wedding wisdom

When a 91-year-old gets the microphone, people listen.  It means more when an elder cuts the corner of your challah.  He knows things.  He knows more than the bride since she was teething; he knows secrets.  But when he’s standing there with the mic, he’s not thinking about the one thing you need, or some ominous life secret.  He’s envious of everything they don’t know, of new, of having the time to make mistakes.  Of fights and make-up sex.  Of energy.  Of still having people around who knew you when. 

During the ceremony MID–okay, Philip–traced letters on my leg, with small sweeps, right above my knee.  I couldn’t feel what he was trying to communicate in an alphabet, even when I looked down to watch.  I knew what he was writing, without the letters.  I knew it without the words, and isn’t that when it’s real?  When you love hearing it but don’t need to?  I felt lucky to have found a man I didn’t need to talk to, but one whom I couldn’t shut up around.  One who cupped my breast to say good morning, who covered my eyes when it was too bright, who let me love him loudly, in front of people.  "Yes," I told the wedding guest seated beside me, "we’re together, and I’m so lucky because he’s the love of my life."  It’s when I knew I would make a lot of mistakes, and there would be fights and trips to the bathroom in the dark for more toilet paper to blow my nose in.  And I’d complain that I couldn’t breathe.  And despite it all, I’d just want more.  The moments of alphabet and the "wanna bet?"s.  It’s nice to imagine I’m 91, so I don’t miss my now.



  1. OK, I'm so confused. Are you talking about Phil? MID as in Man I'm Dating? or Man I DATED?
    Please splain! Are you guys getting married too?? How romantic would THAT be? :)

  2. awww I love reading your posts. I've been reading for a while but I've never commented… hi :)

  3. Hi Steph,
    I just wanted to say that I have your blog stored in my favourites at work. I really love it. Just one question…did something happen between you and plantation?…he really likes you, it think!! love and kisses from the UK! x

  4. I embrace becoming an old man, it will be my second chance at childhood. Plus young girls love cute dirty old men.

  5. IW,

    Why would you feel the need to denegrate someone's feelings/thoughts? Who made you the arbiter of what is acceptable to think? What age you are allowed to be optimistic and romantic rather than curmudgeon, downtrodden and pessimistic?

  6. "Why would you feel the need to denegrate someone's feelings/thoughts? "

    Because like most members of the human race, we are innately cruel.

    "What age you are allowed to be optimistic and romantic rather than curmudgeon, downtrodden and pessimistic?"

    Before the alimony sets it. Distinct lack of reality floating around this comments box sometimes.

  7. The Bushnell-esque acronyms are confusing because they lack an antecedent. Treat the term as an article, not a title. "During the ceremony the MID/a MID…", etc. These shortcuts exist to dehumanize: he's not Paul, he's just the Man I Date; she's not my older lover, just a Mother I Like to F***.

    And yes, I do N.A.L. ;)

  8. I love the elderly. I remember my grandfather telling me stories about growing up on the lower east side of new york. I try to see the streets the way he did and wonder if the gentrification of today is progress or ruining the flavor of a city.

    Thank you for reminding me experience comes with time but it is the anticipation of learning which makes us alive.

  9. I don't understand why people get in so many arguments in the comments sections of people's blogs. If you don't like the comments, don't read them. Anyways, this is one of my favorite posts. And I think that is when it's real. You said it perfectly.

  10. Cruel commenters are stupid sh*theads. I think weddings and love are the flutter of our lives. It is not something for jerks to mock others' true feelings about. What's the point of that? Furthermore, I'd love to XXX the c*ck of a 91 year old guy. I bet it smells lemony pledge.

  11. Sundry-

    On getting older-I have no problem with aging. Life becomes easier as you get older, I guess until you have physical, fiscal or other problems, which is why we need to prepare now, when we can make a difference. But life at 45 is definitely better than life at 35, even if I miss hanging out until 4:00.

    On the comments, let it flow. If we can't share our honest feelings about life in this anonymous cyber-space, when and where can we share?

    On Philip, I think SK is holding back. But, afterall, this is her blog, so I guess she'll let y'all know whatever, whenever.

  12. Hi Stephanie :)

    This post was lovely…and I do have mixed feelings regarding some things, however I will just say this…

    Life is made up of friends, family, and yes, the love of your life (OR) not. I believe that you don't need someone to complete you, or make you happy, even when you're older.

    Growing old with someone is a nice thought. I know I want that with my partner of 11 yrs, however, if I don't get that, my life is not going to stop.

    Remember, we get better with age; like a fine wine. Embrace it when you're 40, embrace it when you're 50, and hell, embrace it when you are over 65, because that's retirement time!!! I'll be on that cruise ship playing shuffleboard with my elderly buddies drinking scotch on the rocks.

    Life is what you make it—not "who" makes it for you.

    Beautiful blog, but I must admit, opinions may vary with this.

    Best to you!

  13. "Are you guys getting married too?? How romantic would THAT be? :)"

    i don't think i've ever said anything rude about another person's comment before, but COME ON. i hope you're twelve to fourteen years old.

  14. Stephanie, really! I mean I get it how this gets you money and all. Hell I'd write this dumb if I knew it'd get me a book deal. I also know this comment won't make it past you (because you can bore us all YOU want with your incessant, useless,and pedant details, but don't we dare to try to express ourselves, Ms. Hitler.) But, for real, pause yourself, and take a look at what you are writing, how you are just filling the world with superficiality and MARTINIS! and the extreme desire of wanting to lead this glamorous,sexy, vain, life, like the one we see on T.V.
    I'm 17 years old, and I happened to come across this blog for some reason or another, and I don't know if it will make a bigger impact that I am 17 or not. But think of all the other people my age(especially girls) who will happen to stumble across your blog. Think of where they will want to lead their lives. Enjoy your life, and do please glamourize it (because at least, that way, you can be happy about the way your life goes) And please do me one other favor GET THAT HAIR OUT OF YOUR FREAKING FACE!
    Psycho. Killer. Ego. Bitch.
    Ps: I love the hamptons on the summer too :D:D:D:D:D:DD!!!!!1111!!11111!
    and hoping for a reply
    MAX Ortega

  15. it just struck me as odd that one would write a comment like that to a woman who is not a 22 year old virgin, clearly does not think that getting married is the solution to all of life's problems, and has in fact been through an ugly divorce. this is not the hillary duff fan page, where such a comment might be more appropriate. a little perspective please.

  16. Max:

    I am glad Stephanie gives boys like you the opportunity to vent your angst in ways you wouldn't have the guts to do in real life. When you grow up to be a man, hopefully, you will see that attempt to bring people down to your level elevate you not one iota. You don't like her writing? Don't read it. You have constructive ideas – let's hear them. But this sort of thing is weak, nasty and, almost as bad, poorly expressed. Get back to your Gameboy and leave real life to the adults that support your sorry ass.

  17. I know I shouldnt be, but I'm perplexed at all the internet hostility, especially among blog commentors. Nobody is asking anyone to read anything. I dont agree with everything every blogger says, but my first impact on any of that is NEVER "What an asshole/bitch!". A true voyeur (and that is exactly who we are by nature as blog readers) knows not to take anything personally. This is why I love being a Libertarian! Love it or hate it, this young lady has a book deal and YOU DONT. Not everything that is published has to be War and Peace or some overrated beatnik DRECK! Whats all the complaining about?? On The Road is heralded as REAL LITERATURE! Last time I checked it's merely about some dude traveling around the country getting drunk and talking to random people who have nothing interesting to say. I'm buying your book, Stephanie. I've been a long time reader and have commented many times and have routinely kept my hands off the keyboard in regards to certain petty squabbles that some readers have with they way certain people choose to live/write. But I just don't feel like keeping my mouth shut this time. I enjoy reading this blog! I always have! I refused to be distracted by some people who think that because they percieve someone's writing as unentertaining, then its just wrong to be written in the first place! Its quite similar to a campaign to get the youthful to vote, only to find they voted for the "wrong candidate" and feel like they were stabbed in the back! I would never tell these people to stop bitching and moaning, however I WILL tell them that you are embarrassing yourselves immensely. To me, Stephanie's blog is ALOT of fun. The web is a VERY big place. I'm sure you can find plenty of space to release all of your hot air and tell everyone that you listened to the Shins/Death Cab/Decembrists and were hanging out on the LES before anyone was. If its interesting at all, I'll come over there and say hi!


  18. Not to be mean and/or point out the obvious, your posts aren't that much fun anymore. Me thinks you're trying to hard. And with that, I'm officially done reading this blog. I knew my hopes for continued entertainment were too high. Book deals are so often the kiss of death. Good luck with that.

  19. I for one love this post! Insightful, delicate, succinct. Stephanie Klein makes me think about things I may have neglected. Shows me there is more to life than the mundane. It's interesting when someone feels such a connection with a writer that they need to tell them they aren't going to read anymore. More for us!

  20. I get bored listening to old men because our experiences and special moments and the things that make us laugh are old and out-dated to them. They've been there, done that, and thus bore us with the wise, panoramic attitude which they indulge subconciously-well i bet-on us babies to the world.
    By the way congradulations Stephanie, if you are in fact getting married.

  21. I'm in my 50's and constantly vacilate between the youth I had, still have and the mortality I face. I've spent my life living and intend to continue living with joi devivre. I'm calmed by this post.

  22. HAHAHAHA!!! When you put words on a computer screen and format them into sentences, they're hilarious.

    Gosh, I wish I was a New York socialite, carefree and self-absorbed and with an inflated ego…

    hooray for stuff!!!

  23. On most days, I find your blog creative, humorous and divinely in touch with the human spirit. But, when the rest of the country is reeling from one of the country's greatest natural disasters and you are still caught in your wedding fairytale … it's disappointing. If today's entry had been something about your keen insights on a tragedy that affects all of us, I would know for sure that you do more with your time than day-dream.

  24. Stephanie to be married to Phil! What of this blog then?! What of Manhattan(and Hamptons) social life? Oh so many heart broken single men.

    Reminds me of a conversation I just had with a buddy of mine. I said "whatever happened to M*****?" a vivacious and well endowed 30 something lady from Hoboken who used to do Summer's at the Jersey Shore but hasnt been around this Summer. "Married" he said, "Some guy from Wall Street".

  25. Steph, don't let the haters get to ya. Ignore them all, live your wonderful, saturated, Stephanie life. You owe them nothing and you have already given many of us so much. Take care!

    – regular reader

  26. You know, everywhere we turn, we are inundated with the horrors of today – we hear it on the news, the internet, the radio. We cry, we donate, we organize drives to help the people fleeing to our state. Thank GOD Stephanie isn't dwelling in the misery. What a breath of fresh air, once again, in this time of unpleasant and diseased air. Please, keep up the optimistic diversion. It doesn't mean you're not affected or are insensitive, you're just giving us a little hope. Thank you, and be happy – and all you grouchy people – instead of harping on Stephanie, go do something good for the world for god's sweet sake.

  27. We can see enough of the tragedy anywhere we turn. I praise Stephanie for providing something happy to read on the WWW.

  28. Obsessed reader, first time commentor…When did Stephanie Klein EVER speak of politics, events, news? Miss Klein has always been true to herself and in turn true to us; her readers. She went to a wedding and wrote about an observation. Not written as programming to sell anything or amuse a demographic but an observation the writer had. Knowing I can join in her thoughts makes me want to be more observant.

  29. Turned off in Chicago….

    If you wanted to read about politics, the war or disasters go to or the other numerous sites about those topics. There is simply too much bad news going on around the world and reading Stephanie's blogs is a distraction for her fans.

  30. Frankly, considering the usual vicious pack of sociopaths (I say that lovingly, of course) Stephanie's posts often seem to attract, I was quite surprised that "turned off in chicago" (so sorry to hear that, BTW; try reading Steph's "pam" episode, and maybe you'll be "turned on in Chi-town")was the first and only post ripping in to her for not using her blog to solve the world's past and current crises. Very selfish of her, yes?

  31. I don't think the 'haters' who start ranting about how 'bad' they think Stephanie's posts are, realize how busy she may be.

    First of all—she writes terrific, she does give an optmistic view on life, which is great, and yes, if you want–you can disagree, but have some tact about it, or as another person said–don't read it.

    She has book deals and other stuff going on, I am surprised she didn't close down this whole entire blog with her crazy schedule these days. Between her social life and work—it's amazing she has time to write in this blog at all.

    Thank you Stephanie for providing some good read for your fans.

    All the best,—some of us know you are 'busy'. :) Not a bad thing!

  32. I love it how commenters feel as if they have some sort of right to demand a certain kind of post from you. Or to critique it. I guarantee she isn't writing for you. While Stephanie probably likes the idea that people want to read what she writes, I find it so terribly annoying when commenters think she should or shouldn't write something. It's her f*ing blog. She's going to write what she feels and if you like it great and if you don't, then oh well, don't come back and don't bitch about it in the process. I think Stephanie posts because she feels compelled to write, not for you to live vicariously through her life nor to rip her apart.

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