he said, she said: assessments & asses



  1. You guys should have a reality show :o) Seriously! I really think it would be neat. You obviously love and care for each other (I think your body language says that by the way you're sitting together), and it says so much about you as a couple for going to therapy. So, bravo, and enjoy each other and your sweet kiddos!

    Take care,

  2. Man, you really have your hands full with him, Stephanie! Man…. He's determined to be antagonistic and contrarian, no matter what! And when he grabbed the paper from you to criticize how you were holding it (which, by the way, I didn't even notice until he pointed it out)….wow, I definitely would have flipped. So kudos to you for your patience and understanding. And to you both for trying therapy. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I sincerely wish you the best.

  3. You know, I have to say, I'm learning a lot about Phil here – and my picture of him as the beleaguered hubbie is changing somewhat. Like how the papers weren't actually covering your face, but he had to interrupt you to tell you, "you're doing it wrong"?

    I think in response your last video, someone said something very compassionate and thoughtful about Phil as the doubting Thomas – mistrusting before he trusts. I know that is human, and natural, but we can see it again here – I wonder if it's a pattern that comes up for the two of you?

    Also, as much as I kind of appreciate the way you put it all out there, are you sure you want to do this?

  4. I'M WITH PHIL. GOALS for MARRIAGE? What a lot of hogwash. You have goals for a career. Goals in LIFE. Things you'd like to achieve. Not goals for a marriage. Jeeezzzz. No.

    I also agree about putting even the fact that you're going for counselling, out here. Entertaining as it may be, it makes me uncomfortable and I really don't see that Phil would appreciate it either. No wonder he's irritable.

  5. Do you always over enunciate or just for video? It distracts from the words you are saying in my opinion. And you must be exhausted…does this man ever let up? Why do you choose men who are so critical and belittling? There are far easier roads out there.

  6. Ha. Loved this. Laughed out loud about hiding the double chin.

    Re goals for the marriage- doesn't it come down to ideals more than goals? Because like you said it's what you expected, wanted, your ideals of what marriage is or should be.
    Phil sounds like he analyzes everything, when sometimes he just needs to shuuuuuuuuuuut it and listen. :D
    You have to have some type of idea in how you want your marriage to work, and they give you goals to set up a structure in getting there, if you're lucky along the way you learn to communicate better. Cut out analyzing the process booshit. *cough* Phil *cough*

    I think this is my favorite video of you, SK.
    Hope you keep doing these :)

  7. i really like these videos. they are such a snap-shot of how you two interact. just from a 30 second clip you can tell a lot about someone. i agree with others when they say that phil over analyzes. there's a fine line between analyzing and over analyzing. i think that someone who feels like they are always on the defense is going to over analyze and nit pick little words, such as "goals" — where as, someone who is open to change and wants to fix things without feeling attacked would view the same word as something positive instead of negative. it's all about perspective and really trying to understand things from the other's point of view.

    i hope things only get better for you guys! =)

  8. Hey Steph, I don't even think you need a therapist. You can just let everyone tell you guys what's wrong and then come up with your own conclusions! HAHA!

  9. I love how everyone who comments tries to play marriage counselor and assess Phil or your choice to marry him. This is exactly why I don't like discussing some aspects of my marriage with the public. Too many other opinions.

    I think you're awfully bold to be putting this all out there on the interwebs and I actually think a lot of people will learn from you sharing your experiences. But I fear the negative commentary of others playing pop psychologist or berating your choices could also weigh even more on what already seems to be a tough situation. I really do hope there will be no regrets in airing all this later on down the line.

    All the best for you guys in marital counseling! Going to counseling isn't a sign of weakness, by the way. Silly Americans have developed this notion that counseling is only for people with serious problems. It takes very strong people to bring in a third party and say, "look, we don't know everything about being married, help us."

  10. I love these videos!! So fun! You guys are hysterical because you so accurately portray the complicated relationship between men and women.

  11. I have a technical question, why are you using the video format that you are using? I have a brand new MacBook (fresh off the assembly line) and the quality on all of your videos is poor. This is not saying anything about content, but there are several sites where you can upload videos in HD and that just have a better quality in general. I know you have at least a decent camera (either on your DSL or a video camera I'm sure you got when the tots were born). Blip, youtube (although the most widely used) and that other format you've used where people can post video responses…just really bad quality. Is it b/c you can make money using Blip.tv? You can also use Revver.com to make a little pocket dough. Vimeo has amazing video quality and even basic Flickr video is easy to use and post and has better quality than what you've produced on this site, but there are no ads and hence, no way to make any money. It's odd, the videos on the home page of blip and revver are coming across like decent to good quality but of course, those would be the ones most slickly produced.

    Believe me, I'm very tech 1.0, but I figure if I simply want to film and post (and do any editing I need to in iMovie), then why not use a better service that is free and has better video quality.

  12. All I can say is Phil is wearing a much better shirt than the last video.

  13. Phil seems fine – all he needs is a divorce from the fat gypsy bitch next to him.

  14. Wow, Phil.


    I'd lose my effing mind if someone talked to me, at me, and over me like that. He must be, like, a TIGER in the sack or something?

    I'm just sayin.

  15. You guys are so cute and funny together! I love these videos. They're so true to the idea that every marriage contains its own particular alchemy of light and dark, and that what is unbearable for one person can be endearing for another.

  16. I'm with Phil. I understand his apparent frustration. I once read on the NYC subway a statement that stuck with me for many years. It read "their relationship was based on the conversation of whether they had one." Sometimes it's better to communicate and live than to dissect the life out of the combination of two individuals. BTW – the videos are hysterical.

  17. No, actually not a troll. I just cannot figure out how or why Phil puts up with all of this. Do these two even LIKE each other? Phil has been cast as the "adult" and Stephanie as…well, the "needy girl". The followers shouting "we love you Stephanie" just bring out the mean commenter in me.

  18. Phil cute?! Funny?! He seems horrible – intolerant, controlling and disrespectful. Stephanie – in this video and the previous one, you came across as reasonable and willing to work things out. Phil must take a hell of a lot of patience to deal with.

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