wine, women, and song

(Crane’s invitation: red and gold ink.  Floral cherry blossom bellyband with matching envelope-liner and gold ribbon)

I still haven’t consummated my marriage; I’ve been too full. It’s no secret that I’m a foodie, so we wanted our wedding to be all about the food, wine, and song.  It’s why we rented out Django Restaurant, where they assigned us our very own waiter and bent over backward to meet our every need.  It wasn’t your typical wedding with dancers and a band or DJ playing “We are family.”  Instead, we hired some singers (Natalie Douglas) with some serious pipes to sing our favorite songs.  Guests, when they RSVP’d, were asked for their three “favourite songs,” because when it comes to wedding invitations, it’s all about UK spellings.  There was singing and some light dancing, but mostly, there was food coma.  I want this documented (mostly for me, so I remember it all):

FOIE GRAS WITH MANGO CHUTNEY (This was my favorite.  It seems pregnancy has made me love foie gras.  It’s meat butter!)

Then came wedding speeches from our fathers and friends, where I cried, and they cried.  My father quoted Rod Stewart’s “Forever Young.”  Speeches are my favorite part at weddings.  Though I did love our intimate ceremony.  So let me back up.  First we signed the chatubah, privately, with hand-selected witnesses and close family.  Then we made it down the aisle, where we were joined beneath the chuppah with our immediate family for a ceremony.  Our rabbi had previously asked each of us to describe the other in terms of nature.  Philip described me as fire, always changing, evolving, and taking things to new levels.  I described him as a mountain: a bitch to navigate, stubborn and certain in his stance, but once you make it to the top, it’s worth the view.  Then our rabbi made it all perfect by bringing up grilled cheese!  Philip had mentioned to him that when he’s hungry, he might want a grilled cheese sandwich and would grab ordinary bread and your basic cheddar, but now that I’m in his life, I’d get four different cheeses and special bread.  He said I enriched his life, even in the ordinary.  In turn, he pushes me to change and face the things I want to change.  He makes it safe for me.  Then we ate.  I didn’t drink (maybe less than a quarter of a glass combined).  Instead, I had them fill a champagne glass with sparkling water. Then came dinner:

As for our wedding night… well, when the clock stuck 1:30 AM, I needed to leave.  My body and the guppies were exhausted.  I begged my husband to strip me down in our room.  Then I pulled the pins from my hair, ripped off my underwear… and threw up all night.  It wasn’t the food.  I was just so overtired, and my body, or the kids, were punishing me.  The next day, I slept in the nook of his body for a good twelve hours.  Tonight I’ll shower and make it with the father of my children… my beloved husband.



  1. It might have been the food – not that you got poisoned, but just that it was too rich. I've had that happen to me before. If you haven't eaten like that in a while it can be overwhelming. Sounds like a fantastic menu though! Hope you are feeling better and congratulations – I'm glad it turned out the way you wanted!

  2. This menu sounds fab!
    It makes me wish I wasn't sitting here eating this boring salad.
    Sorry you got sick – I hope you are feeling better!

  3. Stop it! Its too much and its too good.I'm tearing up at work especially the part about enriching the ordinary. Forget this blogging nonsense and go make it, just be careful not to get to, ahem, creative and disturb the guppies.

  4. I'm trying to imagine what all of it tasted like as I'm sipping down my meal replacement protein shake for lunch. Cheers!

  5. Two words Stephanie

    Precious & Congrats

    This may be the happy ending to one part of your life…but it's really only begining.

  6. I too am tearing up at work as I read this. It sounded so wonderful. I am so happy for you two – Mazal Tov!!

  7. I could not stop shedding tears while reading your story (which is not the ideal situation when you are working in an open office). I wish you the best of everything with your husband and your children. This is just awesome Stephanie…

  8. While you may have eschewed the Sisters Sledge, the gups knew better. It was party time in the uterus Saturday night, with the twins dancing to We Are Family. *ahem* **We are Guppies Beer (sing it, sing it now), I got my twin sibling right here** Hence the puking. Babies are very energetic dancers.

    FYI, I didn't consummate my second marriage till night 2, either.

  9. Just checked out the Django website. It looks BEAUTIFUL!

    Congratulations. I'm envious…

  10. No wonder you were puking all night–Isn't FOIE GRAS like stuff fed to a duck and puked back up?

    Love the line that you're going to 'make it' with the father of your children.

    And this part: I begged my husband to strip me down in our room. Then I pulled the pins from my hair, ripped off my underwear… and threw up all night. SEXY!

    Have some rockin' good newlywed sex tonight, and whenever you can before the guppies arrive because … well, you'll see… take it from Manic Mom… LOL and congrats!

  11. So glad you had such a beautiful wedding!

    I bet I'd have thrown up after my wedding if I were pregnant, too. Being strapped into a dress all day wreaks absolute havoc on your stomach. I barely ate anything because of the stupid corset I had on. Much luck and hope you get to consummate!

  12. As always the food sounds absolutely mouth watering! Beautiful invitation – simple and elegant. Have you decided whether you are keeping your maiden name or become Stephanie Beer?

  13. If you've read STRAIGHT UP AND DIRTY, you'd know that I'm keeping my name. After everything I've been through, I am certain, I will always be Stephanie Klein. Though I don't think last names get any cooler than "Beer." Still, I'm sticking with Klein.

  14. WOW–Great Menu, any leftovers?

    Oh, and best wishes to you!

    But another question. How will you ever find the time to write with twins?

  15. I love your invitation! Who did you use? I have been to like two weddings ever, and now have the task of helping my sister plan hers. I'm lost!

  16. Stephanie,
    I recently finished your book and have since passed it on to everyone I know. It's so nice to finish your book and discover your blog at such an exciting time in your life. I could not be happier for you if I actually knew you personally.
    Mazel Tov!!!

  17. Cheers on sticking with your name. I did the same thing when I got married last summer. To me, my names were one in the same. I felt that seperating them would be more like a divorce than a marriage.

    Your wedding looks gorg….you deserve it.

  18. Stephanie, the invitations are beautiful! Thanks for sharing them with us. The food sounds AMAZING, your guests are so lucky.

    I got over-exhausted at my wedding, too (2 hours of sleep in 3 days) and between that and the wine with very little food meant I, too, was up sick the night of my wedding. I slept about that much the next day, too, and I wasn't even pregnant, much less with twins!

    I'm glad it went well, I'm looking forward to seeing photos. Just rest and enjoy yourselves!

  19. Just when I thought I knew every reason to love you, you marry a man named Beer. Although, I'm sure you didn't use the alternate wedding vow "Beer Me", I'm sure it was all lovely, and I wish you and Philip all the happiness in the world.

  20. Thank you for sharing the food porn, no wonder you are still full. Also cheers to keeping the details to yourself and then sharing after the fact, I enjoyed the anticipation of waiting to hear about your day and was thrilled when you posted pictures. Thank you for giving your readers a glimpse into your life.

    I still get a thrill from calling my loving husband "Husband", but we have only been married for a little over a year. I wish you the same fabulous feelings.

    Much joy to you, your Husband and your gupps.

  21. You had me at the hors d'oeuvres. Sorry you got sick but at least you got to enjoy the food first. I'm so hungry now.

  22. Sounds delicious and beautiful, like a good night out with friends and family, not a cookie cutter fiasco with bad cake and money dances! My boyfriend and I love to go to wine dinners and tasting menus around the city, I never thought of pairing wines at a wedding though…if you don't mind I might tuck that in the back of my mind if he ever pops the question ;)

  23. You are a very fortunate lady in all the meanings of the word. I loved this entry! You are my hero. Now go and make whoopee!

  24. Stephanie,
    Congratulations! Your description of the wedding and reception sounded so classy and lovely, but the fire..mountain..and grilled cheese is utter perfection! You are both so lucky! I believe your happily ever after has arrived.

  25. I have never posted before, but I have been a diligent reader for a few years. I always knew we were soul sisters (similar ideas, similar senses of humor, similar hair), but then I saw your wedding invitation and it was the one I didn't choose. Cherry Blossoms were the flowers at my wedding, I thought it would be a little to themey. Buy I do love it. I also agree about the english spelling on wedding invitations! Good luck to you and hope you have a wonderful marriage and life.
    Can't wait to see more pictures.

  26. Holy shit, I'm starving. Just reading that gave me a foodgasim. Sounds like you had a great time at your own wedding. Masel Tov once again.

  27. Stephanie Beer. I still can't get the feel of it. I suppose for literary purposes, you'll always be S Klein. Congrats to you both (again)on a fab wedding.

  28. Had I married a Beer, I could have been Beer-Stein or the other way around, but Beer-Stein sounds way cool. I have always felt a special connection to Stephanie Klein since my maiden name is Stephanie Stein!

    What will the guppies be? Beer or Klein or a combo? Blein or Keer? Hmmmm.

  29. Oh Stephanie your wedding was so great!
    In Italy wedding are less amusing. After the ceremony – always in church – the reception is usually a rich dinner, without dancing or speeches. I instead love very much your way to celebrate, I think it's more involving.

    A presto,

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