It’s nights like tonight, when I drink and hear the problems of my friends that I’m thankful for you. Tonight I remembered our beginning, how I loved you and knew, the way I hear my friends now say they know. And the excitement behind those words, when you know you’ve met someone you cannot wait to see again. Seeing a missed call from him, a text message, anything, and you smile to yourself. Everyone can see it on you. It’s better than losing ten pounds. It’s giddy love. And I remember ours.
It was the morning after I finally slept with you. We’d been out on nineteen dates before we slept together. I knew what we were, and it felt very much like love. You held my hand in the street. I walked closer to you and didn’t want to let go. We had breakfast. And the weird dude working there, the dude with the sideburn chops, got it all wrong. Forgot something. I didn’t care. I loved being across from you at the table. I didn’t want to let go.
The night we began to try to have sex, I couldn’t believe it was finally going to happen. It felt like I was about to have sex with my best friend. “Oh my God,” I said, “this feels like a one night stand because you feel like such a stranger.” The sex in you was a stranger to me. I didn’t know that part of you, so it seemed so foreign to me, like I was cheating on you with you. You’d never touched me like that before. It felt too right.
The next day, you helped me brainstorm book cover ideas. You took me to your dust collector dealer. The Asian lady in the flower district who sold you silk flowers. Then we bought a bag of dirt together because I would bury a wedding band at the bottom of a martini glass. Then I’d fill it with dirt. "A dirty martini," I said. "Yeah, I get it," you said, the way you still do now. "But I’m going to have to show something growing from it. Something to show a new beginning," I had said. You just squeezed my hand and offered me the dirt. I knew I loved you then. You tucked me into a cab and put the bag of soil in after me. I felt taken care of and hated not knowing when I’d see you again. I don’t remember if I saw you later that night, only that I hated the idea of leaving. I turned to watch you growing smaller through my cab window.
It amazes me how much has changed since then, how I forget in our fights that I really wanted you. That you are the dirt-bag guy I fell in love with. That I am so lucky we’ve found each other. I never want to lose that, that way we fell in love over stories and wine and food and bars. Not quite kissing you. Loving to kiss you. Falling in love with you everyday is what I want. Hearing my friends tell me about the new guy they’re dating, how excited they are, I smile to myself, thinking, “I’ve got it the best.” Carly would be proud.
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Does he have a brother…?!
At 27 years old I finally know what love is too! I never thought I would know, would there be a sign from god, what? How would I know?
Well you just know. Everything about him excites me, and I excite him just as much if not more. He misses me as much as I miss him, if not more! It is the BEST feeling in the world!
I am with you, I finally KNOW!
It is what you do with that feeling now that you know it. What now? Ever wonder that?
I'm sitting at my computer desk, smiling. Remembering the first time I saw my husband. Our first words. Our first date. How wonderful it all was.
Ignore the haters and the bitter Dinglers and those like him. Those who don't believe in love and forever. It's not just a Disney tale. It can be real. If you're blessed.
Know that you can fall in love, all over again, every day, if you find the right person. I've found him. Sounds like you have too.
With my last cup of coffee for the day, I drink a toast to love – and to The Suitor and you.
wow you lucky girl to be so happy with a guy!
anybody know what a dust collector dealer is?
maybe its my garbled neurological signals i suffer from but that paragraph leaves me scratching the shrapnel caused hole in my head.
book cover, dust collector, silk flowers, wedding band, martini glass and dirt bags. Uh?
that reminds me of a joke: what is the difference between a Harley Davidson and a Kirby?
there's only one dirt bag on the back of a Kirby and usually two on the back of a Harley!
Here's to that bag of dirt. May something beautiful and longlasting grow…and grow and grow.
Ciao, Teri
who's carly?
Hey Stephanie,
couldn't you PLEASE write a book? You just can't "waste" your talent in a blog…
I would buy it, certainly.
Hugs and kisses,
Kathi
That was beautiful.
This was sweet and gives me hope. Sounds like such a sensitive man you have. After everything: what a find.
wiping one single joyful tear.
Beautiful reading about the transformation of dirt. That's love, beauty and dirt rolled into one.
I want me some of that. Seriously. :)
Carly Simon, Nobody does it better.
Stephanie, I'm so very happy for you. Knowing, as you do, that this is what love is, is a gift. My hope is that you and The Suitor take the time to fight when you do, it leads to growth. I spent many of my first years of marriage in battle, for who remembers what, these days; but it has brought us closer.
He is the one I laugh with, even when it is at myself. Truly my best friend and confidante. I wish the same for the two of you.
There just arent reasons to fight anymore and I wouldnt change the growing period for anything.
Kudos Ms. Klein, very much looking forward to the book!
Every day you show me how much you love me in actions, body language and words. I am humbled by the depth of your love and although this may not be the appropriate forum, I want you to know you have my heart.
You always seem to mirror my own heart. I was just spending today travelling back in time to the beginning days of when I first met my beau. Rereading the first tentative emails, remembering what it was like to first walk up the stairs to his apartment, which we would eventually share, as well as that first sexual connection (we also waited quite a while). I felt inspired to send him a love letter, in the spirit of the days gone by, and you put it all into words beautifully,as usual. Thank you.
My heart is melting as I continue to read. Again you've captured those feelings many of us have regarding loves and loves lost. Couldn't have said it better myself……..
PLEASE KEEP THE COMMENT SECTION PERTINENT TO THE POST. THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL BLOG NOR A FORUM FOR DIRECT BARB'S AT FELLOW BOGGERS.
THANK YOU
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One of the best things about being in love is remembering why you love that person: the beginnings – the little things that made you melt – the inside jokes, especially the ones that have passed into your past together because it means you have a past together, not just a present.
I love the way you write. It always reminds me of those things that are important to me.
And so at times, I wonder how people sacrifice love for other ambitions in life, because honestly, few things feel as good. It's so wonderful to hear about someone, anyone (you, in this case) being this happy. It gives me hope
God woman you've got it bad. You MUST be in love because this is the cheesiest thing I've ever read.
On a side note….You're still fabulous….of course. :)
Stephanie,
It’s a blessing to find someone to be there for you, to care for you and to support you 100% with anything you do. That’s exactly what I have with my partner of 12 yrs. Without her, I’d be lost. Not only is she my best friend, but she is my lover as well as becoming ‘family’ to me.
I think the secret to a long lasting relationship that can say ‘forever’—needs these important things…
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-7
If a relationship doesn’t have any of these—then (in my opinion) it’s doomed. Another important thing—is to love yourself enough–in order to love someone else.
True happiness comes from within, but if you can share your happiness with someone else who has it within them—that’s the perfect relationship (to me)…
Wishing you both happiness—and above all—‘forever’.
Pretty.
to kathi: you must be new to this blog! stephanie has written a book. hence the part where the suitor helps her brainstorm book cover ideas. but i digress…
i love the part in relationships where you realize that you love the other person. for everything that they do and don't do. it's amazing when you have someone supportive of you in your life, and they don't hold your past against you. yay for stephanie!
you two make me cry. (also, i saw a seven-year-old girl in Church sunday with the same exact lovely hair color as yours, and also probably as long, pulled very cutely and neatly into a ponytail, with a sweater on with the shirt underneath coming out the top, and at the end of the sleeves, and at the bottom, just so. little black slacks and cute clunky shoes. she stood perfectly straight and still, facing forward. she was so much a mini-you that i could hardly take my eyes off her.)
that is the cheesiest thing you have ever written. cute. but, cheddar.
I've waited 15 months longing to read this exact post. Is it ironic that James Blunt's "You're Beautiful" is playing on my netradio? *smiles for Stephanie and Phil*
wow.
beautiful, just beautiful.
I know it's trite, but the world falls away when you finally meet the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, and when you know that they feel the same way.
Congrats!
I have this knack for falling for guys in relationships. If something ever happens I usually destroy it because although I want to find happiness I am no home wrecker. I’ve been reading people’s mixed verdicts on what you’ve said; but I like it, for good or bad you can always look back on this blog entry as a snap shot of your emotional intent. Although I must admit I am slightly envious of your 19 dates it’s been years since I’ve been on a proper date.
Madox23
I am married just over a year to the man of my passionate dreams. Always the love is the same, but the initial passion cannot be planned or duplicated. It comes to you in waves, when you least expect it, after fights, after naps, after washing each others' dishes selflessly, after swallowing pride, and when it comes it washes you clean, just as it did in the beginning. The lesson I needed to learn was that it cannot be planned or forced or cajoled, any more than it was when it was new (aka, a surprise). Your words about the Suitor, and his for you, seem so sweet, genuine, and true. All the best romantic and ordinary, everyday, living blessings to you both. Be grateful for the one who "gets you" !! Life can be so sweet.
Well written, girlie. Your post reminds me of those warm moments that suddenly can move in during the middle of winter, where you step out to the sidewalk and you can just feel a warmth swirl around you.
I've had a few of those moments lately with someone in my life. Though it all (ie life) seems so complicated, you bring an elegance and lyricism to the triumphs and tragedies of our everyday movements.
If this was a cheese post, it was perfectly-aged baked brie.
And it was delicious.
beautiful .. i almost choked on my bowl of cold cereal I was so touched. you know when the milk goes into your nostrils kind of choking? I think I will cry a tiny bit…its so wonderful.
steph don't you just feel like telling the whole world? wow i don't know anyone else that in love, i'm glad you're writing about this so perhaps it will be an inspriation to everyone out there who does not think there is someone magically perfect for them!!
Wonderful post plus I know exactly what true love feels like, too.
"Seeing a missed call from him, a text message, anything, and you smile to yourself. Everyone can see it on you. It’s better than losing ten pounds. It’s giddy love. And I remember ours."
For me, it's a sh*t-eating grin that I can't shed and an optimism in waking up and going about life that I never knew I had. It's so simple and so clear, yet for those who've not yet achieved it, it's so foreign and so odd. I'm a believer, and it only gets better, like wine, with each day. The above, though, is really the essence of it — 'giddy' — perfectly summed up in (almost) one word. :)
So beautifully written and expresses what I've felt in a way a lesser writer (like me) can't always do.
"Memory is the power to gather roses in winter." Wish it were my quote. Love the imagery and its truth. Hold onto your memories. Gather roses when you feel the pain of the thorns. When it's true love, the roses always bud again.
I just love the "newness" of a relationship. It's that high that is so wonderful. After being married for almost 12 years, I miss that immensely and often crave that so much!
that was so beautiful and poignant. Very sweet and tender and true. Loved it!
One of your best posts yet. Thanks Stephanie.
wow, how corny!
WOW! Shivers just came up my back… you made me realize that I have been in love for some time but didnt want to realize it!! You know some times love is scary… your always afraid that it will end… that something will change…
I think I'll call R… and tell him that I love him
This is so true of what its like to finally find it. As I read what you wrote I just kept thinking, god this is it- this is the perfect way to put it into words.
Thanks for writing- its wonderful to read and inspires me!
that was so amazing, you are so talented. I am going straight out and buying your book, congratulations by the way!!!!