a sadomasochistic passover

Since eating eggs on Easter is like feeding a chicken chicken, I’m thinking of serving rabbit at our Passover Seder. It’s very two-birds (one stone), only with fur in lieu of feathers.

Okay, not really. But I’ll tell everyone the chicken is rabbit, just to be cruel. Because most Americans I know tend not to eat pet-like animals. Frogs, rabbits, dogs, cats. Only, people do have pigs as pets (they’re smarter than dogs), and also opt for bacon with their Rootie Tootie. So, nix that. I might just go ahead and get my Bugs B on.

This first night of Passover will be plentiful, a table of family and close friends. Along with the obligatory constipation, this Passover I’ll also be making some traditional dishes: matzo ball soup (with nutmeg and dill). Do people eat kugel on this holiday? You know, egg noodles or something? Nothing “risen.” Because you’ve gotta have something sweet on the table to counterbalance bitter herbs and horseradish. And while ground nuts and fruits (Charoset) might sound like a good time to some, to me it sounds like wasted good-time calories. Matzo s’mores and Matzo toffee sound like the way to go.

Also, in the spirit of celebrating the Israelites’ liberation from Egyptian bondage, I vow to partake in our own little bondage session. Because anything involving tying up Phil is a good thing.



  1. People traditionally do eat kugels on Passover, but these are potato kugel or vegetable kugels. Noodle kugels are considered “chametz”, since most egg noodles are made with some flour. However, I’ve also had egg noodles on Passover made exclusively with eggs (and perhaps a bit of potato starch or matzo meal) which are quite good, but which may not do structurally well in a kugel. There are also Passover noodles made of potato flour and tapioca which are not bad at all, and which may be kugel-appropriate.

  2. When I was married, my ex-husband once shot the Easter bunny for dinner. It was sick. That was back in the day I pretended to care about religion, so it was a mean gesture all the way around. That poor little carcass riddled with shot gun shot that he picked out as he ate has stuck with me for nearly 25 years.

    It did, however, begin my life-long campaign not to eat ‘cute food’. Cute food in my world includes frogs, bunnies, quails, ducks, deer, elk, moose, lambs. Thankfully, I don’t find cows, pigs or chickens particularly cute.

  3. I’ve made kugels from Passover noodles & have had no problems. No one would be able to tell the difference.

  4. I’m in the category of not being able to eat the meat of a species that I’ve had as a pet. I guess it’s a good thing I never lived on a farm. Rabbit on the menu always makes me think of that scene in Michael Moore’s ‘documentary’ Roger and Me where the woman sells rabbits for ‘Pets or Meat’. She is shown holding and stroking a big white rabbit that looks like a lovely docile pet. The next moment she shockingly beats it with a lead pipe and hangs it from a tree by the back legs and begins stripping off its fur!! The poor fluffy was still twitching! Yeah. That is burned into my brain forever. No rabbit dishes for me, thanks.

  5. My mom made these matza-brittle things that were sweet and awesome last year. I don’t have the recipe, but it should be easy to find one online that combines chocolate, matza and toppings.

  6. Of course there’s kugel on Passover! One potato and one onion if you’re my mom, and faux noodle (kosher for Passover noodles) if you’re my aunt. If you’re me, you make apple matzah pudding as a dessert and call it a kugel when talking to my mom or aunt. Happy Pasach!

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