menu + drink planning

rita menu
Fourteen Holy Helpers won’t make a lick of difference here. I awoke craving sugar, specifically a mango margarita. It’s because I know, without doubt, that tonight I will drink at least two frozen adult Slurpee drinks to celebrate a friend’s birthday. We’re hitting up ZTejas Southwestern Grill, getting there early to have our way with an easy lay named Happy Hour. I don’t know what to do with myself.

I’ve already tried to be reasonable, searched out nutritional values for every last dish, determining to stick with the salmon (real shock + awe moment). Essentially, I’d need to exercise and sweat out my insides, pull the puke trigger a few times, while downing nothing but ice water, and I still wouldn’t be able to rope in a caloric number within a reasonable range. Because yes, I have to have two ‘ritas. Not just one. And with ‘ritas come chips, table-side guac, and then dirty talk. It’s just the way it goes.

Ideally, today I’ll squeeze on a sports bra and make the girls do a happy jig along a trail, then suck down 100cal, 15g protein shakes, especially before I leave for the celebration, so I don’t arrive ready to massacre a menu. But seriously, what’s a girl to do? There’s no way in helicopter I’ll be able to resist, and for all those who suggest I simply focus on the delightful company (which please, I always do anyway) and try to obsess less about the food + drinks, you’ve clearly never, ever, been a food addict whore, as I am. I wish I could turn tricks, fleece myself into somehow believing I was pregnant, or an alcoholic. Nah, that wouldn’t work either. Sure, I wouldn’t drink, but I’d more than make up for it by chowing for four + teen.  Fourteen.



  1. I don’t think you are dysfunctional dieter at all. It sounds like you are planning for tonight (e.g., exercising today, not showing up starving, etc.) and should not feel guilty about it at all.

  2. If there was one piece of advice i’d give my younger self it would be not to over do Tequila at a young age. I would so love to not be sickened by the thought of it now.

  3. I love that just like the term “fest” added to every word makes it fun, when you bring out “rita” the imbibing is cold, fresh and silly.

  4. I’ve been feeling this exact way! Weather getting nicer is always sobering though.

  5. Just wanted to write and say I really have enjoyed your most recent posts. And that video! How funny is that? Thank you for making me think, laugh and roll my eyes.

  6. Friends and people watching are what make nights like that. Enjoy the Ritas and walk it off tomorrow. Always tomorrow…

  7. You ain’t no Ruby. Enjoy the night. No kids means fun in an adult manner.

  8. Any suggestions on what to drink when eating mussels and not a wine drinker? Vodka preferred.

  9. As one red head to another I recommend you steer clear of the Ritas and stick with some other frozen drink with less salt.

  10. The best Margaritas are always in the least expected places. I love this joint around the corner because the bartender knows what I like, the machine is at the ready and the fruit is fresh.

  11. Vodka tonic/soda? Vesper? Vodka Martini or Aviation? All light and lovely. Beer goes well with shellfish as well…

  12. My suggestion (which won’t work for this event but might be helpful in the future) is to incorporate a free day or free meal into your diet plan. I love the Body for Life Plan. You eat six small, balanced meals per day, six days per week. Then, one day each week you eat whatever the f&*k you want. You can just schedule your free day for the day you have a fun event each week. Then, voila, no guilt and lots of indulgence.

    It’s a lot easier to say no to the goodies on non-free days when you know you just have to wait a few more days and then you can have them. The weight loss does go slower when you have a cheat day, but you can keep the slow, consecutive weight loss going for much longer (rather than burning out on the diet after a few weeks).

    Free day is like a re-set button. I highly recommend Body for Life.

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