So I was all ready to get my bake on when I realized my mini muffin silicones had gone awry. Don’t read too much into that. There I was, on a stool, in my hallway of a kitchen, searching for the non-stick cups when I realized, in a moment, my God! I have a roasting pan! I used to have a life where I’d actually come home and roast things. Bulbs, Roots, Roasts, and Chickens. Oh my! Could the muffin trays be tucked behind the roasting pan lid? They were not.
I was forced to hit the department store of wedded bliss, Bed Bath and Beyond. You walk into that store, and you become acutely aware of your marital status. That place might just be newlywed nirvana, but they were without the incomparable silpat baking liners or, more importantly, my much needed silicone mini muffin trays. To satiate my single needs, I settled on one metal non-stick tray and left to get my bake on… in September. Who the hell bakes with their air conditioner on?
The TV Food Network was coming to film my annual cookie swap the next morning. We needed to bundle in festive winter clothing and swap cookies. I do this every year, in December, not in 90 degree weather. It’s a chance, really, to be lazy and walk away sugared up. You arrive with one type of cookie, say white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies, and you leave with almost as many cookies, but now you have myriad cookies in your tins. My friends were phoned and ready to deliver the home baked goods. The Network filmed and interviewed us for 6 hours, making us reenact awkward hellos and introductions. During my interview, I was pressured for a catch phrase for the cookie swap hostess. I drew worse than a blank; I drew an IM handle. RedDiva2OOO is all I could think. No! What are you doing!!! Here’s what came out: “Cookie Diva.” No! What the hell is that? I meant “Cookie Monstress,” but Diva came out. I couldn’t think; there was too much sugar. Now I want to toss my cookies.
Truth: I hate to bake. They HAVE to be kidding me with the “2 cups minus 1 tablespoon of all-purpose flour.” Are you kidding? Anything that precise guarantees my failure. I’m more of a, “in the spirit” kind of cook. Globs, a little of this, blob of that. I don’t measure when I cook, but baking seems like an exact science. Reactions happen in there. Yeast, baking powder (puff), baking soda (spread). This leveled approach to food creation is not for me. I do the cookie swap each year so we can eat cookies, decorate tins and boxes, and watch our favorite holiday movies. I don’t do it for the baking and precision of things. I do it for the hot toddies, “sit on Santa’s lap” jokes, and to surround myself with my holiday “slaps.”
(I believe the show will air on Thanksgiving day… update to follow when I know for certain).
