQUISITE taste in singer/songwriter/musicians. He's wonderful!

    And to the poster "Kim" above, who mentioned weeping in public at a festival during his set…was that, by chance, at Randall's Island a few weeks ago? Cuz I was there, and the man gave me chillbumps.

  13. Italy here.
    Your blog is wicked and so are you.
    Keep on going girl.
    I'll keep on reading.

  14. I saw Ray LaMontagne just tonight in Philly, and I was astounded. He was astonishingly amazing, it's right to cry in the wonder of his talent. Kimberlee Auerbach must be just terrific.

  15. This Stephanie is such a shallow bitch. Maybe I will strike her down with lightning!

  16. "God", please!

    I must say me personally I sometimes find it discouraging Stephanie makes so much of her own problems in total oblivion to the hardships of the poor troops fighting in Iraq for no good reason(the war in Iraq – no good reason for it that is) but as she said in the papers her blog isnt about politics so if you have a problem with her (in your opinion) "shallow" ways "God" dont smite her just find another blog to read.

  17. If you really want to check out a great singer/songwriter check out Mat Kearney .. hes a little rock a little blues and a little hip hop

  18. so happy to see you love ray too!!!
    oh..his voice…hard time concentraiting on my work…so I had to take a break listening to him at work.

  19. An email I received 3 minutes ago…

    I notice that you won't post anything that I have to say and I haven't seen anything by Mike James either and I'm sure he would have had a field day with your post on Thursday with all your pictures and nausea. But then again, he was right, so why would you want anyone to read his posts? I agreed with him 100%.

    You may be able to control your comments now, but you certainly won't be able to control the reviews when your book comes out…if anyone even buys the piece of shit.

    I don't know what the big fuss over the book is anyway. It's really no challenge to get a book deal. You don't have to be a good writer or even a writer at all in some cases. Just look at some of the people that HAVE books out there….OJ Simpson, Scott Peterson, Jenna Jameson, jurors from the Michael Jackson trial, Paris Hilton, John Wayne Gacy, Ted Bundy, Monica Lewinsky….which just proves all you have to do is give a blow job to get a book deal. By the way, is that HOW you got the book deal??

    If anything, I'm sure we'll see stacks of your books in the bargain book bin when they realize they aren't going to be flying off the shelves. Since I work in a bookstore, I'll take great pleasure in that. In fact, once they go to paperback, I'll personally be the one ripping off the covers and sending them back "destroyed and unsold".


    It's so nice to know there are people like this out there. Who take the time to email me nasty thoughts. Because what is this email really trying to do? Think about it? What's the point of it?

  20. i think the POINT of it is – unhappy people breed anger/insensitivity/jealousy. i've figured this out, even from the simple point of being disgusted by PDA (when single) and find it kind of endearing (to a point) now that i'm not. and from being bitchy/easy to cry (when miserable in my job), and being generally interested in people (when content with my new career). i'm not saying this is a good way to behave, but peoples outward behaviors always mimic their inner feelings. when you're pretty happy with almost everything in your life, poking fun/being mean to someone you don't even know for no real, apparent reason, is not really something thats prominent on your list of things to do. you're much more likely to praise something, or completely ignore it, figuring one day they will figure themselves out. and i know you already knew that Stephanie, but i thought i'd put my 2 cents in anyway. and i'm sure some angry person will argue that THEY should get to put their 2 cents in TOO! but hey. remember when you were little and you got made fun of and your parents told them to ignore them? it's still true. without an audience, or a response, angry bitter people will realize just how boring what they are saying is.

    have a good weekend!

  21. Hey, Reggie! Get away from the returns staff NOW! We need 2 fresh pots of coffee and some kid did an icky in the men's room.

  22. Why is the running time important? At the end of 60 minutes, if she's still up there, do they get out the shepherd's crook? Do you get to start launching tomatoes?

  23. Stephanie, remember, the devil will put people in your life to discourage you- and it will affect your writing! Don't let it discourage you.

    When writers for columns or articles in magazines get their review, or anyone famous- they wait a few days to read it only due to the fact that it may ruin their writing—may influence them.

    Don't read it. Maybe you shouldn't read your comments…Just a suggestion. I would just bypass all comments and keep doing a terrific job —as you have been.

    What do you think?

  24. reggie comes across as a frustrated writer in a low paying job who lashes out to get some sort of attention rather than taking steps to improve himself.

  25. "One is never more on trial than in the moment of excessive good fortune"
    -Lew Wallace

  26. Reginald seems like an interesting fellow. Perhaps one day he will venture out of the sci-fi/fantasy section. Perhaps a porno mag will ease this guy's troubles.

  27. Steph,
    You are FAB-ulous. I wish I can be there to check this lady out. Check out this other singer I listen too. she's awesome. And screw Reggie ( not literally please) maybe he needs to be screwed. It'll put him in a better mood. Anyhow the singer is Esthero.. Check her out on

  28. I agree with everything Mike James said. It's funny that everybody who has any criticism of this site is instantly labeled "jealous". It is like it is impossible for some of Steph's dittoheads on here, to believe, there are some who find this blog trite and pretentious. For that matter, why would anybody be jealous of somebody who simply re-packages Sex In The City in hopes of securing a lucrative book deal? For that matter, why would anybody be jealous of somebody who refers to their own writing as "brilliant"?

  29. Dear Dave, Mike James, any other dickhead,

    For that matter, why don't take a fucking hike? If you don't like it,
    (AND HERE IS AN IDEA!), don't read it. My WIFE finds this sight trite and pretentious, but do you see her commenting on this blog? N-O, NO. Why you ask? Well, because, (and read this carefully), SHE HAS A LIFE. SO GO GET A LIFE. Instead of shitting on someone's parade, go to another web page. And in case you don't know, a web site starts with http://www. in case you could not figure out how to use your web browser, you idiot.

  30. OK, little angry trollish types, please refer to e's post above from 02:12 PM before you post your rant.

    And if you think this means no negativity allowed on this blog, it doesn't;there is a difference between critiquing and ranting, although critisism tinged with venom does become more a rant.

    Perhaps there is a fine liguistic line that is inadvertently crossed…or maybe I am full of **** since I'm not sure if I spelled "critiquing" correctly, as it looks strange, but I don't care enough check.

    Time for more coffee!

  31. Wow. What's with all the hate and where did it come from?
    Wish I could be there to see your friend's performance as you gave her a stunning endorsement.

  32. I love how I actually allow all the crapass comments on that complain about how I don't let them on. Usually, I only ban someone if they post under several names pretending to have conversations/arguments with themself (yes, these people exist), or if they start to promote a web site (looking to drive traffic by being nasty), or if their posts become too disruptive. That's the deal. And sometimes I do it just because I can. DELETE.

    I consider all the crap I take training wheels. I have no doubt there will be horrible critiques of my books. There will also be great ones. That's just the way it works. I'm okay with that because in the end, I'm getting paid to do what I fukcing love. And no day ever feels like work. So if you love to love me or love to hate me "for personal reasons," or "to watch a train wreck," you're still reading… so I'm still writing.

    And the one thing a lot of people miss… I didn't get a book deal based off the blog at all. I got the book deal based off the book proposal I wrote (for 6 months). And the NBC TV show based off the book, not the blog. So get it Straight. Up. & Dirty.

  33. I wouldn't completely discount any role your blog may have played in the book deal…. If I was in charge of publishing and such, I would definitely take note of it as a pre-existing fan base. I'm not saying it's *the* reason, just possibly *a* reason.
    I think it's cool that people are still more than happy to read your blog even after you got the boy. Many a sitcom has failed after such an event.

  34. i think steph understands that when you make your life public, some will love it, some will hate it, and their comments may reflect their feelings. but i give it up to her, she seems to have decided that she will post what she wants, regardless of the response it may illicit, and seems to take the good with the bad.

    but i am surprised that the friends that are included in the pictures dont feel uncomfortable with what would normally be photos you might share with those close to you, but instead posted for all the world to see. but i guess even more surprising is that total strangers are so interested in the photos, and respond to them with such emotion. but again, to each his own, but i cant be the only one that finds this strange. i was just rummaging through photos of mine today, and i cant imagine posting them online, and if i did, having anyone give a shit about what i would consider standard photos. if the people were photographed with interesting or unique landscape/geography/landmarks, then i could understand, but i just dont understand the draw of viewing random strangers in ordinary poses at ordinary public places.

    and i dont mean my comment to be negative in any way, but with every new set of photos of people standing drinking wine, i continue to be in awe of the responses it generates.

    anyway, continued success with your writing, its rare to have the fortune in life to truly enjoy your job, so i guess i am a bit envious.

  35. So what is going on here tonight? Has anyone seen Stephanie about town?

    Because if she isn't there, then that place is invisible to me.

  36. Hot damn. if I wasn't in Andover Fucking new jersey I'd be there or be square.

  37. Dearest Stephanie, Will you accept a bit of Motherly advice? Stop screwing these guys. Hold out for a ring. Virtue is its own reward. Young men under 35 just want to get laid. I don't care what they say. Go older- they will appreciate your youth and humor. Love, Mother

  38. Quote::::" It's funny that everybody who has any criticism of this site is instantly labeled "jealous". It is like it is impossible for some of Steph's dittoheads on here, to believe, there are some who find this blog trite and pretentious.":::

    I'm not one of Stephanie's dittoheads. In fact, my visits here are like reading about a foreign country where I would never, ever want to live, so let me try to explain this to you. What you need to understand is that it's not that I (and presumably others) think that only jealous people have negative opinions about this blog. Opinions are opinions, and plenty of sensible, mature, stable, and self assured people could find Stephanie's blog not to their taste without there being a drop of envy.

    No, what screams out envy, jealousy, malice and all unkindness is the juvenile need to come into somebody else's blog (home) and *tell* her all the things you don't like about her and why you think she does a crummy job.

    If you think her lifestyle is sad and pretentious, shallow and banal, then do something productive- get your own blog and create a counterpoint, a work that isn't sad, pretentious, shallow and banal. Be productive and creative yourself. That would be a grown up thing to do.

    Showing up here at her blog to put her down is like showing up at somebody's front door to tell them they have no taste in yard design, their choice in flowers is stupid, their landscape design shows they have no life and no soul, and they should move into an apartment without a view of the street. That's a juvenile, jealous way to behave. Talentless, too. Loutish and illmannered, as well.

  39. No matter what anyone else would say two or three things would protect me, sword and shield like, from any negative criticism about my success as a writer:

    A) I quit my day job. Now my work/vocation/career has become my job. It's a rare thing as Stephanie said. I would savor.

    B) I would look at the checks I'm receiving based on my writing and laugh and laugh and laugh. . . hot damn.

    As far as why Stephanie got the book deal per Reggie, who gives a crap? Not me. I like some of Steph's posts. As a reader others fall flat for me. I still hope her all the success in the world with the writing. (Though I must add that I am more jealous of the new man than of Steph's writing).

    And hey, Reggie, as a heterosexual man if I was offered a rumored $500,000 plus book deal and additional returns in royalties down the road, well, I might even cup the testicles as a bonus to the bj.

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